| Quotations and Humor |
| "Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." -Muhammad Ali “True friends stab you in the front." -Oscar Wilde “The real test of friendship is: can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?" -Eugene Kennedy “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same." -Elbert Hubbard “An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." -Buddha "Life is high school" -Mackenzie Astin, in First Years "Love thine enemies...it really pisses them off." -Anon Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. -- Elbert Hubbard |
| “I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." --Dave Barry “It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it." ---Jeseph Joubert I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) “I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me." --Dudley Field Malone It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. -Mark Twain Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. -- Abraham Lincoln Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. -- Margaret Millar It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. -- Mark Twain Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret. -- Laurence J. Peter |
| Oxymorons |
| Resident alien Act naturally Good grief Almost exactly Alone together Plastic silverware Self-help group Original copy Clown |
| Legally drunk "Now, then..." Recorded live Plastic glasses Political science Extra time Holy war Unbiased opinion Cat owner |
| Mistranslations |
| "Please leave your values at the front desk." -In a Paris Hotel Elevator "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." -In a Japanese Hotel "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -In a Rome laundry "Would you like to ride on your own ass?" -Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand |
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