| June 13, 2001 6:24 p.m. |
| I very rarely say things like this but I am SO FUCKING COOL! I'm so proud of myself. Today I actually found my spine and mailed my novel to 13 publishers. I've been writing novels since I was ten years old and I've been working on this particular novel for almost 6 years now. After hours of tears, sleepless nights, and about 15 different drafts, I finally sent off my query and the first three chapters af 5:25 p.m. Now all I can do is wait and continue to edit the remaining 400 pages! My writing has always been something I take very personally, and something that I consider relatively private. This novel in particular was emotionally exhausting to create and it took a lot of energy to actually go through with what I did today. Anyway, I just wanted to share my joy with everyone. Keep me in your prayers as I wait and see if anyone other than me and the few friends I've showed it to actually find it remotely interesting. |
| June 19, 2001 12:38 a.m. |
| Today was a decent day...went to practicum and did absolutely nothing for 7 hours...went to Groups class and did absolutely nothing and bitched about it. Found out Dad is okay and not in need of another surgery (thank God!) and studied a semester's worth of material in about 4 hours for the test I have in...oh...8 hours. Still no word on the potential job/definite internship as to when it is starting and if it will pay. Apparently they're interviewing some other woman....grrrr...I just have this bad feeling that something is going to get screwed up and I'm not going to get this teen court job. If I don't....sigh...Not going to think about that. Of course no news on the novel, but it's driving me nuts. It's a good thing I have tests and readings out the wazooo to keep me busy in the meantime. Next week is my break week and I am still torn between getting the pain that is practicum over with and taking a much needed vacation. The adult world is just so close by and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave college behind now that I'm starting to enjoy it. I had a long talk with Judd about that the other night. He is leaving for Russia in the morning and although I'm sure he won't read this before he leaves I hope he has an incredible time and that he returns happy, safe and spiritually engorged. Anyway, that's all for now. This is merely an attempt to not study for case management anymore...Keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks. I have a feeling that for various reasons I'm going to need all the help I can get. |
| June 23, 2001 3:54 p.m. |
| Got my first rejection letter today. The first in what I'm sure will be a long line, but what can I do? Still have no idea where I'm living next year but hopefully that will all be decided on Monday. Have even less of a clue of what I'm doing for break this week. Sigh. Had a good time hangin out with Thomas last night. We went to see Lara Croft. Definitely a guy movie, but kinda cool nonetheless. I want to get all buff and kick ass like that. I also want someone to make a video game of me where I look really hot. I just don't want to have lips that big. Went out today and bought a whole bunch of crap that I don't need. I got a George Forman Grill cuz there just isn't enough shit on my kitchen counter. :) Anyway, that's about it for now. More news when there's news to tell. |
| June 25, 2001 10:53 p.m. |
| Well, day 3 of my mid summer break and once again I'm still in Gainesville and doing absolutely nothing. Granted, I HAD plans to be away all week, getting out of this god forsaken state and actually relaxing, maybe even hanging out with my family or seeing friends I haven't seen in a really long time. But noooo. Once again my parents have exerted their usual smothering control over my life. Of course they think that they're doing what's in my best interest and that they know what is best for me all the time. Cuz you know they've had soooo much practice and expereience raising their other kids...oh wait, that's right. I'm an only child. I know that they think that the decisions they make are the right ones, because otherwise they wouldn't make those decisions, but I'm 22 years old now. And despite all the crap I pulled growing up you know, I never got arrested, I didn't pregnant when I was 13 and ask them to raise my 5 kids for me while I was off selling crack and prostituting myself, I didn't try to divorce them or run away to be a hollywood celebrity, I never dated anyone that they openly disapproved of, I didn't run off and ask my other relatives to put me up, I graduated high school and got college mostly entirely paid for, I graduated college in 3 years because they wanted me to, they haven't had to pay for anything for grad school, but despite all this I'm still the stupid little kid that doesn't know what's best for me. All I'm trying to say is that a little respect might be in order. Maybe its time to cut the cord. |
| June 27, 2001 2:28 p.m. |
| Well, got rejection #2 today. This time from Genesis Press. 2 weeks since I sent the novel out, 2 rejections...Only 11 weeks of rejections to go!! I put some of my newer writings up on my site now. Nothing exciting or remotely publishable but I have to say I've done something with my free time this week. Time for coffee and a slim fast. Man, my life just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? But hey at least I have Dawson's Creek to look forward to tonight...Oh jeez louise. |
| June 30, 2001 2:19 a.m. |
| Just pulled rejection # 3 out of the mailbox. This one didn't bother to even type a letter. He just jotted a little note onto the letter I sent him...grrrrr... With the exception of yesterday, this is day #4 of sitting in my apartment all day, sulking, feeling completely depressed, still not speaking to my parents, still not getting published, still in Florida, and I know what you're all thinking.. BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH. :::SIGH::: Breathing, trying to relax... I just..I know that things could be a lot worse. I know that they have been in the past. And I'm sure I seem like I've been acting like a spoiled brat lately, and I'm sure some really expensive drugs would help... I'm just getting very tired of being the only one without good news to share. And I'm really getting tired of being in Florida. I feel so stiffled here. I'm turning into that bitter little 11th grader with no friends and no one to turn to again and I hate it. I hate hating who I am most of all. |