As caregivers we sometimes encounter feelings of negativity, such as resentment, hate, anger or even fear. We might even experience mixed feelings bouncing back and forth from a negative to a positive.Most of us don't like to admit that we can have these feelings which may be provoked by other individuals or situations.

What are some of your negative emotions that you are conscious of?

What are some of the reasons for your negative emotions?

Can you get in touch with some of your feelings of inadequacy, of inferiority and even fear itself, or fear of the unknown?

Many of us are quick to judge or find fault with others. We may focus on the negative conditions while others are able to look at situations in a more positive light. Those who can search for the positives in situations search for options or choices. They don't allow themselves to get stuck.

Are you more negative or more positive most of the time? What percentage of each would you consider yourself to be?

We all have the power to change ourselves. It is only a matter of looking at ourself by examining our attitudes and desires. Then we can make a conscientious choice to help ourselves. Time heals and before we know it we have built new attitudes of love, compassion and understanding. As long as we are aware of our own attitudes and are willing to change what we don't like, change can and will occur.

Many times we might lose patience or become frustrated. Sometimes we want another person to change; possibly the loved one we are caring for. We cannot change anyone but ourselves.

As caregivers we must also learn to remain focused with the bigger picture of the process. We must have patience and we must learn to listen and not to react to what others say all the time. Those we react to may have difficulty in expressing themselves or they might use words that push our buttons. We must not let ourselves be distracted and work towards maintaining peace from within ourselves.

An exercise you can practice is to take a negative attribute and find it's positive aspect. Write it down on a post it note and place it in an area such as the bathroom window, on the phone or in someplace where you are reminded by the new attitude several times throughout the day. When you see it, smile at yourself nurturingly, maybe even laugh, and know that you have chosen to change this attitude and the change is already in action. Try it!!!!

Dogs, cats, fish, birds and other pets have long been incredible companions for their owners. One of their most outstanding characteristics is the unconditional love they offer to us. For any of you who have ever owned a pet, you know the benefits of having these loving beings in your life.

I remember reading stories how cats were put in the Pharaoh's tombs when they were buried to help them journey on into the spiritual realm in safety. In some religions, it is felt that when an owner is ill, the animal actually can take on the illness to help in healing their owner.

The pets that are man’s best friend provide many benefits and they are being credited with providing not only companionship to humans, but health benefits to many as well. The medical establishment and people in general are beginning to recognize and accept the healing impact these animals have on the human being.

Studies have shown that the simple stroking of a pet, such as a dog or cat, can actually lower heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure. Even watching fish in an aquarium creates similar effects. It is both soothing and meditative.

Many animal shelters are beginning to bring animals for visits to nursing homes fostering a healing energy for so many elderly people. It definitely has been successful for while it can help reduce stress, it facilitates more social interaction. It also brings the people in the facility together with a common interest. Many reflect on the own pet companions that may have passed, that they are missing. In reminiscing, they remember happy times. They seem to open up when they are around animals. It is great for children in rehabilitation centers as well. This so called "pet therapy" is being recognized more and more. "Pet therapy" also encourages prior pet owners to share stories, pictures and descriptions of their beloved pets. It is definitely a way to get to know each other more.

The world's love of pets extends to club memberships, pet shows, magazines and a booming industry supporting their grooming, feeding and comfort. People who want to give their pet the best spend millions of dollars each year. Most people treat their pets in their end of life stages no differently then they would a human loved one. They deserve it because these loving pets give us so much in terms of companionship and unconditional love.

I have had several conversations offline with people who did not know what to do with their husband or parent who was near death. The issue was their fear if their loved one was to die at home. The belief that it might be a horrible experience

There appears to be a prevailing consciousness existing amongst many caregivers with regard to their loved one's dying at home. I am not quite sure where this belief or fear originated. Several people offline have contacted me this week regarding their fear and inability to cope with this eminent situation. They wanted their loved one to die in the hospital under the care of their doctor or nurses. The patients themselves, wanted to make their transition in the comfort of their own home.

I discussed this with a professional caregiver as well as the director of a caregiver foundation. It seems that before nursing homes were created, there was no problem with a loved one dying at home. It was something that happened and it was accepted. Somewhere in the belief system of those who were brought up in the depression, this underlying fear of death began to surface. Since many of those from the depression were working at least one job and often two, the advent of the nursing home era came into being. Many died in the nursing home, hospital or some type of facility.

The fear might also stem from the feeling that the caregiver will feel as if he/she could have done more...didn't do enough.... did something wrong, when in fact, it isn't the case at all. Death can't be stopped by humans regardless of how much love goes into the caregiving.

Today, there are over 24 million family caregivers. This figure is old. I am sure it is much larger by now. Millions are faced with the issue of looking at death. What are you feeling about this eminent experience that you are nearing? What are your fears? What is the worst thing that you can imagine?

Many of you can relate to having put an animal down due to illness. The pain and the grief can be awesome, but if you have been with the animal as they took their last breath it was peaceful and you may have even experienced a moment of freedom and relief at their final breath. It doesn't mean that you didn't grieve afterwards, but it wasn't as devastating as you may have imagined.

Many of you may have been with a loved one when they passed over as well. It is quite an awesome experience. For me it was so bittersweet. The joy that my loved ones were finally over their pain and suffering. The freedom and the relief. Yet there was the overwhelming grief as well. The fact that I was holding there hand, loving them, intuitively I knew in my heart and soul, that I was grateful to be with them. Our souls know all that is going on in that very moment. There is something incredibly powerful and beautiful in retrospect that you carry on in your own life. It is a pivotal and meaningful transition that will affect you for the rest of your life.

So, how can you get passed these old beliefs so that you can look forward to lovingly support and embrace this final moment with your loved one? This is your exercise for the week. Be still, get comfortable and begin to breathe in love and light. On each exhale, let go of all the worries, the fears, the doubts and your concerns that are no longer serving you in the moment. As you feel your body begin to maintain an inner peacefulness, allow your thoughts to wonder into what your fears might be. Observe all that comes over through you. Be with the fears, the concerns and see how it feels to you.

Then imagine your loved one as they are taking their final breaths. What can you say to them? If you haven't forgiven them for something, let it go in this very moment. Knowingly, reassure them that they will be safe for others are waiting to guide them on the other side. Most of all reassure them that God, or that source is with them to guide and protect them. Feel how this feels.    BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL

Margaret Massey
Gail Mitchell
Dorothy Womack
Katherine Dorn Zotovich