It's been a long time since I have been this excited. The last time my excitement was cut off by people who had no rights to do so whatsoever. I pray this time it will be different. Soon loverboy, soon.
I put my heart out on a stick again just to have it torched in myface. It all seems like I'm in a bad dream- stuck, with no return. what I awaited was so wonderful, so much more that I even expected, and just when I thought it couldnt get any better, it crumbled faster that Brutus turned away after stabbing Ceaser.
After a few hours passed blissfully with wonderful company, it began to untwine.
The waves from the Tybee accompany my tears now, as they have in the past. Forced to leave because of my own carlessness, I came here not knowing where else to go. Ill spend the night on the beach tonight, with some new, but great friends Ryan and Seth, who have been doing a great job at attempting to comfort me, however in vain it is, its appreciated. Its is scary to know that friends only hours old can show more empathy and thoughtfulness than some who recently professed love, then revoked it. What the hell was I thinking. I knew better than this entire thing in the first place. *sigh* I said it was my last, best hope for peace (meaning peace of mind) and it failed.
You know before I came down here almost everyone that I know told me not to go, that it just didn't feel right. I wish I had listened. I am throwing seashells into the ocean now, you'd be amazed how far the wind can carry them, kinda like that wish that I made last night in a fountain in downtown Savannah; I guess it couldn't find anything that made it want to come true, other than me.
It's amazing really, if I think aboutit. A very close friend of mine told me on the day that I left that something was wrong here - with where I was going that is. He said that the decisions that I made while I was away, if I went, would make or break my future - how could he have been more right. Maybe one of these days I will listen to what people tell me, instead of always deciding things with my heart. I think I may have said this once before, but it's worth repeating. I heard it in a song a couple of days ago - "Don't be wreckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with those who are wreckless with yours." If you figure out how to do that last part, tell me how.
Seth just brought me some warm tea that stirred me into life I guess- I'm at a beach house with a private beach if you were wondering if I was sleeping on a public one. We fell asleep last night before going inside. You just can't imagine what it was like to be held last night, as I cried. I thought there was no one left who actually cared enough to do something like that for me. seth got to see a part of me that is rarely shown. He saw the little boy who wanted to cry for his mommy, who wanted to just curl up inside that blue, fuzzy blanket and never have to face the world again. I guess we all do though.
I don't know where I'll go from here. Seth & ryan are going down to st. Augustine for the night, maybe I'll go with them. They are going to be back in the morning, and they invited me to ride down with them. It's an offer that is pretty hard to refuse right now. I don't think i can take a long drive alone right now without totally losing my sanity.
As I say goodbye again to someone that I loved & continue down the coast I wonder how many times it has to be this way before I get it right - or if that's even possibile. I'm so exausted, even after sleep, much more mentally than physically. Thank God it has finally come to an end. well, the nightmare hasn't ended, just changed stages I'm afraid. But the morning night does burn and end forever to "the night the light's went out in Georgia," to steal a phrase from Reba. It also closes my last trip to Savannah. On the music theme, here's some more.
"The ocean's a little bit bigger tonight with two teardrops that somebody cried. One of them happy and one of them bluer than blue."
