Small Potatoes

Mulder: I was just here. Where did I go?

Scully: What do you mean, like really talk? No, no we 
        don't Mulder. 
(Eddie Van Blundht posing as Mulder): Well, what's stopping 
                                      us? 
(Scully doesn't have an answer.)

Mulder: Take your best shot Scully, but I think there's 
        more going on here than Luke Skywalker and his 
        lightsaber.

Mulder: How would this happen?
Scully: Birds and the bees and the monkey babies, Mulder.
Mulder: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated MDs do it. 
        All five women shared the same OBGYN didn't they?
Scully: Well, yeah. He's the only one in town.

Mulder: So much for not putting all your eggs in one basket.

Fred: Baboo, look, just let me do the talking, okay? I'll 
      handle it.
Baboo: Just tell him we're gonna sue.
Fred: (To M and S who are arriving) Ah, you too huh?

Mulder: Oh, so you're saying there was romance involved.
Van Blundht: Why is that so hard to believe? Just cause I 
             was born with a tail no woman would want me? 
             Maybe I got personality. Ever think of that? 

Mulder: Have a theory, if you want to hear it.
Scully: Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into 
        his captor then walked out the door leaving none 
        the wiser?
Mulder: Scully, should we be picking out china patterns 
        or what?!?
Scully: Mulder, why can't you just go for the simple answer? 
        With that blow to the head, the deputy might just as 
        well identified McGruff the crime dog as his 
        attacker.

Mulder: Hey Scully. If you could be somebody else for a day 
        who would it be?
Scully: Hopefully myself.
Mulder: That's so... boring.

(Eddie posing as Mulder): Good night! This is where my 
                          tax dollars go? Where do I live?

(on Mulder's answering machine...)
Langly: Mulder, Langly. You gotta see this! An online 
        associate of ours who shall remain anonymous has 
        figured out a way to digitize the Zapruder footage so 
        he can extrapolate a bird's eye view of the Dealy 
        Plaza at the exact moment of the assassination. 
        And you'll never believe where the third shot came 
        from!
Frohike: Tell him about the cheesesteaks!
Langly: Oh, yeah, and Frohike, Byers and I are goin' out 
        for cheese-steaks. Are you down with that? Uh, erase 
        this once you hear it.

Scully: Well, I'm seeing a whole new side to you, Mulder.
(Eddie posing as Mulder): Is that a good thing?
Scully: I like it.

Mulder: What's with the hat?
Van Blundht: My court appointed therapist makes me wear it. 
             She says it's meant to bolster my self-esteem.
Mulder: Does it?
Van Blundht: Not really. The other inmates just beat me up 
             and take it from me, which would be okay except
             every week she brings me a new HAT! Plus they 
             keep me on some kind of muscle relaxant so
             I... I can't make faces the way I used to. Did 
             you tell them to do that? Is uh, is Agent 
             SCULLY here???
Mulder: What did you want to talk to me about, Eddie?
Van Blundht: I just think it's funny. I was born a loser 
             but you're one by choice.
Mulder: On what do you base that astute assessment?
Van Blundht: Experience. You should live a little. 
             Treat yourself. God knows I would, if I were 
             you.

Scully: Mulder, I don't imagine you need to be told this, 
        but you're not a loser.
Mulder: Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundht either, am I?