My Days.....page 57
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Feb 8 , 2005  7:30pm E
50-70% Horny
You have an active sex life and you enjoy it,
though its not the most important thing in your
life, your horniness factor is about 50-70%

How Horny Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Feb 13 , 2005  8:05pm C























According to this survey, I am 50-70% horny.  Not sure what to think about that, but oh well.  I found the link on a livejournal that I was reading earlier today.  A boy who I met online from Sewanee.  He is going to the university of the South.  YAWN.  I am sitting in the computer lab bored out of my mind as I have been pretty much all day.  I had sociology this morning, which is a class that I'm taking for the second time because the credit didn't transfer from DeVry, which it seems was a total was of a year of my time. But oh well, it was experience I suppose, I'll never pass that up.

  I went to a gospel concert with my parents saturday night.  Yes, believe it or not I enjoy gospel music occasionally.  Although, the primary reason I went saturday was just so my parents wouldn't have to try to find their way through chattanooga by themselves.  Over the past 5 years or so they have this thing where they don't like to drive anywhere away from home, out of familiar settings and everything.  I guess that couples with getting older, I don't know, but I enjoy being in places I've never been, or that I'm unfamiliar with.  I think I'm going to hell simply for the thoughts I was having about a couple of the singers that were singing saturday night.  The group was the Crabb family and I think I'm going str8 to hell for some of the thoughts I was having about the twins that were part of the group.  Grin.   Anyway, Its time for me to go, so alas, have a good night everyone.  Later, Nic.
Down with love the flowers and rice and shoes, Down with love the root of all midnight blues, Down with things that give you that well-known pain, take that moon and wrap it in cellohane. 

Down with love let's liquidate all its friends. Moon and June and roses and rainbow's ends
Down with songs that moan about night and day, Down with love yes take it away, away
Away, far away, give it back to the birds and bees and the Viennese

Down with eyes romantic and stupid, Down with sighs and down with cupid.  Brother let's stuff that dove, Down with love.

And that would be how I feel about Valentine's day. blah.  I went out last night and had an interesting time though.  Joe and I went to Nashville to the mall and I get some new desil shoes, even though I don't think I spelled that correctly.  Anyway, hanging out with Joe was really cool.  We went to Cafe Coco afterward and saw Sage.  I haven't seen here in almost a year.  She seemed to be doing well, under whatever defintion that she would apply.  It was really reminisant of my days in Atlanta actually.  Joe bought a few rolls from her, ten I think, and payed like $230.00 for them.  Sheesh, I remember driving to Miama and getting a thousand at a time for a dollar a piece, they would be all enclosed in those little plastic/foil pill wrappers, it was something else.  Anyway, things thankfully are much different now, that part of my life is over...

It seems that joe is moving with his boyfriend Kaylan to Kennessaw to be closer to "A-Town" as he said.  He has no idea the the devil lives there, grin.  But I'm sure he'll find out.  Lorrie is on bed rest these days, and had to withdraw from school.  She is something else altogether.  Anyway, I am going to watch charmed.  G'nite.
My New Shoes :-)
Feb 20 , 2005  12:21am C
I know sometimes, things may not always makes sense to you right now, but hey, what'd they always tell you, straighten up, stiffen that upper lip, what you cryin about, you've got me?

RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO: { Eminem, Mockingbird }

As I'm sure I have pointed out several times in the past, it truly is amazing to me how things change.  -sigh- I saw someone today that made me think back... When I was a kid, I had a very active sex life.  I didn't really look at it as having sex, just "messin' around" but whatever.  Anyway, there were two brothers that lived near me. there's about 2 years difference in them I think. Their mom rented a house from my mother actually, and the older brother was around my age, I think maybe a year younger.  We were really good friends for a couple of years, spending the night at eachother's houses and tearing things apart.  I grew up in a really small town in the sticks, so we played outside a lot in the 100 acre wood near my house.  hehe. So, needless to say, 3 things led to four and we ended up doing things all best friends don't do.  We had a lot of fun though, I had a go-cart then and we road around a track in a field near my house.  The sexual relationship was a rather abnormal part of our friendship, but it worked out good enough.

My point in bringing this up, is just that it's amazing how people turn out and stuff.  Both those guys are very straight now, and I suppose they were then too, though you would never have known it by our actions.  I on the other hand, am not very straight, heh not str8 at all as a matter of fact.  Just seeing them around, and the others like them, and believe me there are others, makes me realize how much people are different.  It sucks that everyone can't just embrace those differences and have fun in life.  Now I'm not saying everyone should just fuck eachother, though that might help a little, just that society should be a little less uptight about everything.  I mean who cares where you've been and what you've done, past actions shouldn't influence present potential.  Alas, it does though.

School is still going good, it's driving me CRAZY most of the time, cause I am trying to do way to much, but I guess that isn't anything abnormal.  I'm making it work though.  I went to the symphony tonight with my mother in Chattanooga.  I enjoyed it, though I don't think she did.  I didn't pay attention to the seats and where they were when I bought the tickets, I just got the cheapest ones and they were at the very top of the Tivoli theatre, my mom told everyone they just hung us fron the ceiling.  I don't think she really cared how much the tickets cost, she just wanted to be lower so she didn't have to climb so many stairs.  Anywayz, I need to get back to being constructive.  I am burning all the files on my computer to cd so I can format my hard drives.  That has some interesting connotations to it doesn't it?  GRIN, anyway, so good night everyone.  And Patrick, thanks for calling, it's about damned time, now do it more often boy.  Lates, Nic.
Feb 20 , 2005  12:21am C
"One hand, reaches and pulls a lost soul from harm, while a thousand more go unspoken for and they say what good have you done by saving just this one, it's like wispering a prayer in the fury of a storm.  And I hear them saying you'll never change things, and no matter what you do it's still the same thing.  But it's not the world that I am changing. I do this so this world will know that it will not change me. 

This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist. While all the hatreds rage and so many say that love is all but pointless in madness such as this, it's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss.  And I hear them saying that you'll never change thigns and no matter what you do it's still the same thing.  But it's not the world that I am changing, I do this so this world will know that it will not change me.

As long one heart still holds on then hope is never really gone...  What I do is so, this world will know that it will not change me" 

RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO: { Garth Brooks, The Change }

I really do believe that love and mercy still exist.  I think maybe I'm one of the few left that do.  Maybe I've been blinded I don't know.  But I've been there before, I've seen the love in someones eyes as we held eachother.  And I've seen the pain in a stranger's eyes and I've tried to soothe it, to change their lives for the better.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  But that's not excuse not to try.  Because those times that it does work, when you can get through to someone and make them look at life a little differently, it's worth all the loss. 

So last night I talked for a few hours with a guy who found my profile on XY.com, who knew?  It was awesome to talk to someone else who seems to be looking for some of the same things in life that I am.  Good luck Shawn, with everything. 

I spent most of the day yesterday studying, I have 2 tests on monday, a mid term on tuesday and a couple of papers that are due at the beginning of the week as well.  It seems like when it rains it pours your know.  Everything seems to come out of the woodwork at the most inoppurtune moments.  But I'm drudging along.  I really should be studying now, but I wanted to write first.  Writing here seems to clear my mind most days.  Talking to Shawn reminded me that everyone's looking for something...

"Everybody's looking for that something, one thing that makes it all complete.  You find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it could be.  Some find it in the face of their children, some find it in their lover's eyes.  Who can deny the joy it brings, when you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings.  Some find it sharing every morning, some in the solitary night.  You'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you life or cry.  You'll find it in the deepest friendships, the kind you cherish all your life.  And when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings.

It's seems so impossible, but you must see, that you've got to fight for every dream, 'cause who's to know, which one your let go, would have made you complete.  With me it's waking up beside you to watch the sunrise on your face, to know that I can say I love you, at any given time or place.  It's little things that only I know, those are the things that make you mine.  And it's like flying without wings, 'cause you're my special thing.  I'm flying without wings.  And you're the place my life begins, and you'll be where it ends, I'm flying without wings, and that's the joy you bring, I'm flying without wings."

Those lyrics are from a Westlife song called "Flying Without Wings."  That pretty much sums up how I thing things go.  I think everyone is truly looking for something, it's not always the same thing, it can be different for everyone.  From someone special to help complete them, to a child that changes the lifes of its parents, or a child that changes the lives of a single mom.  Every moment that we share together as friends, as lovers, as human beings, should be such an awesome thing, but it seems that most people don't see it that way.  Alas, maybe the world will change, but even if it doesn't it will never change me... I'm off to study, Ciao.
Mar 01 , 2005  10:34pm C
In my home town, for anyone who sticks around - you're either lost or your found, there's not much in between.  In my hometown, everything's still black and white, It's a long, long way from wrong to right - from sunday morning to Saturday night

Everybody just wants to get high, Sit and watch a perfect world go by.  We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives.  We follow the roads that lead us, to drugs or Jesus.

My whole life, I've tried to run, I've tried to hide, from the stained glass windows in my mind, Refusing to let God's light shine down on me. Everybody just wants to get high, Sit and watch a perfect world go by.  We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives.  There's not much space between us, Drugs or Jesus. 

Everybody wants acceptance, We all just want some proof, Everone's just looking for the truth.  Everybody just wants to get high, Sit and watch a perfect world go by.  We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives, and we all follow the roads that lead us... to drugs or Jesus,

RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO: { Tim McGraw, Drugs or Jesus }

That song is something else if you think about it.  And no I didn't run off somewhere and find religion either, I guess you would sat that Ive always had it.  I was raised in a souther baptist church as a child, I know what those stained glass windows are like, uggh.  I just wanted to remeber that song, thats the real reason that I put it here.  It touches me in some way, not sure where directly.  Like a lot of other people in the world, I've had my battle with drugs.  And if you want to equate my climb back up on the wagon with Jesus, then fine.  Whatever makes you feel better.  If it was define intervention or just the sudden stroke of free will, I guess we'll never know.

I got a letter from the university that I was applying to today.  I didn't get accepted into the program that I wanted to.  It really doesn't bother me though, I had pretty much decided that there was no way that I would in the first place.  There had to be too many other people out there that were much more qualified that I was, and that appeared to be the case this time.  Next time, maybe things will be different.  Until then, alas, I'll keep on keeping on as my Dad used to say, and lots of other people's Dads I'm sure.

Spring break is coming up next week, I think it's about time.  For some reason the first half of this semester has been really tough for me.  I think I did pretty bad on my A&P midterm today, but oh well, I can only do what I have done.  I must study better next time, it's no big loss, I can still pull the grade I want, it's just becomming increasingly more difficult to do so.  The week after spring break I am going to the Tennessee Intercollegiate State Legislature.  It's a mock legislature of sorts where students from all over the state take over the state assembly for a few days.  we create and debate laws, vote on them, and the 2 best get debated on the state congress floor.  It's kinda cool, and something to do to get out of class for 3 days even after we get back from spring break.  What's especially cool is that I have Jordan alone in a hotel room, GRIN, I shouldn't say things like that.  I really am just joshin'.  Jordan is an adorable str8 boy that goes to school with me.  He is in middle college high school actually, a step up from high school to college plan that they have at my school.  I bother him all the time about that fact that he should be gay.  He doesn't seem to mind, I think he likes attention and doesn't really care where it's coming from. 

YAWN, I really should be in bed.  I have to get up in five and 1/2 hours.  Lates,
Mar 11 , 2005  9:27am C
No one raised a hand that day when they asked for volunteers, he got picked out by default, he was the only daddy there.  They said we know what your thinking, choose someone else instead, but this league was built on coaches who stood right there and said...

Not me, not me, no way with this job of mine I could never find the time, Not Me, Not Me The world becomes a better place when someone stands and leads the way, steps forward when they'd rather say not me

The judge says your the oldest, that makes you the legal guardian, I'm sorry how your lost your folks but there's no next of kin. Two brothers and a sister, he knew how hard that it would be, but he softly said "I'll raise 'em..." while the voice inside him screamed... NOT ME, not me.  Ican't believe what's happening this isn't how it's supposed to be. Not me, not me, but this world becomes a better place when someone stands and leads the way, steps forward when they'd rather say not me.

A young captian at attention, a star penned on his chest, he recalls the battles, while the final roll call's read.  They were the finest soldiers it was my privelage to lead, they deserve the metals, the men who died not me.  Not me, not me.  I just did what I was called to do, you'd do the same if it was you.  Not me, not me.  But this world becomes a better place when someone stands and leads the way, steps forward when they'd rather say Not me.  Yeah, steps forward, when they'd rather say Not me...

RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO: { Keni Thomas, Not Me }

I heard this song a couple of weeks ago on the radio and it touched me then.  So when I came across it last night on the internet I wanted to share it when everyone.  I guess a lot of people think I'm a little weird because I still listen to country, but this song and others like it, is the reason that I still listen to country music.  It's just amazing how the writers express emotion and real life situations in their songs.  They may or may not be based on a true story, but if not they're even more intrigueing, because that means someone had to think up these things out of their mind, and that takes some kind of talent and imagination.  If you want you can check out this video here and see why I'm making such a big deal out of the song.                                                                http://www.morainemusic.com/ktnotme.html
So anyway, I have been on spring break from school this week.  I'm not sure who's idea it was to give spring break in the middle of winter, but they should be dragged out into the street and shot.  I haven't really done anything spectacular this week, or anything at all really, save doing papers and homework for school.  It really makes no sense that they give us more work to do over the break than during a normal week, but oh well.  I guess I had a little extra to do as well, because I'm going to be missing 3 days of classes next week to go to the Tennessee Intercollegiate State Legislature in Nashville, so it all works out, I get more of a break than most I guess. 

I talked with Kevin last night for a bit.  It's the first time I've spoken with him over the phone since before the first of the year.  He has been busy I guess, haven't we all.  For those of you who don't know who Kevin Clarke is, and I would that that would be most, he is a porn director.  He directed videos like The American Way 1, 2, & 3, A Young Man's World, The American City, The Heartland, and lots of others.  He and I met when I was 17 and just starting college, and he has been a great friend ever since.  Last night when we were talking, I told him that it was really strange that it seems that most people at my school treat me like a saint, but I guessed that was the way I projected myself to be.  Kevin said, "Since when doe that have anything to do with who you are."  I thought that was pretty witty, and true for that matter.  He was in West Hollywood last night when I talked to him at his hotel.  A couple of his videos were nominated for GayVN awards, I don't know if he won anything yet, but I'm sure he will tell me later.  You can get some information about the GayVN awards at www.GayVNawards.com.

My dad and I are going to get my nephews this afternoon for a few days, so that will be fun :-) Alas, alas, I've had been working on a paper on Frederick Douglass for hours yesterday, or so it seemed.  And I have to finish is now, along with the other two plus research for a third sometime before the weekend is up.  So, I'm off, ciao.