my heart and life in letters... page 2

I have just had an absolutly peachy day. After waking up this morning at around 1pm I realized that I had missed my first class. Oh well, who needs political science anyway. Then I got to my math class just in time to get yelled at along with the rest of the class for being late. But such is life I suppose.

On my way back to my dorm room, i realized that I had lost my keys. And after looking unsuccessfully for them, I went back and had my RA let me in my room - ate a pb&j sandwich and went to bed for a nap.

I woke up at around 7:45pm and went to an empty computer lab that I had keys to with a friend, and have been here ever since. Dark, vacant buildings could be lonley late at night, but I was far from lonley with a new, but seemingly longtime friend to keep me company. After we wasted the night away playing online, we are going to get some sleep. I will be going home to do laundry tomorrow, unless someone has it done for me when I get back to my room, which I doubt. I will try my best to get back here on Sunday to make another entry. Hope everyone has a "peachy day." *grin* Goodnight.

"Peachy Keen," ladies and gentlemen. That is the phrase that pays for today. Though, I'm not sure why. One of my friends just said that's what he was so I figured I might as well be too.

After waking late yet again this morning and stumbling into the shower in a slumber I readied for my 3 hour trip to the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. (National football champs by the way.)

I had a bad night last night. While lounging and listening to the love band at the Red Rose, I drank those most wonderful tasting soda called Bawls. The taste is a delightful mixture between mountain dew and cream soda Of course, someone forgot to mention to me the fact that it has 10 times as much caffine as an other soda. So, after my 5th bottle, I was so sick I could hardly move. And spent most of the night vomiting, needless to say, that was fun.

Either way - tomorrow always has the potential to be a better day. And though I have to suffer though classes tomorrow, perhaps it will be just that for me. Good night everyone.

Have you ever sat down and wondered why the world is the way it is. No matter how much you give of yourself, no matter how many people you love and care about, the only thing that you get in return is misery.

It is getting to the point that I don't even know what to do anymore. Everyone tells me how great of a person I am for all the things I do for people, then they let the branch hit me in the face as they walk away.

My entire life has been built around what I could do for other people. I used to think that was the way it should be. That it was that characteristic that would get me ahead in life. Now I don't even know where I am in life, much less how to get ahead.

I keep going, because I have no alternative. But I wonder sometimes why things continue as they do. Sometimes I wake up crying at night, until I realize that there is no one there to care about my tears. Maybe some day I won't have to wake up crying...

As I grew up, just like mosy children, my parents and teachers had the most influence on me. Through both those I was shaped in to what I am today. They taught me all my trusts, and who not to trust. I am beginning to think they did it wrong.

I was always raised to trust people until they give you a reason not to trust them. And I have always done that. even when people would give me a reason, I would still allow them a certain avenue of trust, hoping they wouldn't disappoint me. That never really happened though.

It seems that everyone I have ever trusted has turned their back on me. My parents did it first, just because of who I am. And then, when the real me went out and made lots of friends, it was to no advance in life, because all my friends have ended up stabbing me in the back.

Oh yeah, you hear the "I love you," and "I will always be here for you," or "Im sorry that happened, I would never do that to you." But what they are really saying is "I love you until I get what I want," or "I will always be here for you but don't count on that because I just say it because it sounds good."

From relationships, to status, to position, to pure greed, trust is always betrayed. Or at least that has proved to be so for me. I am tired of being torn apart just because of the way I feel, or because of the people I trusted. Fuck that.

Trust no one - Because no one cares.

And for all of you who have noticed this sudden change in mood, I decided that this was suppose to be a personal log of my days and feelings so you get it all.