You Bring Me Joy
(Like a Best Friend Should)
by Zaen
40. After
the wedding
Too drunk to drive, Josh and Justin
hitch a ride back to their hotel. They don’t
say anything as they shuffle around their room, getting ready for bed. Justin watches Josh slowly fumble with his
clothes, and before Josh gets completely naked, Justin rushes into the
bathroom. He just has time to turn the
faucet on full blast before he collapses into a fit of ecstatic giggling.
It’s dark when Justin comes out of
the bathroom, but he can hear Josh humming from the bed. He tries to tiptoe, but he’s too buzzed for
the necessary coordination.
“Oomph!”
“You ok?” Josh chuckles, and turns
on the bedside lamp.
“Yeah. Just hit my foot on the, um, thing.” Justin sighs and sits on the bed, but doesn’t
get in. He knows they’re going to talk
about tonight, and he knows they must
talk about tonight. But he’s still
nervous as hell about it.
“You getting
into bed, J?”
“Mmm.” Justin
slowly lifts both legs under the covers.
He’s on the very edge of the bed.
“Be right back,” Josh whispers, then
stumbles over to the bathroom. Justin
watches Josh’s naked bottom, and scoots over to the middle of the bed.
“Did ya
have a good time tonight?” Josh yells over the sound of running water. Before Justin can answer, Josh adds, “I did. I had a
great time today. I’m ssssssoooo glad you came with me, J.” Justin watches the door, listens to Josh flushing
and washing his hands, and figures he has only about 10 seconds. Before he loses his nerve, Justin lifts his
hips and quickly pushes his boxer briefs down his legs. He runs into trouble down at his ankles and
starts to give up on the idea. Then Josh
emerges from the bathroom. He’s naked
and yawning. As he walks to the bed he fingercombs his hair with one hand, and scratches—rubs,
actually—his balls with the other.
Justin gulps and shimmies out of the boxers as surreptitiously as he
can, flinging them onto his nearby suitcase.
He plays it off by sitting up against the headboard and picking up his
book from the nightstand.
“Is my reading gonna bother
you? You want me to turn off the light?”
“It’s fine with me,” Josh answers as
he rolls under the covers. He stretches
out on his side next to Justin, arm bent at the elbow, head resting in his
hand. A silent minute passes while Josh
stares at Justin’s profile and Justin reads the same paragraph four times. “Are you really
reading that?” Josh teases.
“No!” Justin tosses the paperback to the floor and
rests his hands in his lap.
“So,” Josh starts, and Justin can
hear the cocky smile even though he’s looking straight ahead.
“So.”
“So…we, um…I guess we kissed.” Justin can even hear the blush in Josh’s
voice.
“Yeah, I guess we did.” Justin coughs a few times so he won’t freak
out.
“It was nice,” murmurs Josh. Justin finally looks at him, and then they
both lose it. It takes a while for the
giggles to subside and for the blush to fade from their skin. “Seriously, it was. Really. I mean…really.” Josh tries to articulate his thoughts with
his hands, as usual, but he’s too inebriated to make much sense. “Great, Justin.”
“Thanks,” Justin replies. “Yeah, that was some good kissing, that was.”
“Hey, I contributed, too!” Josh adds
defensively.
“I know. You’re a great kisser, C.” Justin looks away. Underneath the sheet he gently scratches the
warm inside of his thigh. “Wonderful
kisser,” he repeats.
“So are you.” Justin nods as his skin turns to gooseflesh
from head to toe. Josh sits up shoulder
to shoulder with Justin. He sighs
exhaustedly and says, “Look, I’m so sorry about tonight, Justin. I got carried away. I shouldn’t have…kissed you.”
Justin coughs again. “But, um, it worked, didn’t it?” He hopes he doesn’t sound too disappointed or
desperate. “Tony looked totally
flabbergasted.”
“Yeah, but. I mean, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Josh
admits, and lays a hand on Justin’s leg.
“Least of all you.”
“I’m fine,” Justin grunts.
“OK.
But still, eventually I’m gonna have to fess up,” Josh proclaims.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t
like to lie.” Justin gives Josh
an incredulous look, but Josh doesn’t back down. “I did it for too long. I wouldn’t feel right going back and having them
think that we’re…together.” Josh shrugs
and scratches Justin’s leg. “Not that
I’ll call everyone up, but I’ll have to at least tell Carlos that you’re…not
my boyfriend.”
“Yeah, but maybe…” Justin swallows
his words, fast.
“Maybe what?”
“Nothing.” Justin stretches his legs out under the
sheets. His foot grazes Josh’s, and he
withdraws it, simply from force of habit.
Josh sighs, and another awkward silence ensues.
“I guess this has been a night of
firsts for you.”
“Huh?”
“You know,” Josh answers. He smiles and bites his bottom lip. “Dancing with a guy.” His voice lowers to a whisper. “Um, kissing a guy.”
“Oh, that.” Justin looks down at his lap, but he can’t
for the life of him hide the mischievous grin.
Josh stops his nervous fidgeting and tries to catch Justin’s eye.
“What?” Justin looks up at the ceiling and lets out a
satisfied sigh. “What, Justin?”
“Well, now that you mention it,”
Justin states softly, surely. He glances
at Josh, and then looks back at his hands.
He can feel Josh’s body humming next to him. Whenever he’d practiced, it was always so
hard, but now, fairly drunk and naked in bed with Josh, the words come pretty
easily. He can’t believe he was so
worried. “You’re, uh, not the first
guy I’ve ever…um…kissed…and stuff…yeah.”
Justin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. I did it, he thinks.
“Wait—really?” It’s asked carefully, with just the right
hint of surprise and wonder. Justin
takes Josh’s hand gratefully.
“Really, C.” Justin finally looks at Josh, whose smile is
so wide that his eyes are barely visible.
“Well, well, well. I sorta
thought. I mean, there have been times
when I hop—thought that maybe you…so…because…yes. Yes!”
Justin laughs and breathes easily, freely. “I mean, the way you kissed…it was, um.”
“It was what?”
“I liked it. I really liked it,” Josh whispers.
Justin presses his foot back against
Josh’s. “I did too.”
“Wow, this is so cool.” Josh yawns and shakes his hair out of his
eyes. Justin watches—leers—because he
now knows he can. “I have so many
questions now! Like, why didn’t you tell
me you’re gay?” Justin’s smile
dims. “Oh. So, are you?”
“Um, I’ve never really…I don’t
really…I don’t know. I guess.” Justin winces. “Does this make any sense? Do you know what I’m saying, Josh?”
“Yeah, you’re not sure, I
guess.” Justin hates the disappointment
he hears in Josh’s voice, especially since it’s completely unnecessary.
“Bi, if I had to, um, pick,” Justin
whispers, and hopes that’s enough.
“Ok.”
“I mean, there haven’t been that many guys—”
“You don’t have to explain, Justin—”
“And they were all during college—”
“I get it, J—”
“A lot of experimenting—”
“Justin, you don’t have to—”
“I still think women are hot—”
“Ok, I get it!” Josh growls.
“But…I like guys, too. I mean, I’ve been…a little…with guys and…um…I
want to do more…in the future…with guys.”
Justin hopes he’s making sense through the fog of alcohol and
fatigue. “So what I’m saying is,
yes. Guys. Men. Me. Into. Bi. Gay. Whatever you want to call
it. It’s just me.” Justin nods and smiles when Josh does the
same.
“Dude. You could have told me.”
“Look who’s talking! You just came out to me a few hours
ago!” Justin exclaims.
“True.” Josh fidgets as he studies the hotel sheets
covering his body. “I guess I didn’t
tell you outright because I was afraid. That you wouldn’t want to get to know me. That you wouldn’t let me
get close to you.”
Justin nods, too relieved to be
offended. “I was afraid of the same
thing.”
“But why?”
Josh asks, eyebrows raised. “I mean, like, I’m pretty obvious.”
“More obvious than
me?”
“You’ve got a point.” Justin play-punches Josh’s
arm. “Seriously,
J. I wondered about you
sometimes.” Justin blushes under Josh’s
sweet, inquisitive gaze. “And as for me,
I either assumed that you knew, or that you didn’t want to know. Or—”
“That it was fun not knowing for
sure,” Justin whispers. They stare at
each other silently for a long time after that.
Justin knows that he, at least, is referring to more than just coming out.
“There were so many times I almost
told you, man.”
“Me, too.” Justin scoots down into the bed and stretches
comfortably. “And there were so many
times I wanted to ask. And then there
were times you’d confuse the hell out of me.”
“Like when?”
Josh peeps, and scoots closer to Justin.
“Like the girl, your first love.”
“I’ve been with lots of girls in my
life,” Josh explains plainly.
“Making out with Christina—”
“Oh, please!” Josh laughs.
“
“Is a man!”
“The only girls named ‘
“You’re stretching.”
“Maybe, but what
about when you lied to me? When
we first starting seeing—when we went out that time months ago, and you told me
your ex was a woman?”
“No, I didn’t!” Josh looks out into space, but the alcohol
prevents him from remembering too well.
“Did I? What did I say,
precisely?”
“You said that your ex—whose name it
took you seven months to tell me, by the way—broke your heart, and that you
thought you were going to get married and have kids!”
Justin retorts, pointing his finger at Josh’s face accusingly. “You said ‘gonna have kids,’ man!”
“Yeah, I was gonna have them with my
boyfriend!” Josh bellows shrilly, hands flailing.
“How was I supposed to know? You never used a pronoun!”
“I know!” Josh sighs, throws his hands up in the air
and groans, “I know, I know!”
“That’s right.” Justin watches Josh stew in his guilt for a
while before murmuring, “It’s Ok, C. We
both lied. Well, weren’t exactly truthful. You’re just as chickenshit
as I am.”
“Yeah, I know.” Josh looks at Justin thoughtfully. “I’m sorry.
I just didn’t want to risk losing you.
Plus, I knew one day I’d tell you—I’d have to tell you.”
“Because?”
Justin asks anxiously, trying not to hope too much.
“Because.” Josh pauses, starts to say something, but
then shakes his head. “Because you’re my
best friend and I want to share everything with you.”
“Oh.” It’s sweet and warms Justin’s heart, even if
it’s not the answer he wanted.
“Speaking of sharing, tell me about
all this experimenting!”
“Aw, no. Another time. It’s late,” Justin yawns.
“Please?” Josh sits up in the bed and looks around the
room, suddenly quite energetic. “I’ll go
down the hall and get us a Mountain Dew or something. We can share hilarious gay sex stories over a caffeine high!”
“Josh, c’mon,” Justin mumbles
nervously, though he’s tempted. “Aren’t
you exhausted?”
“Yeah, but not too exhausted to hear
about what you’ve done. Who you’ve been with.
What guys were lucky enough to be with you.”
Justin gulps and licks his
lips. “Get a Jolt if they have it.”
Josh is out of bed and into his
pants in a flash.
Fifteen minutes later, Josh and
Justin are still talking about their sex lives, in graphic detail. They share a sugary, caffeinated drink,
passing it between them every few minutes, which only heightens the sense of
intimacy. Justin happily listens to Josh
talk candidly about his boyfriends, his one-nighters,
his friends-into-lovers. Justin pays
particular attention to that category.
He is nervous at first, but Josh eases him into divulging his past. After a while, he becomes more comfortable,
especially when Josh encourages him.
It’s as if they’re making up for 7 months of bawdy, locker-room sex
talk. Or 7 months of
best friends being honest with each other. For Justin it’s a complete load off his
shoulders to reveal everything about his personal life. Nearly everything.
“So, you’ve never…gone all the way?”
Josh asks after Justin is quiet for a bit.
“No, not with a guy.” He gulps down the last of the soda and smiles
at Josh bashfully.
“Why not?”
“Dunno. It wasn’t right. I was scared.
I was just, well, starting out, I guess,” Justin chuckles. “I wasn’t ready for that then.”
“Mmm.” Josh
smiles and stretches out on the bed.
Justin looks at the pants Josh threw on to run down the hall, and
wonders if it would be too forward to ask him to remove them. “So, let me see if I got everything: You had
crushes on a couple of guys in high school, but you didn’t act on it.” Justin nods.
“In college you slept around with lots of girls, and eventually you met
one that had lots of gay friends. I’d
say you had an agenda!”
“The girls never complained, man,”
Justin laughs.
“I’m sure. So you met some guys through friends, and the
experimentation ensued. Who initiated
it?”
“Um…I think my first guy—God, it’s
still so weird to be saying this out loud!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, no one knows except
you.” Justin scoots over so Josh can
hear his barely above a whisper voice.
And so his legs can touch Josh’s bare chest.
Josh’s smile is surprised, if a bit
confused. “I can see not telling your
mom, but not even Trace?”
“No, not even Trace.” Justin lowers his head. As much as he loves his long time best
friend, he hasn’t had the nerve to tell him this one thing. And that goes quadruple for his mother. “I’m a big stupid coward.”
“Shut up. You’re dissing my
best friend.”
Justin grins bashfully. “Thanks.”
“So, you were saying about your
first guy?” Josh asks, and Justin can tell he’s anxious to hear.
“He was a friend of mine from home,
actually. He showed up my sophomore
year, and we just started hanging all the time.
I think he was even happier to be away from
“Yeah, that’s your excuse!”
“And we’d go out to parties and drink,
or we’d have these really sexual conversations about girls we’d been with, but
we’d be really, uh, into each other
during them. Like, really close. And we’d, like, just end up brushing up
against one another or something.”
“Sounds familiar,” Josh
murmurs. He leers at Justin
suggestively, but Justin can’t tell exactly what Josh means.
“Yeah, so, we just kept finding
reasons to be alone and get drunk or high or whatever. Maybe look at some porn. Then there was this party, and everybody was
wasted, and this really hot chick came up to us out the blue and said she’d
love to have a 3-way with us.” Josh’s
eyes go wide, and Justin nods proudly.
“Yeah, so, you know, I’d never done that before, so I was up for
it. So we went up to some room, and, you
know, I’m kissing her and shit, and he’s taking her clothes off. But I could tell he wasn’t really into
it. And neither was I. But then when she got naked and started doing
stuff to us…” Justin blushes and looks
away.
“It’s ok, J.” Josh slides under the sheet so he’s parallel
and eye-to-eye with Justin. “Keep
going.”
“She was like, going down on me,
and, um, he was watching me. And he
was—”
“Wait!” Josh interrupts. “What’s this guy’s name?”
“Um, Nick.”
“Oh, good grief,
another fucking Nick!” Josh groans.
“Shut up!” Josh nods and scoots closer to Justin. He listens intently, excitedly, even through
his obvious fatigue. “Alright. So, the girl was sucking my…sucking me,
right?” Josh licks his lips and nods
slowly. “And she’s like down on the
floor, and I look at him—Nick—and he’s got this huge hardon,
right? But, it’s not ‘cause of her,
see? Because, he’s
looking at me!”
“Excellent!”
“Right, so, he’s rubbing it,
right?” Justin cocks his head and shifts
under the bed covers. “And he’s looking
at my c-cock.” He looks at Josh, waiting
for the inevitable giggle, but it doesn’t come.
Josh merely sighs and nods for Justin to continue. “He’s staring at her sucking my cock.” They’ve never said the words “my cock” to
each other, and certainly not while laying 6 inches away from each other,
mostly or completely naked. “And he’s
licking his lips…and stroking himself through his pants. You know, like this.” Justin sucks his bottom lip into his mouth
and tickles his slightly interested penis through the sheets.
“Mmm.”
“So we’re just staring at each
other, while this girl is blowing me.
And Nick, he pushes her dress up, right?
And she tells him to fuck her,” Justin whispers, because he can hardly
talk, because Josh is rubbing his leg with his foot. And Josh is gently circling his own nipple
with an idle finger. And even though
Josh is admittedly dead tired, he’s breathing fast. Maybe even panting. “So Nick takes his cock out, and he’s
stroking it, and it’s nice and big.”
“You like cock, Justin?” Josh’s voice is somewhere between teasing and
serious.
“Yeah, C, I do.” Justin accidentally kicks the sheet
down a little and accidentally slips his hand between his legs. He just lets it sit next to his awakening
erection, in hopes that Josh will notice.
“So, like, he’s watching me and I’m watching him, and then he starts to
fuck her, right? So she’s doing us both,
but we barely know she’s there. We’re
just turned on watching each other.”
“Watching can be really hot,” Josh
whispers, and licks his lips again.
“Yeah. Wait.
Where was I?”
“You and Nick,” Josh murmurs, and
adjusts his package.
“Oh.
Man, I’m tired. So we finish, and
she passes out. And we dress her and
tell her friends where she is—”
“Such a
gentleman.”
“That’s right. So we go back to his dorm room, and his
roommate isn’t around, and we just…jump each other.” Josh yawns and gives Justin a thumbs-up. “I can’t believe I told you that. I’ve never told anyone.”
“I’m not just anyone,” Josh says
proudly, and Justin agrees.
“Yeah, so, me
and Nick fooled around when we could get the chance. Then I had a fling with my resident advisor
junior year, and had a few one and two nighters with
guys I met in class or whatever.” Justin
rubs his hand over his flat stomach.
“When I turned 21, I went to the bars and clubs when I could. I never had a problem meeting guys.”
“Wait. What happened with you and Nick?”
“Oh.” Justin blushes at the memory. “After a few months, he, um, wanted to, like,
date. Or something. He came out and everything.” Justin looks down at his feet. “I wasn’t ready for that. I was scared.
Because we were from the same hometown, you know? I was scared of…you know…everyone finding
out.” He sighs as he searches for the
right words. He’s grateful that Josh
gives him the time. “I was afraid to
admit what I was, and it cost me Nick’s friendship.” The urge to run away is strong, but Justin
forces himself to look into Josh’s eyes.
“I’m an asshole.”
“No, you were scared. Confused. I understand,” Josh mutters.
“I’m not—”
“You don’t have to explain,
Justin.” Josh nibbles his bottom lip
thoughtfully for a while, long enough for Justin to imagine himself the
nibbler.
“I wish I had been honest with myself
then,” Justin starts, and when Josh tries to interrupt he puts his hand up
stoically. “But, Josh, the fact was that
I didn’t—I liked him as a friend. And I
was attracted to him, sexually. But I
didn’t want to date him, period. I
wasn’t…in love with him. I regret how it
happened, but, uh, he wasn’t the man for me.”
“Oh.” A cautious smile returns to Josh’s face, and
Justin breathes easy again. “Alright,
back to, um, before. So, all the guys
you were with, they approached you, right?”
“Ummm…yeah. I guess so.”
The truth was that Justin never had to work to get laid. All he ever had to do was sit back and let it happen. He’d never had to pursue anyone, male or
female. Now he realizes that he’d never met
anyone he’d wanted to pursue…until now.
“So, you’d never go after a guy?”
“Maybe not in the
past, but now?” Justin smiles and cups his cock just for a second. “Yeah, I think I’d pursue a man now. I think I’m ready now.”
“Good to know.” They stare at each, their hands not so subtly
drawing attention to parts of their bodies that neither can ignore. Justin hesitantly touches Josh’s face, and
runs his fingers through Josh’s hair.
“It’s so strange. Telling you everything here, now,” whispers
Justin. He strokes Josh’s lips as Josh’s
arm slips around his waist. “After all
we’ve been through. Why did it take so
long for us to admit that we…what we are?”
“I wanted to tell you. I almost did, so many times.” Josh’s voice sounds as shaky as
Justin’s. He sucks Justin’s thumb into
his mouth.
“Oh.”
“Justin.” Josh comes closer, until they’re nose to
nose. “Wanted to tell
you…everything.” His voice is
just a breath between their parted lips.
“Now, I can’t believe how silly I was being.” Justin’s leg moves on its own, slipping over
Josh’s still pant-covered thigh.
“You didn’t know for sure if I was,
too. I didn’t know for sure.”
“Even so.” Josh smiles wearily and pulls Justin flush
against him. “Even if I weren’t…or you
weren’t…even so, I’d never push you away.
I’d never stop…Justin, that wouldn’t matter, because…because you’re my
best friend, and I love you no matter what.”
“C,” Justin whispers before covering
Josh’s mouth in a gentle kiss. In a way,
it’s like their first real kiss, because this time no one is watching,
and they both know it. Justin wants to
squeal at how tenderly Josh is touching his face and shoulders. Justin keeps his eyes closed, afraid that
peeking might ruin the moment. He only
looks when Josh moves to his neck, sucking gently for a few seconds before
pulling back and staring at him curiously.
“You kissed me,” Justin whispers
before he remembers the truth. “I mean,
we kissed.” Josh blinks slowly, like a
drawn out yawn. “I kissed you.”
“Do it again.” Their mouths open the minute their lips
meet. Josh moans when Justin slips his
tongue into his mouth, a moan more throaty and urgent than earlier, when they’d
made out for Tony and Nick and anyone else who might doubt their “relationship.” Josh tastes differently now, too; before he
was alcohol, wedding cake and nervousness.
Now he’s Mountain Dew, toothpaste, and, Justin hopes, desire. It’s a delicious mixture.
They make out, really make
out, for about a minute before the inevitable happens.
“C, wait, mmm…wait.” Justin’s brain stops the kiss, though his
body can’t believe what the fuck is happening.
“Josh.” Josh smiles a little at
him, his lips obedient. His hands
sliding down to Justin’s bare ass aren’t so compliant. “Um, what are we, I mean, is this gonna fuck
up our friendship?”
“No.” Justin smiles and leans in, but is stopped by
Josh gulping and whispers, “I mean, I hope not.” Josh rubs his nose against Justin’s, then
baby-kisses him all over his face.
Justin can hear and feel his breath.
“Jus, I don’t want to do anything to ruin our friendship.”
Justin’s throat goes dry. He closes his eyes in defeat. “Neither do I.”
“I mean, damn. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I mean that, Justin.” Justin can hear the gravity in Josh’s
whisper. “I don’t want that…that part of
us…to change.”
“Me, either,” Justin mumbles. Josh cradles Justin’s face, forcing their
eyes to meet. They stare at each other,
breathing heavily, questioning.
“Don’t want to lose my best friend,”
Josh whispers, his mouth just barely touching Justin’s, his hands unsure on
Justin’s chest. Justin wishes he’d never
even mentioned Nick.
“So…we’ll just be friends…with
benefits?” Justin asks quickly, before Josh can think the better of it and
reject the idea.
“Friends with
benefits.” Josh smiles sadly and
sighs. “Is that what you want?” Justin wants to scream NO at the top
of his lungs, but he doesn’t think he can speak, so he just nods his head. “Ok, Justin.”
Josh smiles and kisses him, but Justin wants to cry. So close, he thinks. But as Josh’s kisses deepen, he doesn’t stay
sad for too long. It’s not perfect, it’s
not exactly what he wants, but if “friends with benefits” is the only way he
can have Josh, that is what he’ll take.
He’s wanted Josh for seven months.
Seven months of wanting Josh to kiss him. Seven months of wanting Josh’s hands sliding
like silk across his chest and down his back.
Months of imagining Josh humming happily in his ear as
he plays with his nipples. Months
of sharing beds with Josh, fighting the urge to change their so-called platonic
embraces into what they have now—two best friends rolling around in bed,
kissing wetly, murmuring unintelligible nothings. He’s waited so long, and Josh kisses so
fucking good, that Justin can’t be too upset.
It’s almost as if Justin is two
people right now. One is letting Josh
roll him onto his back, kissing and licking wet strokes down his chest, hands
stroking Justin’s inner thighs. The
other Justin is sitting next to the bed, watching, cheerleading, freaking out
like the teenybopper he sometimes is.
Neither Justin can hardly believe it’s finally
happening.
“C.”
Justin whispers his favorite nickname for his best friend over and over,
hoping something more intelligible will come out, hoping Josh will understand by
his body’s response that this friends-with-benefits thing is bullshit. He looks down several times, but he can’t get
the words out. Josh’s hands are stroking
his legs, his stomach, his ass. But it’s Josh’s mouth, hot and wet on his nipples, that makes Justin groan uncontrollably. “C…C...yeessssssssss.”
“Yes.” Josh raises himself to his knees to give
Justin a good, long once-over before flopping back down. Justin catches him and they kiss and grind
each other. They lick into each other’s
mouths slowly, around teeth and tongues and lips, sharing each other’s
flavors. Justin wraps his legs around
Josh and pulls him close. He groans
impatiently at the harsh material of Josh’s pants rubbing against the sensitive
head of his cock.
“Can I?” Justin’s hand is down at Josh’s fly before he
can stop himself. “You wanna?” Josh nods then leans back in for another deep
kiss. Together they unbutton and unzip
Josh. Together they push Josh’s pants
down just a few inches, enough to send a shiver between them when bare flesh
meets.
Whenever Justin imagined hooking up
with Josh—and he’s imagined often—he always pictured it as being more
romantic. A lot more
romantic. Not that this isn’t
somewhat romantic. The kissing, the touching,
the whispering, the gentle, almost accidental strokes between the legs—it all feels romantic to Justin. But he can’t quite get past his fear that
Josh might be doing this only because he’s lonely and frustrated and
confused. And drunk. And dead tired. They both are. As hot as Justin is, as hot as Josh feels on
top of him, Justin can barely keep his eyes open. He gives in and leaves them closed as he lets
Josh grind his body down in the mattress.
It’s slow and sexy, and Justin can do little more than squeeze Josh’s
half naked body between his arms and legs and hold on for the ride.
“Justin…mmm…you
awake?” Justin looks up into Josh’s
sweet, tired eyes. His lips are parted
and wet from Justin’s mouth.
“Baby.” Justin rolls them over smoothly, and when he
rests back down he’s eye level with the Leo pendant that Josh never takes
off. He smiles and thinks about the day
three months ago when Josh sat him down to tell him that he was adopted, and
that the pendant was a gift from his birth mother. It meant the world to Justin that Josh wanted
him to know. When Justin kisses it, Josh
sighs and thrusts his hips against Justin’s stomach. “Have you ever let anyone else wear this?”
Justin whispers as he kisses down Josh’s chest and plays with the thin chain.
“No.” Josh pauses as he sucks on his
thumbnail. “You wanna borrow it?”
Justin stops cold. “You’d…you’d let me? Wear it?”
“Um,” Josh makes a strange sound
between a giggle and a moan when Justin flicks his tongue over a nipple. “Um, not forever. But, for a little bit? Yeah.”
“Why me?”
“Because I—because you’re—just
because.” An
explanation good enough to make Justin’s stomach flip. He slides back up Josh’s body, stopping to
suck the other nipple rigid before licking and nibbling his way up to Josh’s
mouth. He takes the thumb Josh has been
sucking out of Josh’s mouth and slips it into his own. “Oh God.” They kiss again and manage to ease Josh the
rest of the way out of his pants. Before
Justin can properly take hold, Josh quickly whispers, “Justin. Am I taking advantage of you?”
“I think maybe I’m taking advantage
of you.” It’s a weird moment that
follows; it seems unclear to both men if what they just said was a bad or a
good thing. Justin makes the decision
for them and presses his body into his friend, leaving just enough room between
them for his hand to slide down and gently cup Josh’s penis. Josh jumps a little, then
blushes sweetly. He sucks on Justin’s
tongue as he slides his hand from Justin’s ass between their bodies to take
hold of Justin’s cock as well.
“Mmm,
nice,” Josh grumbles, his mouth full of Justin’s tongue. Justin holds back a giggle when he quickly
allows himself to imagine another part of his body choking Josh like that. They stroke each other a little, but their
energy is waning. The alcohol, the late
hour, the sugar/caffeine crash—Justin can feel himself falling even as he can
feel his cock swelling slowly between Josh’s deft fingers.
“Josh. Mmm. So
tired.”
“Me too.” The kissing slows to smacks on lips and
cheeks. Josh whispers something, but
Justin is too tired to understand. Their
hands come up into an embrace, leaving their half-hard erections pressed
together between warm, slightly damp bodies.
One last kiss and Josh is out.
Justin gets comfortable on top of his best friend, digs his hips in to
force Josh’s cock right where he wants it, and sighs himself to a restless
sleep.
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