Clyde Bruckman's Final
Repose

FBI agent #1: Is it true we asked for some help on this 
              case?
FBI agent #2: I heard he was a bit... unorthodox.
FBI agent #1: He comes highly recommended!
FBI agent #2: I saw him on TV.
FBI agent #1: So he's a publicity hound.
FBI agent #3: I worked on a case with him once. Very 
              *spooky.*
FBI agent #1: As long as he gets leads, I don't care how 
              big a kook...
(Mulder enters, stands in doorway, hands on hips)

(The Stupendous Yappi has ordered Mulder out of the 
room.)
FBI agent #1: Agent Mulder, please.
Scully: I can't take you anywhere...

Yappi (to Mulder): Skeptics like you make me seeck!
Mulder: Mr. Yappi--read this thought.
(Yappi gets very shocked look on his face)
Yappi: So's your old man!

(Mulder reenters the room after Yappi departs.)
Scully: It's too bad about your negative energy, Mulder. 
        You missed quite a performance.

FBI agent #1: Now, if you don't mind, I have to get an 
              APB out... on a white male, 17-34, with or 
              without a beard, maybe a tattoo, who is 
              impotent. Let's go.
Scully: We might as well go home, Mulder. This case is as 
        good as solved.

FBI Agent #1: It's amazing, isn't it? Yappi's prediction 
              said the victim's body had been dumped 
              somewhere and we find it in a dumpster.
Mulder: Ooohh! I just got a *chill* down my spine.

Scully: Then how did you know the eyes had been cut out?
Clyde: They had been, hadn't they?
(Scully nods.)
Clyde: Then what are you complaining about?

(Clyde is looking at Mulder's badge.)
Clyde: You expect me to believe that's a real name?

(Clyde has a vision about the murder in front of Mulder 
and Scully.)
Mulder: Pinch me.

Mulder: I don't know, Scully. But something's telling me 
        this guy's for real.
Scully: So now *you're* psychic?

(Scully expresses skepticism about Clyde's vision and 
Mulder gives her a look.)
Scully: Sorry. I didn't mean to give off any *negative 
        energy*.

Mulder: But you do admit to having this gift?
Clyde: Oh, I got it alright. The problem is it's non-
       returnable.

(Clyde is handling a brass planter and picking up 
information from it.)
Mulder: Do you receive any other impressions from it?
Clyde: It's ugly. Next!

(Hours later, Clyde is still guessing about various 
objects. Mulder's head is down on the table when Scully 
knocks on he door.)
Scully (to Clyde): Try reading this.
Mulder: Save me the headache, Scully. What is it?

Clyde: You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't 
       think of a more undignified one than 
       autoerotic asphixiation.
Mulder: Why are you telling *me* that?
Clyde: Forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.

Mulder: But if the future is already written, then why 
        bother to do anything?
CB: Now you're catching on.

(Clyde has described how he got his power.)
Scully: I'm not one to readily believe in that kind of 
        thing and if I was, I still wouldn't believe 
        *that* story.
Clyde: I swear to God it's true. I was a bigger fan of the 
       Big Bopper than Buddy Holly.

(Clyde is describing the killer's vision of murdering 
Mulder.)
Clyde: The killer comes up to you and....coconut creme!

Clyde: This came in the mail today.
Scully: Who's it from?
(Clyde lifts envelope to his forehead, closes his eyes, 
and pronounces:)
CB: Theeeee killah!

Mulder (reading letter): Sincerely, you know who. P.S. 
Say hi to the FBI agents.
Clyde: Hi.

Scully: Chantilly lace?
Mulder: You *know* what I like!

Mulder: If coincidences are just coincidences, then why do 
they feel so contrived?
Scully: That's one to pose to the psychic philosopher. 
        G'night, Mulder.

(Clyde finishes describing his horrific, graphic dream 
about decomposing.)
Clyde: Then I wake up. Well, Good night!

(Clyde and the killer come face to face in Clyde's hotel 
room and realize each other's identity; killer picks up 
knife and approaches Clyde.)
Clyde: Was that not enough of a tip?

(Discussing the killer's actions.)
Killer: Why do I do them?
Clyde: Don't you understand, kid? Don't you get it? You do 
       the things you do because you're a homicidal 
       maniac.
Killer: Of course! It's all starting to make sense now...

FBI agent #1: Yeah, this is more like it. No more psychics 
              and their vague visions and predictions. 
              This case is now just about good old 
              fashioned forensic police work.
Scully: It's the bellhop at the hotel. He's the killer.
        The bellhop at the hotel!
(Scully rushes out of the room)
FBI agent #1: How'd she know that?
Mulder: Women's intuition.

Mulder: Ok, I'm looking down at this banana cream pie and 
        then what?

Scully: Mr. Bruckman, there are hits and there are misses. 
        And then there are MISSES.