I HATE YOU

I look in the mirror
And don't like what I see
There is a mask before my eyes
Everyone is staring at me
Like I'm crazy - they don't understand
Their cruel eyes tear at my heart
At my soul
At my strength
Inside I'm crying
Where is someone who can see?
No one
The veil of black falls before my eyes

©Sabrina, 1994

There was this girl
Her name was Christy
She had brown hair and brown eyes
She didn't like herself much
Everyday was the same routine
She went to school
She saw her boy friend
She went to work
She came home and sat around
And dreaded when the phone rang
It was always for her
They always called
They were her friends
Or were they?
Why did she always feel so lost?
No place was "home" anymore
No more love

She was alone

©Sabrina, October 10, 1994

"Look outside, it's raining," he said
his blue eyes tearing into my heart, "love is like the rain."
I stare into the gray sky and look back at him.
He stands but says nothing, and turns his head away
his long brown hair dancing.
My heart cries our to him but he cannot hear.
His mind is sailing a different sea
our ships will never meet.
Once I told him how I felt but he pushed me back
into the cold water.
I gaze at his loveliness and he says,
"I love the rain."
"I love you," I whisper but he doesn't hear.
I reach out to touch him but he moves away before I can.
He should love the rain, he is the rain.
I hear his every word as he slowly talks
about the beauty outside and I melt with love.
His words turn to silence then.
He turns to look at her, but I'm not her
she isn't me.
He smiles but the smile isn't for me.
All he said wasn't for me.
It was for her.
I was trying to make myself believe again.

©Sabrina, October 14, 1994
Dedicated to D.E.A.

Those eyes, that hair
-meant to be

That walk, those clothes
-you're for me

Those lips, that smile
-destiny


©Sabrina, November 21, 1994

I never knew him well
But I knew him enough to know
He had a sort of streak inside
That led him far below

His mind was set to wander
He never really had a chance
The road he traveled was too far
His life was led in a trance

I still remember his smile
And how his hair flew in his eyes
Never again will I see that face
This 15 year old boy has died

©Sabrina, November 7, 1994
Dedicated to Jeremy Michael Miller, "Messy"
(April 17, 1979 - November 5, 1994)
-You will always live in my heart Jeremy.-

No one understands me
I'm my own girl
Living in my own world
With my own style
And own beliefs
You want me to see
The world through your eyes
But through your eyes I can't see
I'm blind to your thoughts
I'm blind to your beliefs
And to tell you the truth
I don't really want
To put on your glasses
Just so I can see the world
The way you want me to

©Sabrina, August 21, 1994
Dedicated to J.T.L.

I was drifting
In a time of confusion
Where the thought of alone
Was starting to sound good
Then out of the night
Came a bright shining star
Whose beauty was so deep
It made me see again
So the paleness in the moon
Dimmed for a moment
The changes were gone
And a new world began
Through that brilliant star
I found a new way
That led me to wander
To a place far beyond
Still at times in the night
I sometimes get lost
So I look up in the sky
And let my star lead the way

©Sabrina, November 28, 1994
Dedicated to R.S.H.