Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Mark Twain

STRANGE
- submitted by Rob Paxaio
Copyright 1997 JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com / TWT. All Rights reserved
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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone,

"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

THE GOLFING PREACHER
Copyright 1997 JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com / TWT. All Rights reserved
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There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away (For those unaccustomed to golf, this is the world's most exciting thing to a golfer - like winning the Worlds Cup by yourself) A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.

The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."

The Lord smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"

THE GENIE

A gentleman is sitting on a deserted beach watching the sunset when he notices something half buried in the sand. He pulls it out and sees that it is a heavy, jewel encrusted bottle. As he brushes off the sand, the bottle begins to shake and emit various colored clouds of smoke, then...POOF! A Genie appears from out of the bottle (how did we know?).

The Genie laveshes praise on the man, regails him with his story, and finally gets around to the 'you have three wishes' part of the tale.

So the guy thinks about it for awhile and says "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly and afraid to go on a boat, so for my first wish I want a highway from here to Hawaii".

The Genie at first is amazed at the character of the man and ask instead if he would not want "all the money...fame...glory...vast amounts of property...yadda yadda. Nope, wish one is for the highway.

The Genie tells him that doing something like that borders almost on the impossible. The time, resources, and energy required to fullfill such a wish would most likely leave the Genie drained for thousands of years...is there something else, anything - even wishing for more wishes - that he might want?

The man again pauses and thinks for awhile then says "Well, I have always wanted to understand women"

The Genie replys, "So this highway, did you want two lanes or four"?

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