You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
39. WEDDING
They take the Friday before the wedding
off, fly out first thing in the morning, and check into their 1-bed hotel room
before noon. Josh explains over and over
that he’d already made his reservation before Justin agreed to come, and that
he’d certainly spring for a private room for Justin…if Justin wants one. Justin rolls his eyes and flops down on his
side of their bed. Josh is equally
jet-lagged, but says he’s too anxious to nap just yet. Justin yawns, curls up in a ball, and closes
his eyes. Josh sets his watch alarm for
30 minutes and crawls onto the bed as he rambles off names of sights he intends
to show Justin before nightfall. Justin
just smiles as Josh embraces him from behind.
They sleep for an hour.
Justin is torn. On the one hand,
On the other hand,
“Having a good time?”
“Having a great
time, C.” Josh beams and shakes
the hair out of his eyes. Justin watches
amusedly, and then sinks his fingers back into the tresses.
“You like playing with my hair like
this?” Josh jokes over the road and wind noise.
Justin nods as he massages the skin underneath the blown-dry straight
hair. “You like this better?”
“I like it both ways. I also like this,” Justin says as he tickles
the stubble on Josh’s face.
“Thought you
might.”
They’re exhausted by the time they
drag themselves back to their hotel room around 2 AM, but both seem satisfied
with the excursion. Justin compliments Josh’s
ability to shove what was probably 3 days worth of sightseeing into 12 fun
hours. As they get ready for bed they
discuss plans for the wedding tomorrow afternoon, and Justin suddenly realizes
that he is without a wedding present.
“Dude, I already signed your name to
the card,” Josh yawns as he rolls under the covers.
“What did we get them?” Justin
laughs as he turns off the lights.
“Opera tickets.” When Justin coughs, Josh smirks and adds,
“They’ll love them, believe me.”
“I believe you, man.” Justin gets under his side of the covers and
rolls to his side to face Josh. “So. Tomorrow I’ll
get to meet your friends.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
Josh stretches out on his side facing Justin. It’s dark but Justin can tell Josh is
smiling.
“Do you, uh, do you think they’ll
like me?”
“Dude. They’ll love
you, man.”
“Really?” squeaks Justin. “How do you know they’ll love me?”
“Who wouldn’t love you?” Josh
answers sweetly. Justin is
dumbfounded. He has more questions, but
Josh’s eyes are already closing, and he’s fairly certain that he’ll get the
answers by tomorrow night.
“Good night, JC.” They’re both exhausted, but they manage a
quick, gentle smack on the lips before falling asleep.
Justin can’t believe how nervous he
feels going into the banquet hall. Even
though their hotel is only 10 minutes away, they’re still fashionably
late. They just have time to sit down
before the procession begins. Justin
quickly scans the room for a very stupid, two-timing, cruel looking woman who
looks like an Antonia, but with no success.
It’s the first wedding he’s ever been to where the friends outnumber the
family. It makes him a little sad for a
second, and then the grooms appear, Josh beams, and Justin forgets his sadness.
The commitment ceremony is much more
beautiful than Justin would have ever suspected. He doesn’t even know anyone involved, but
he’s touched nonetheless. During the
exchanging of the vows Josh squeezes his hand.
Their hands stay linked for the rest of the ceremony.
Once everyone moves to the reception
area, Justin realizes that he’s being stared at. Some of the guests who aren’t busy fussing
over the newly committed grooms are busy eyeing him and Josh. As they go down a slow moving receiving line,
Justin gets the distinct feeling that he’s being talked about. He turns quickly to find a few women—and
men—smiling at him. Justin doesn’t know
whether to feel flattered or just silly.
Finally Josh pounces on the men of honor and Justin watches the 3 men
enjoy a long, tearful hug.
“I’m so happy for you guys!” Josh
squeals. “You don’t know how much I’ve
missed you.”
“I’m just surprised you actually
made it!” says the shorter, darker haired of the two grooms. He smiles at Justin briefly and winks at
Josh. “You always were running late,
Josh.”
“Please, it was him, not me,” Josh
laughs as he nods in Justin’s direction.
Justin blushes as Josh’s hand comes to rest on the small of his
back. “We had a bit of a hair gel incident
this morning, that’s all, Alex.”
“We did?” Alex mocks,
eyebrows raised. “Did you hear that,
Brad?”
“I certainly did,” mumbles Alex’s
new husband. Both men smile wickedly at
Justin and clear their throats. Josh
rolls his eyes.
“Alright, guys. Let me introduce you. Alex and Brad, this is—
“Justin,” the grooms say in unison
as they extend their right hands.
Justin laughs. “How did you—”
“We’ve heard a lot about you,
Justin,” says Brad. Justin glances at a
slightly pink Josh.
“You have?”
“Josh has nothing but wonderful
things to say about you,” Alex chirps as he shakes Justin’s hand. “He’s a great guy, don’t you think? Sweet…talented…hot?”
“Dear?” Brad squeaks.
“What?” Alex smiles wickedly. “Did I say something wrong?”
“OK, I’m gonna go get some champagne
into my new husband,” Brad laughs as he pulls Alex away. “Justin, it was a pleasure meeting you. Josh, we’ll talk!”
“Yes, we will,” Josh states
quietly. He’s blushing brightly, but his
hand is still on Justin’s back. After he
watches his friends walk away into another group of hugs and kisses, Josh turns
to Justin and smiles. “
“Yes!”
Justin lets Josh reacquaint himself
with his friends during the reception.
He hangs by the bar or at his table, enjoying the food and drinks and
the sight of guests dancing and laughing.
After a little while, Josh returns to their table looking happy and
sounding a bit hoarse.
“Sorry, but I haven’t seen these
guys since I left.”
“Don’t apologize, C. I’m having fun just watching
everything.” Justin pulls out the chair
next to him but Josh is obviously too keyed up to sit down. “Dude, chill out. You’ll have plenty of time to see everyone.”
“I know!” Josh giggles and dances in place a
little. Justin looks over at the wedding
officiant—a rotund woman with huge silver hair and
tons of turquoise around her neck—dancing with the groomsmen and blowing her
ceremonial conch shell in time with the techno dance music.
“C?
Is this…I mean…is this wedding legal?
Do they have that yet in
“Honestly, I don’t even know!” Josh
laughs. “Doesn’t matter, my boys are
married in here.” Josh points to his
chest. Justin would roll his eyes at the
corniness, but Josh’s enthusiasm is genuine.
“You look happy,” Justin muses.
“I am happy.”
“I’m happy you’re happy,” Justin
laughs.
“I’m happy you’re here.” They share a sweet smile before Justin breaks
it to look at the dancefloor. Despite the suits and cufflinks and tight
shoes, something about the scene reminds him more of his nights at One-Eyed
Monks than of any wedding back home in Tennessee. He smiles and reflexively bobs his head to
the booming bass. Josh says something
that he can’t quite hear over the music.
“What did you say, C?”
“I said…you wanna dance?”
“Um.” Justin looks around like he expects his coworkers
or his mother or his high school basketball teammates to come out of the
woodwork. Then Josh smiles and offers
his hand. Justin takes it, stands up,
and lets Josh lead him. But before they
can join the other dancers, a man comes out of nowhere and grabs Josh from
behind in a tight hug.
“There you are! You been hiding, Chavez?”
“I can’t breathe!” Josh giggles as he’s set down, only to
quickly turn and grab the offending man in another hug. “Dude! Great to see you. Where’ve you been, Carlos?”
“Flirting with the
caterers, as usual,” Carlos singsongs.
“You know me! I can’t resist a
man who knows his way around a garlic press.”
“Same old Carlos.”
“Well, I certainly can’t say the
same about you, can I, Mr. Shas-tay?” Carlos quirks his head and looks at Justin
pointedly. “Everybody’s talking about
your, ahem, friend here—
“Carlos, be nice!” Josh warns.
“Oh shut up, you know I hate being
out of the loop!” Carlos extends his
hand and gives Justin a very slow, intense head to toe look. “Now then. I’ll just have to introduce myself, since
Josh here has forgotten his manners.”
“For fuck’s sake!”
“Language! Now, I’m Carlos. Josh and I go way back to the mid-1990’s!” Justin
smiles and takes Carlos’ hand. After 3
shakes Justin tries to pull his hand away, but Carlos tightens his hold. “Whatever Josh has told you about me, it’s
all a lie!” When Justin chuckles, Carlos
squeezes his hand and smiles even wider.
“And you are?”
“Justin,” grunts Justin, then pulls
his hand away and shakes off the soreness.
“You and your
butch handshakes!” Josh grumbles, taking Justin’s hand and rubbing it
gently as he shakes his head disapprovingly at Carlos. “You’re not fooling anyone, girlfriend!” Justin smiles as Josh nurses his only
slightly offended hand. Then he pushes
both hands into his pockets in case any other old friends want to meet him.
“I’ll ignore that. So, Justin, what’s your
story? How did you two meet?”
Carlos asks excitedly.
“We work together,” Justin says
carefully.
“Uh-huh. And? When did you two…I mean, are you two—”
“Carlos,” Josh says nervously. “It’s not…Justin is…um.”
“Is what?” Carlos quips eagerly.
“Yeah, is what?” Justin asks
anxiously. Before Josh can answer,
Carlos nudges him in the side.
“What?” Josh snaps. Carlos nods past Justin’s shoulder. Justin follows Josh’s eyes to their
destination—a very attractive brunette, about Josh’s age and height, with
pretty eyes, a great smile, expensive designer clothes, and a tall, gorgeous,
young spiky haired blonde boy right beside.
Josh’s mouth falls open and his eyes suddenly go dark.
“Hello, Josh,” the brunette says
softly. Josh looks a little pained, but
then manages a small smile.
“Hello, yourself.” There’s a brief silence. Justin notices the awkward looks on everyone’s
faces.
“So, um, are you a friend of the
groom, or a friend of the groom?” the brunette chuckles in Justin’s direction.
“Oh, um, sorry,”
Josh murmurs. He clears his
throat and touches Justin’s arm. “This
is Justin—my best friend.” A smidge of
pink touches Josh’s cheeks. Justin
swallows the lump in his throat.
“Nice to meet you,” Justin says as
he offers his hand to the brunette.
Justin watches Josh frown a little at the handshake, but when their eyes
meet the frown changes to a secretive smirk.
“And you, too, Justin.” The brunette grins at Carlos before looking
back at Josh. “It’s good to see you,
Josh. You remember Nick?” The cocky blonde stud
standing next to the brunette smiles curtly at everyone. Justin gives his hand, and Nick takes it like
he’s surprised it was offered in the first place.
“Carter,” Josh grunts.
“Chasez,”
Nick says through clenched teeth. He and
Carlos trade smirks while Justin looks around at the tense faces, waiting for
someone to speak.
Finally the brunette chuckles and
says, “Well, Josh, aren’t you going to introduce me to your new…friend?” Josh turns red and looks at Justin under his
eyelashes.
“Justin,” Josh says softly. He closes his eyes and shakes his head
sadly. Finally he loosens his shoulders
and lets out a loud sigh. “All right,”
Josh says like he’s talking to himself.
He looks at Justin and bites his bottom lip. “Justin, this is my…Justin, this is Tony.”
“Tony.” Justin does a quick double take before
resting his eyes on the attractive man standing next to him. “Toni—Tony?” he asks under his breath.
“Yeah,” Josh utters, his eyes
focused directly on Justin’s slightly confused face. “My ex.”
“Your ex,” Justin states, to make it
clear to himself and to his teenaged girl alter ego.
“God, that sounds so horrible,
doesn’t it?” Tony says with a nervous laugh.
“Makes me sound like a…a…”
“Cheater?” drawls Carlos.
“Why don’t you grow up?” Nick bites.
“Why don’t you make me, twinkie?”
“Guys, don’t do this again,” Josh
directs to the arguing men, but his eyes stay focused on Justin.
“He started it!” Nick whines.
“C’mon, we don’t want a repeat of
last year’s circuit party fiasco, do we?” Tony pleads.
“It wasn’t my fault that we got
thrown out!” Carlos laughs.
“You pushed me, troll!” grunts Nick.
“You looked at me funny, sausage
jockey!”
“You always look funny!”
“Gee. You really got me with that one, Lizzie
McGuire.”
“You know what?” Josh interjects, “I
think I’m going to go mingle.” Josh
shakes his head and walks away.
“I don’t even know what you’re doing
here,” Carlos snips at Nick.
“I’m with him!” Nick retorts, linking arms with Tony. “We’re all still friends with the grooms, so
we have every right to be here.” Carlos
snickers, and Nick adds with a twist of his neck, “And
don’t even think about trying anything this time, Carlos. I’ve been doing Tae Bo big time, and I’ll
totally kick your ass!”
Justin turns away from the silly
argument and watches Josh slink away to the bar. He’ll let him fester just a few seconds
more. Besides, he needs a little time to
for his jaw to close and for his heart to calm down.
“Hey, C.”
“Hey.” Josh looks down at his drink, swirls the
clear liquid around the ice, and shrugs resignedly. They silently walk over to a quieter corner
of the hall. When they’re alone, Josh
clears his throat and manages a weak smile.
“So. Um. Any questions?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Justin
whispers as he lays a calming hand on his friend’s shoulder. Josh touches the hand and shrugs again.
“Most of the time, I guess I
thought, um, maybe I thought that, you know, that you already knew, you
know?” Justin grins and gently
squeezes. “Or, sometimes I thought maybe
you didn’t want to know. Like, maybe you wouldn’t want to be my friend
if you knew.”
Justin frowns and leans in closer to
Josh’s worried face. “After all we’ve
been through together, how could you think that?” Justin smiles, though the hypocrisy isn’t
lost on him. “Don’t you know me better
than that?”
“Yeah, I do know you.” Josh smiles, sits his drink on a nearby table
and stands in front of Justin ceremoniously.
“Ok, here goes.” He looks Justin
in the eyes, takes a deep breath, and says, “Justin. I’m…um, like, I’m sorta…well,
very…um, you know. Gay.”
“Sorta,”
Justin kids as he nods slowly.
“Just a little
bit.” Josh holds his thumb and
forefinger an inch apart. “Or maybe like
this,” he laughs, and spreads his arms wide.
“Alright, C!” Justin claps and Josh bows.
“Wow, what an odd place to come out
to someone—a gay wedding!”
“Well, I’m proud of you, man. So proud.”
“Thank you, J.” They smile at each other before coming
together in a long, tight embrace.
“Wow, this is big,” Justin whispers.
“Yeah.” Josh rubs Justin’s back and hums against his
ear. Even over the thumping music,
Justin can hear the humming. “You’re not
mad?” Josh asks suddenly. When Justin
pulls away with a question in his eyes, Josh grins shyly and adds, “You know,
for not quite telling you the truth
for all these months?”
“Nah, man. I couldn’t be mad at you for that. You had your reasons for keeping
secrets.” Justin looks down at his
feet. “We all have secrets. Even me.” When Josh leans close and whispers, “Then,
isn’t it about time you tell me your
secrets?” Justin nods and clears his throat, but he’s interrupted when Carlos
suddenly drags them both away to have a go at catching the bouquet.
Much food and a few more drinks
later, Justin finally works up the nerve to dance. He’s normally the first on the floor, but
he’d been too intimidated earlier. Now,
with a few drinks in him, he’s having a ball.
Once the DJ works in a little hip-hop, Justin lets himself go, and this
time the appreciative gaze of several men actually makes him feel good. He smiles and dances with the grooms, stares
Nick Carter off the floor, and lets Carlos step on his feet a few times before
ending up dancing with Josh. Together
they look fabulous. Only the men of
honor receive more attention. It feels
both alien and completely natural for them to be moving and gyrating and
sharing energy with each other. So when
a slow song comes on, and all the men either walk away or pair up, it only
takes a few seconds for Justin to summon up the nerve to grab Josh’s hand and
whisper, “What the hell,” in his ear.
Josh had been motioning for them to walk away, and surprise covers his
face when Justin instead walks them over to an empty section of dancefloor.
Justin blushes as he tries to
quickly negotiate his hand placement.
Josh laughs sweetly and wraps Justin’s left hand around his waist before
laying his right hand on Justin’s shoulder.
They clutch their free hands and start to slow dance. Justin is too nervous to look anywhere but at
his feet at first, but by the first chorus he musters up the nerve to look his
friend in the eye.
“How am I doing?” Justin asks
meekly.
“You’re doing just fine.” Justin hopes his palms stay dry and he
doesn’t forget who is leading. They do
well, only giggling a few times. When
another slow love song starts, and they continue dancing, the giggling stops.
“I love this song,” Josh
whispers. Justin nods—even though he
doesn’t even know the song—because Josh closes the space between them and
starts humming in his ear. Justin runs two
fingers up and down Josh’s back, and he almost squeals when Josh shivers in his
arms. He tries to think of something to
say, but it’s almost too loud to talk.
And, every time Josh smiles at him, every time Josh squeezes his hand,
every time Justin contemplates Josh’s sexual preference, Justin is too
overwhelmed to say anything. So he holds
his friend tighter and buries his face in Josh’s hair.
Justin thinks he’s gotten the hang
of it by the next slow song. He quickly
works out how to dance, talk, and play with Josh’s hair all at the same
time. It’s going quite well until Justin
feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns to
see Tony smiling sheepishly at them.
“May I, um, cut in?”
“Ahem.” Justin frowns as he pulls Josh to him
protectively. Tony laughs, which only
makes Justin angrier.
“It’s ok, J,” Josh whispers as he
rubs Justin’s back. Justin looks his
friend in the eye, waits for an encouraging smile, and lets Josh go.
“Thanks,” Tony says as he takes
Josh’s hand. “I’ll give him right
back.” Justin frowns as he watches Tony
take Josh a few yards away before pulling him close for a dance. Ten seconds of watching that sends Justin
right to the men’s room to splash some cool water on his face.
Surely
this is the longest ballad ever recorded, Justin thinks as he sips
champagne and watches Josh and Tony dance.
It doesn’t help that Josh smiles and laughs from time to time, even
though he does look a bit uncomfortable.
Justin paces back and forth on the periphery of the dancefloor,
trying not to stare too much.
“Hey! Justin, right?” a blonde woman asks, startling
Justin out of his funk.
“Yeah. I mean, sorry, yes, I’m Justin.” He shakes the woman’s hand and peeks over her
shoulder to see if Tony has made a pass at Josh yet.
“I’m
“What…oh…um.” Justin pulls his hand away and gulps
champagne.
“God, you’re a cutie, aren’t
you?”
“Tha—what?”
Justin almost spits out his champagne.
“Sure, it’s been a while, but he
looks happier than I’ve ever seen him.”
“What?” Justin gasps. “We aren’t, I mean, um.” He
laugh-hiccups. “Who told you that Josh
and I were…together?”
“I don’t know, one of the ladies,
probably,”
“I see,” Justin says with a wicked
grin.
“My ears are ringing!” Josh appears with the still bickering Carlos
and Nick Carter in tow. “Don’t believe a
word she says about me,” Josh jokes once he’s laid a quick kiss on
“Please. I have Polaroids of
your more offensive fashion disasters that Justin here would just die to see!”
“Sorry I took so long, man.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Justin
states softly.
“Damn, it’s not like I was giving
him the third degree!”
“Whowhatwho?” Josh sputters.
“Duh! You and Justin, spacey! How long have you and Justin been dating?”
“I…uh…what…I mean,” Josh stammers,
his face blood red. Justin’s stomach
flips.
“Yes, I’d like to know that, too!”
Carlos adds happily.
“But…um…wait,” Josh half laughs,
half groans. “Who said that—”
“About 7 months. Give or take a few weeks.” It’s out of Justin’s mouth before he can
think. Just as quick, he slides his hand
around Josh’s waist. “Does that sound
right, honey?”
“Um…yeeeeaaah.”
Carlos and Tara smile, Nick Carter checks his perfectly manicured
fingers, and Josh clears his throat. Several times.
“I figured as much,” Carlos
says. “Some guys at table 3 bet me that
Justin was a trick you met last night—”
“What?” Josh and Justin squeak in
unison.
“And Miss Thing here thought Justin
was a hustler he once picked up on
“Saw, not
picked up!” Nick spits.
“But I could tell right away that
you two are for real.” Carlos smiles and
bats his eyelashes at the blushing men in front of him.
“You could?” Josh asks
nervously. Carlos and Tara release a
bevy of “sure’s” and “absolutely’s”
while Nick Carter clicks his tongue.
Justin watches them watch him and Josh, and suddenly he’s not nervous
anymore. When their friends become
distracted by another conversation, Josh turns into Justin, his hand on
Justin’s hip, and whispers, “What are you doing?”
“Just going with the flow?” Justin
asks meekly.
“I’m serious!” Josh looks up into Justin’s eyes. “Why did you let them think that we—”
“Why did you go along with it?”
whispers Justin. Josh stares at him
open-mouthed. “Besides…your ex is
watching.” They both look across the
room to find Tony staring at them with their hands on each other. “Maybe I can help him see what he’s missing,”
Justin murmurs, and then leans down to kiss Josh’s neck.
“Don’t.” Josh walks away frowning, leaving Justin
completely stupefied.
The sky is already turning colors
when Justin finds Josh outside on the beach.
A few guests mill about with their drinks in one hand and their shoes in
the other, but for the most part Josh is alone.
They stare at the sunset for a few seconds before Justin clears his
throat.
“I’m sorr—”
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t
it?” Josh rubs his fingers through his
hair and takes a deep breath. “The ocean, the sun, the smog!”
“Yeah,” Justin laughs
nervously. He shuffles around, waiting
for Josh to say something. “It must be
hard seeing your ex again, huh?”
“It’s hard seeing my old friends, because I miss them. I guess he got the friends by omission.”
“They all adore you, C.”
“I know, but he’s here, so he gets
to see them more often.” Justin realizes
now how lonely Josh must have been all these months without his close-knit
group of friends.
“I’m sorry.” Justin hugs Josh warmly, for no one’s benefit
but theirs. “I’m sorry you’ve been so
miserable.” He lets go and waits for Josh to
smile and stretch a little before speaking again. “And, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable
before with all the, um…you know. I was
just trying to help.”
“I know, J. And I’m sorry I snapped at you. You just threw me. And, like, I didn’t want you to…I don’t want
you to think that I invited you here to…do that. Be my pretend boyfriend or anything. You know?”
Josh rubs his eyes. Justin nearly
scolds him for not wearing his glasses.
He loves Josh in glasses. “That’s
not why I wanted you here. I would never
use you like that.
“I know you wouldn’t. I just wanted to help.”
“Help how?”
“I dunno. Your ex and that boyfriend of his…I just
thought that…I don’t know. Maybe we
could make him jealous or something.”
“J, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I’m sorry, ok?” Justin mentally kisses the creases away from
Josh’s forehead. “I just wanted to make
you feel better. You looked
uncomfortable. The 13 year old girl in
me wanted out for a minute, alright?”
“Oh, baby, you’re too sweet.” Josh wraps an arm around Justin’s
shoulders. “I was kinda uncomfortable,
yeah.”
“Especially when you were dancing,”
Justin mumbles.
“You noticed?” asks Josh, grinning
shyly.
“Yeah.” Josh nods and looks out at the sunset. “You still love him, don’t you?”
Josh starts to speak, then closes
his mouth. He looks at the ocean then
turns to Justin and stares into Justin’s equally blue eyes. “No. I
don’t love Tony anymore.”
“Reall—”
Justin swallows the squeak in his voice and clears his throat. “Are you sure?”
Josh smiles. “Yes.
I’m sure. I’m over him. Have been for a long time.” Justin walks out of Josh’s embrace and looks
back at the reception hall. Somewhere in
there is the stupidest man on the planet.
“I was just checking because, you
know, I have to look out for you,” Justin boasts. “I had my eye on him. He didn’t make a pass at you, did he? As your pretend boyfriend, I’d have to kick
his ass!”
“You’re too much!”
“This, I know.” Justin shuffles around the sandy beach, aware
of Josh’s penetrating silver eyes on him.
“Still, it must be hard for you, seeing him. With his new boyfriend.”
“No.
It’s ok, really.” Josh grabs
Justin’s hand to stop him from moving around.
“I’m glad you’re here, J. But I’m
sure you’d rather be with some hot, um, chick than pretending to be my
boyfriend at a wedding with people you don’t even know!”
“I don’t mind,” Justin murmurs.
“Oh.” Justin swears that he can hear Josh purring.
“So, you’re not mad at me?”
“I could never be…I’m not mad at
you, Justin. If anything, I’m mad at
myself.”
“For what?”
Josh sighs and turns pink. “Maybe. Like, maybe on some level I did want people to think you were my new
boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Justin doesn’t even try to conceal his
arrogant grin.
“But it was completely unconscious,
I swear!”
“Suuuuure
it was.”
“Shit,” Josh laughs. He shoves his hands in his pants pockets and
tilts his head so his hair flops in his eyes.
He smiles innocently at Justin, his eyes wide and blue. “I’m an asshole. I’m sorry, dude.”
“It’s fine,
I don’t mind, really,” Justin dismisses.
“You’re so swe—you’re
being very unselfish,” Josh states.
“No, I’m very selfish.”
“I don’t see that.”
“Believe me, I am.” Justin grins remorsefully until he looks down
to find that they’re holding hands. He
doesn’t even notice it anymore. It’s
that comfortable.
“You’re, um, a great actor,”
whispers Josh.
“What?”
“This. All this.” Josh nods at their entwined fingers and their
more-affectionate-than-usual body language.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know that. I told you, I don’t mind.” When Josh’s face shows his hesitation, Justin
grins and boasts, “Besides, what are ‘best friends’ for?”
“Aww, man.”
Josh looks down bashfully, his ears turning pink. When he looks up again, his smile is brighter
than Justin’s seen in weeks. “What about
Trace?”
“I can have more than one best
friend, can’t I?” teases Justin.
Josh huffs, throwing his hands up in
the air. “I suppose. I guess I’ll just have to settle for second
best friend!”
“Hey.” Justin waits for Josh to get serious
again. “You’re not second best anything.”
“Dude.” Josh smiles gratefully and kisses Justin on
the cheek. “You’re the best…fake
boyfriend a guy could ask for.” They hug
and don’t let go until the sky changes from red to purple.
“God, it’s beautiful,” Josh
whispers. Justin nods, even though he’s
not referring to the sunset like Josh is.
“This is…”
“What?”
“This. I mean, I don’t like lying to everyone, but I
guess this is nice. I haven’t had a boyfriend in a while,” Josh
admits. He plays with the bottom of
Justin’s shirt. “It’s nice, even if it
isn’t real.” Justin wants to concur, but
he’s too afraid. “For what it’s worth,
I’m glad we got to dance together.” Josh
nods in the direction of reception.
“Shall we?”
Justin pulls Josh’s hand up around
his neck. “C’mon, they’re playing our
song.”
“But, um, no one can see us out
here,” Josh peeps.
“I know. OK?”
Justin doesn’t wait for Josh’s nod to slip his hands down to Josh’s slim
waist. The music is quieter outside but
still loud enough to hear the slow, steady beat. They smile at each other at first, and then
Josh comes closer and lays his head on Justin’s shoulder. Josh’s breath is warm against Justin’s
neck. Justin isn’t expecting the small
kiss on his collarbone, so he giggles to disguise a soft moan.
“Sorry,” Justin whispers when Josh
gives him a confused grin. “Your stubble. It
tickles.”
“Mmm.” Josh
closes his eyes and leans his cheek against Justin’s. Justin’s face is too hot to even notice the
itchy stubble. He stares at Josh’s lips,
imaging himself leaning just an inch downward and kissing them.
The DJ comes on the mike at the end
of the song, his loud booming voice startling the two best friends out of their
moment. Josh opens his eyes and smiles,
but he looks both happy and sad at the same time. He strokes Justin’s cheek until it burns
pink. Justin can’t breathe.
“Thanks for the dance,” murmurs Josh. “Now, let’s go get some wedding cake!”
Justin sits on a divan only large
enough for two as he waits for Josh to come back with cake. The champagne is already getting to his head,
but he takes another sip. He needs the
buzz.
“Here you go…honey.” Josh smiles and hands Justin a plate before
sitting next to him.
“Thanks…honey.” They both watch the rest of the guests, but
keep smiling. After a few bites, Justin
notices Josh gazing at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just, um, you have a bit of frosting
right…here.” Josh reaches up to rub a
smidgeon of frosting from the corner of Justin’s mouth. He smiles sweetly as he touches Justin’s
lips. Justin looks down bashfully.
“Thanks,” Justin peeps.
“I’m sorry,” Josh giggles, sounding
a little tipsy as well. “It’s just,
well…Tony was right in eyeshot, so, I thought—”
“No, that was good. That felt…real.” Josh looks a bit confused. “You’re a good actor too, C.” It comes out sounding more accusatory than
Justin intended.
“I’m sorry. Are you all right? Do you want to go?”
“No.” Justin suddenly feels very childish.
“I shouldn’t have…we shouldn’t do
this,” Josh confesses. “You’re probably
freaking out.”
“About what?”
“About me. You could be having a, um, delayed reaction
to me coming out to you.” Josh looks
totally serious, and Justin nearly cracks up.
“Dude, are you sure you’re ok with me?”
“Josh,” Justin says soothingly, “I’m
at a gay wedding with you. Pretending to be your boyfriend in front of your real
ex-boyfriend. I slow danced with
you in front of all of
Josh bites his lip. “Ok, then.”
“Ok, then,” Justin says determinedly
as he takes a chunk of wedding cake off his plate. “Is he watching?” Josh slyly looks out into the crowd, then
quickly turns back and nods. Justin
takes a breath and places the cake against Josh’s lips. Their eyes meet, and they nearly spoil the
ruse by laughing. After a few seconds,
Josh composes himself enough to let Justin slip the cake between his lips.
“Mmph!” Josh giggles as he gently clamps down on
Justin’s fingers. His tongue makes
contact, and even though Josh is giggling and there’s frosting on his upper
lip, to Justin it feels like heaven.
“More?” This piece is mostly frosting, and when Josh
licks the excess from his lips, Justin’s fingers are in the way. Justin laughs to disguise the moan in his
throat.
“It’s good,” Josh mutters. Without thinking, Justin slips his thumb in
his mouth and licks the frosting.
“Mmm.” He
blushes and wonders if Josh realizes that it’s him that Justin is trying
to taste.
“Ok, your turn.” Josh takes a little piece of cake and places it
against Justin’s lips, watching closely as Justin opens his mouth. Justin swallows the cake quickly and wraps
his lips around Josh’s fingers. They
stare at each other as Josh slips his wet fingers from Justin’s mouth and rubs
them against Justin’s bottom lip. “This
ok?” he whispers.
“Yeah,” Justin mumbles against
Josh’s fingers.
“You’re really sweet, you know
that?” Justin doesn’t answer, because he
can’t breathe when Josh leans over and kisses his cheek. It’s soft, and Josh’s breath is hot against
Justin’s face, and the champagne is really starting to get to him. So it’s not that big of a surprise to
Justin when he closes his eyes, tilts his head, and
their lips touch. For a second he thinks
this might be just another “hello/goodbye” smack on the mouth. When 5 seconds pass, and their lips are still
together, Justin realizes that this is much more than a greeting. They’re kissing.
Justin doesn’t gasp, even though he
feels like he might cry. They’re
kissing. Their lips are moving together
on purpose. It’s soft, but he can feel
Josh’s warmth and Josh’s breath. Josh is
kissing him, and he’s kissing back.
Justin shivers. It’s nearly
overwhelming.
It’s over way too quickly. Josh pulls away first. He stares at Justin and licks his lips.
“Oh,” Justin whispers, and
instinctively leans in for more. Mouths
open almost instantly, and this time Justin can’t keep from moaning when their
tongues meet. Justin can’t really hold
Josh to him the way he wants because he’s holding his plate, but Josh makes up
for it with a warm hand on Justin’s neck.
Justin licks into Josh’s hot mouth, smiling to himself when that elicits
a deep “mmmm” from his best friend. Justin shivers at the penetrating kiss. It’s everything he’d imagined it would be,
and he’s been imagining it for 7 months.
He’s been imagining this—the feeling, the falling—his whole
life, and finally…finally. Justin
whimpers at the realization that he’s finally showing Josh how he feels, even
if it is just for show. It’s only
when a few passers-by whisper, “get a room, you two!” that Josh breaks the kiss
with a sigh and pulls away, blushing furiously.
For once Justin doesn’t blush, but only because his pounding heart is
hoarding all the blood for itself. Josh
nibbles his thumbnail as he looks at the floor.
“Um.” It takes a few seconds for Justin to collect
his thoughts. “Well, then. Um…did you see Tony’s reaction to…that?”
Justin whispers awkwardly. “Did he see
us?”
Josh’s face falls
a little. He picks up his cake a takes a
small bite. “I didn’t notice, Justin.”
“Ok.” Justin’s heart pounds as they sit for a
little while longer, not speaking, but somehow their hands find each
other. Justin abandons his cake. It’s excellent, but he’d rather taste like
Josh for a while.
The second time they kiss is while
slow dancing to a late 70s R&B ballad that Justin swears he loves, and Josh
teases him for being too young to remember it.
Justin lets Josh continue the playful banter as his hands slide tighter
around Josh’s waist. Josh is still
babbling when Justin kisses him, just for a few seconds. When they part, Justin whispers something
about Tony and Nick watching them. Josh
smiles bashfully and leans in for another kiss.
The third kiss comes near the end of
the wedding, after many guests have gone, after many bottles of champagne have
been consumed, after Justin disappears to the bathroom for 5 minutes. He paces as best he can in a stall, wondering
what will happen once the need for their pretend relationship is gone. He wonders if Josh is completely over
Tony. He wonders how long he’ll be able
to keep this up.
When Justin emerges he sees Josh
across the room. He’s surrounded by his
entire inner circle: Alex, Brad, Carlos, Tara, a musician friend of theirs
called Brian, a choreographer friend of theirs called Darren, and even Nick
Carter. And Tony. Justin watches the hip
Just then the DJ announces the last
song, and everyone pairs up as Al Green sings “Let’s Stay Together.” Justin watches the dancing couples and bobs
his head for a few measures before feeling eyes on him. He notices that Josh is talking to his
friends, hands in mid-gesture, but eyes right on him. When they see each other, Josh walks away
from his friends.
Their eyes stay locked as Josh
slowly crosses the room and stands in Justin’s corner, his back facing everyone
else. He nervously fists the bottom of
Justin’s shirt, looks into Justin’s deep blue eyes, and growls, “Are they
watching?”
Justin, trembling
terribly, glances across Josh’s shoulder to just catch Tony and Nick slipping
out the door with two bottles of champagne and wrapped up wedding cake. “Yes,” Justin lies.
“Yes.” Josh kisses him. Justin kisses back. They make out. They make out deeply, with tongue, really
hot, sexy, wet lips and tongue. They
kiss with hands in hair and on chests and around waists and on hips and just
slightly cupping asses and tenderly on blushing faces. They kiss the way Justin always hated seeing
people kiss in public, because it made him envious that he never had that kind
of intimacy. Now, with his best friend’s
mouth against his and arms holding him, Justin is pretty sure everyone else is
jealous right now of him. The loud
hooting and hollering finally stops them, but they don’t acknowledge Josh’s
friend’s applause. They separate,
straighten one another’s ties, and share a quick hug before deciding to say
their goodbyes.
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