| My Days.....page 15 |
| November 21, 1999 8:19pm ES |
| Last night the wind was so cold that my body froze in bed as I listened to it right outside the window. I finished crying in the instant that you left and I cant remember where or when or how. That I banished every memory you and I ever made. But when he touches me like this, and he holds me like that, sigh, it all comes back to me. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light. There were things I never do again but then they always seemed right. There were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than any human could feel. And if I kiss you like this, and if you wisper like that, it was lost long ago but it's all coming back to me know. If you want me like this and if I need you like that, it was that long ago but it's all coming back to me now. There were hours that just went on for days....When alone at last we caught up on the chances we'd been looking for forever...... As I lay in someone's arms last night I cried as a little boy would after being scolding for something he didn't understand. He didn't know I was crying, I kept it well hidden, or at least the colour of the evening did as my tears soaked into the satin. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't unhappy, quite the opposite actually. It was so amazing to feel skin next to mine in the darkness again. I guess I was just a little nestalgic. It's been so long since I felt as I did last night, the summer of last year to be exact. SMILE my own little midsummer night's dream came true, for a short period of time. So as this feeling comes back it reminds me of the last time I felt this way, which you would think would be good, but that situation ended abruptly and unhappily, and somehow I am reminded of that now, I'm sure I will get over it, it's just hard. I know this sounds deep, but its the only way I know how to explain it. It seems that is my life these days, explaining things, somtimes I just wish someone would explain things to me. Anyway, I love him just as I loved someone else a year ago. And I want nothing more than to be where I am right now. |
 |
| November 22, 1999 10:03pm ES |
| Hrm. For once I star at a blank screen and have no idea what to say. Creation comes when you learn to say no I guess. I feel kinda icky today, not physically, I feel fine there, I dunno, it has just been blah today. Someone told me today that I had lots of lessons to learn, like that was an insult, but the way I look at it, we all have lots of lessons to learn. We are all constantly learning about one thing or the other. I am going home in a couple of days for Thanksgiving, yeah, I know, I cant believe it either. This should be interesing. Putting up with the aunts is a wonderful tradition, though I'm sure I could do with out that added drama in my life, but we all know how that goes, there are just some things in life that one must do to survive, this time, mine is dealing with the aunts. I am meeting my sister in Atlanta wednesday to drive home. So everyone wish me luck. Ill talk to you la |
| November 24, 1999 1:34am ES |
 |
| I love SMIL |
 |
| November 24, 1999 4:16pm ES |
| I guess before I never gave it a chance. I never saw the purpose in listening to music at deafening volumes with heart pounding beats. Gosh was I ever wrong. It is too amazing for words. The beat, cleanses your thoughts. It pushes everything out of your head, everything out of your mind, until there is nothing there but the music. Nothing to worry about, no one to get in your way. There is no greater power the power of your own mind, and most people can never focus on that. Have you ever heard someone say, "thats so loud I cant hear myself think." Exactly. When you cant think about whats going on around you it forces you to focus on what's going on inside you. Which is usually a scary thing for most of us. To know yourself, is to love yourself. HAH, thats bullshit. But if you know a little more about yourself sometimes it helps when you are trying to navigate society. It helps break down some of those barriers that we all put up unconciously. If you can use your mind to tackle obstacles instead of your body, it has to be a lot easier Umm, okay, that is the end of the interruption of susan powders power message, now back to our regualary scheduled broadcast. *Shaking head* Anyway. I am going home in a few hours. If you pray, pray...if you don't, start. sigh. I think I will go back to my music now. If you have any loudass pounding tecno dance mixes that you like, let me know. lates. |
| Click here to go on to the next page or to go back to the previous one... |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |