It is not true that life is one damn thing after another...It's one damn thing over and over.
~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

VAMPIRE BATS
Taken from the Daily Humor List
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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I sure didn't!"

TRUISIMS
- submitted by Paula (Godiva)
Copyright 1997 JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com / TWT. All Rights reserved
To get a joke everyday, E-mail us at mailto:Subscribe@joke-of-the-day.com.

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

COMPUTER JARGON

Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you and will help you to get over your fear of technical terminology.

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

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