You Bring Me Joy

(Like a Best Friend Should)

Chapter Twenty Six

43. Tuesday

Josh invites himself over to Justin’s for dinner Tuesday night. Justin waits for Josh to make a move, but it doesn’t come. They spend the evening talking and eating and hanging out, just like old times. It’s comfortable, if a little frustrating. By now, of course, Justin is used to that.

Later, after they finish the dishes and start on their second glasses of the red wine Josh brought, Josh stands up and yawns. Justin watches Josh’s shirt rise, exposing the rippled abs that Josh has been working so hard to get. His breath hitches in his throat. Josh smiles and sits right next to Justin on the couch.

“Hey, best friend.”

“Hey, best friend,” Justin responds. He settles down into the cushions, arches his back, and waits.

“It’s, um, it’s been about 24 hours,” Josh states as he looks at his watch.

“Oh yeah?” Justin tries to sound blasé, but his heart is pounding already.

“Yeah. A whole day. That’s a long time.” Josh looks at his thumbnail, but he resists nibbling, instead laying his hand on his thigh. “So, um…may I kiss you?”

“If you feel that you must,” Justin sighs.

“Oh, I must.”

They’ve been necking for 10 minutes when Josh’s cell phone rings. He ignores it at first, but Justin stops kissing him and pouts at the annoying ring tones.

“It’ll stop in a second, J. Kiss me.”

“That’s…Josh…answer it, man. What the fuck is that song? Rick Springfield?” Justin laughs and takes it upon himself to grab Josh’s bag from the floor.

“Hey, ‘Jessie’s Girl’ is a classic, cat!” Justin rolls his eyes and patiently waits for Josh to finish his business and get back to him. “Hello? Oh…hey, man.” Josh smiles, pulls out of Justin’s arms and walks a few feet away. Justin coughs and crosses his legs angrily. “I’m good, how are you?” Josh murmurs into the phone. Justin coughs again. “That’s good. Mmm. Uh-huh. Oh, that’s great, man. Yeah…it’s good to talk to you, too.”

“Jooooosh,” Justin yawns loudly, “you got any more red wine?”

“So things are good with you?” Josh asks, completely ignoring Justin’s actions. “Yeah. Oh…um. Actually, I’m busy tomorrow night. Friday?” Josh finally looks at Justin, raises his eyebrows and smiles hopefully. Justin nods as if to say Well, duh, Josh! “Yeah, I’m busy Friday, too. I guess you could say I’m…um…yeah. I guess you could say that,” Josh says into the phone, then turns and walks into the kitchen. Justin leans as far towards the kitchen as he can without falling off the couch. He holds his breath and makes out Josh murmuring, “I don’t know, Dallas. Maybe. Yeah…it’s the same…yeah. We’ll see, man. Yeah, he knows.” Justin’s ears start to burn. “I want to, but I still don’t—I know, man. But it’s…yeah. Yes! Dude, that’s private!”

“What the fuck?” Justin whispers to himself, then shuts up quickly when he hears Josh approaching.

“I hope so, I really do, Dallas. Yeah. Dude, believe me, if it happens, I’ll tell you. Yeah. Yeah. It’s worth it, believe me.” Justin’s heart thumps in his chest, and he doesn’t even really know why. Josh strolls back into the living room and stops to run his hand over Justin’s shaved head. “Ok, cat. I’d like that, too. Yeah, I’ll call you about that show next week. Cool, I’m there.” Justin can’t believe he has to listen to Josh make a date right in front of him. “What’s that? Oh, um, I think he’ll let me go out with you for one night.” Josh winks playfully. Justin fights the urge to smash the phone into pieces. “Alright, cat. Talk to you soon. Peace.” Josh hits the talk button, turns the ringer off, and places his phone back in his bag. “That was Dallas. Remember, he’s the guy—”

“Yeah, I remember,” Justin retorts. “You guys doing something next week?”

“We’d talked about trying to get tickets to the Seal concert. We’ll see.” Josh sighs and flops back down next to Justin. “He’s a good guy.”

“You like him a lot,” Justin mumbles.

“Yeah, but not as much as—he’s a really good guy. We like a lot of the same music and stuff.” Josh smiles easily and scoots closer. His hand falls gingerly on Justin’s thigh.

“Do you think you’ll…date him?” Justin hopes it doesn’t sound too needy.

“Date? Do you mean…like us?”

“Are we dating?” whispers Justin, his eyes wide, his hand clenched.

“We’re friends. With benefits. Right, Justin?”

“Yeah.” Justin forces a smile, but Josh’s turns to a concerned frown.

“That’s what you wanted, right?” Josh’s voice goes up, threatening an exasperated squeak. “Because if you don’t, we can stop—”

“No, no. I mean, yes, that’s what I—yes. Benefits, yes,” Justin lies. He doesn’t want to hear Josh say that he’s not ready for more. He doesn’t want to hear Josh say that, as much as he loves him as a friend, and is attracted to him, he just doesn’t love him that way. Justin doesn’t want to give up hope just yet that Josh could, someday soon, fall for him completely. So, he’ll take what he can get. Friends with benefits, Justin decides, is better than just friends. And certainly better than no friends at all.

“So…that’s where we are, then?” Josh asks carefully.

“Guess so.”

“Oh.”

“Are you—nevermind.”

“Ask me.”

“Are you…um.” Justin looks at his hands. “With benefits…with Dallas?”

“Would that bother you?”

“Nnnnnyes.” Justin almost laughs, but Josh beats him to it.

“You’re funny, J. And sweet. And gorgeous.” Josh crawls onto Justin’s lap and leans in so his lips are just…barely…touching…Justin’s. “And…you’re the only ‘with benefits’ I need.”

Justin teeters on the edge of the couch, but Josh’s firm hand on his back keeps him from falling off. They kiss while lying on their sides, Justin sandwiching Josh between himself and the plush couch cushions. It’s a little uncomfortable, but it makes for nice, slow, take-your-time making out. The kind Justin did with girls, when he didn’t have to worry if anyone would see, when they didn’t have to rush. Josh sometimes stops to ask Justin a question about work or his life, and he happily sucks on Justin’s neck while he listens to the answers. Sometimes Justin stops just so he can look at Josh, touch his face, his neck, really look at him from up close, in the brightness of day. Josh is a different kind of beautiful like this, eyes big in Justin’s line of sight.

“You’re so damn beautiful, I almost can’t believe it.”

“Oh,” is all Justin can utter. He swallows and tries to talk. “How do you…you read my mind.”

“C’mere.” Josh pulls him into a gasp-inducing kiss. Justin’s mind reels as he’s rolled onto his back.

They kiss and touch each other freely, and yet there seems to be an unspoken agreement that third base is still off limits. Justin wonders about it as he watches Josh kiss down his chest and stomach, peeling his shirt apart and deftly unzipping his pants. Not that he’d refuse, quite the contrary, but he thinks perhaps they should talk about it before they go further. He opens his mouth when Josh kisses a few stray hairs leading into his underwear, but Josh is one step ahead of him.

“J, I want you to do something for me,” Josh growls as he traces Justin’s cock through his underwear. When Justin nods impatiently, Josh sits up, hovering over Justin’s ignited body, and demands, “Show me your cock.”

Justin blushes as he smiles. “You’ve seen it. And, um, touched it.”

“Yeah, but not when I was alert and sober,” Josh states matter-of-factly. “And not in the daylight.” When Justin starts to laugh, Josh quickly adds, “I’ll show you mine.”

“Yeah.” Josh sits up, straddling Justin’s legs, and watches as Justin pulls his cock out of his underwear. It’s already half-hard, and it only gets harder with Justin subtly stroking it. Josh licks his lips at the display. “Touch it.” When Josh lays his fingers on the shaft and wiggles his eyebrows, they both giggle.

“Different now…in the light of day, huh?”

“Still hot though,” murmurs Justin. He presses himself into Josh’s hand. “Let me see you.” Justin waits patiently as Josh undoes his pants and releases his burgeoning erection. Josh strokes himself slowly, looks at it, then looks at Justin as he runs a forefinger back and forth over the moist opening.

“God, J, you got me so hot,” he hisses. Justin nods and pushes his clothes down a little bit further, enough so Josh can see the entire package. His legs spread when Josh does the same.

“It’s so…you’re so beautiful,” Justin whispers. He squeezes himself gently, then inhales sharply when Josh takes Justin’s hand and lays it on his own cock. Josh guides Justin’s hand on him, lets Justin feel the smooth, warm flesh between his legs.

“Feels so good. You made me feel this,” Josh groans, staring into Justin’s eyes, his cock dribbling onto Justin’s fingers. Justin’s feather-light strokes against the tip produce more sighs, more precum. Transfixed, Justin lifts his fingers to his mouth. Their eyes lock when Justin licks Josh’s moisture from his finger. Josh whimpers and crawls on top of Justin.

“You like it?” Josh purrs, grinding his cock against Justin’s. Without an answer, Justin opens his mouth, letting Josh see how wet his lips are before Josh descends on them for a searing kiss. Josh crushes Justin underneath him, grinding him desperately as he sucks Justin’s kiss and his own taste back into his mouth.

“Jo…mmmmm.” The frottage has Justin practically humming Josh’s name in one long, endless syllable. He arches and tilts accordingly with Josh’s thrusts against him, increasing the friction between their bellies, their bodies, their genitals. He almost can’t breathe from Josh’s insistent kiss, but he doesn’t complain. Being kissed and dry humped to death seems like a fine way to go. When Josh starts to alternately jerk him off and tug on his testicles, Justin really does think he’s going to die.

“Oh. You’re amazing, C. Fucking…yes.”

“Mmm.” Josh tongues him again, grinding him harder but slower, driving him crazier.

“This is…yes. Need you, Josh.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Mmmm. Need your hands, your mouth. Want to feel…touch you.” Justin slips his hands into the back of Josh’s pants and squeezes his ass. Josh gasps when Justin’s fingertips flutter into the cleft suggestively.

“Fuck, Justin.”

“Yeah? Really?” It comes out in a whisper. It’s awkward for a second, and then Josh is kissing him again. It’s getting to be too much. Justin feels light-headed from the loss of blood from his brain to his penis. Restraint is next to go. “Josh…ohhh…baby…want to.” He licks Josh’s lips and growls, “Want to…taste you.”

“Ohhhh.” Josh closes his eyes. He’s shivering.

“Let’s go,” Justin whispers wantonly, pressing his cock against Josh’s in long strokes. “C’mon. Bedroom.” Josh is panting and his hips are moving in perfect sync with Justin’s, so it’s quite surprising when Josh winces and mumbles, “It’s late, J. I…better get going.”

“You’re kidding, right?” When Josh doesn’t smile, Justin starts to panic a little bit. “C…it’s ok. It’s ok. Stay. Stay with me.”

“J.” Josh tries to sit up and tuck himself back into his pants, but Justin greedily takes him back down. He kisses Josh’s neck and rocks against him desperately.

“Stay, Josh. Let’s go to bed, man.” Josh responds, pressing Justin down to the couch to look at him closely as they move against each other. Justin smiles up at him. “Wanna come to bed with me? Hmm?”

“Justin…I…I just think I should go.”

“Spend the night with me,” whispers Justin. He cradles Josh’s face and repeats the request.

“I can’t. I shouldn’t.”

“Why, baby?”

“I just can’t.” Josh looks embarrassed for a second, which makes Justin feel guilty. He doesn’t want to push any further and risk losing the ill-gotten “benefits” of their friendship. He nods and smiles wearily. If this is the boundary of their arrangement, then so be it.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to.”

“Justin.”

“It’s just…are you sure? We don’t have to do anything. We haven’t slept together—in the same bed in days,” Justin explains, and hopes it doesn’t sound like begging.

“I know, J.”

“You don’t want to sleep with me?”

Josh looks at Justin incredulously. “Oh, J. I want to sleep with you. God, I want to sleep with you so bad. That’s the problem.”

“Oh.” Justin is stunned, but forces himself to conceal it. Josh sighs and kisses Justin gently.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry…mmmm.” They kiss more, wetly, deeply, so much so that Justin thinks perhaps that Josh has already changed his own mind. Taking advantage of the turn, Justin pulls them both to their feet and starts to walk Josh back toward his bedroom.

“Missed you the past two nights, C.”

“Me, too.”

“Then stay with me.”

“Oh…yes…no. I can’t. I gotta go.” Josh pulls out of Justin’s arms and nervously goes about redressing himself. Justin watches, and pouts.

“You’re sure, then.”

“Uh-huh.” They both tuck in and zip up and re-button, but they watch each other as they do it. It’s both hot and disheartening. When Josh is done, he looks down at his lap. “Damn it,” he mutters.

“You gonna take care of that when you get home?” Justin snickers. He steps closer, and gasps when Josh grabs his hand and places it firmly on his package.

“You want me to?”

“No.” Justin presses his lips in the space behind Josh’s right ear. Josh shivers and gently cups Justin, too. “Leave it, Josh.”

“You trying to punish me?”

“No. Trying to drive you crazy, man.” Another wet kiss. “I’ll do the same. OK?”

Josh smiles sweetly and takes Justin into his arms. “Goodnight, baby.”

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