THE REST –    January 13 & 14
  

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.  Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir.  The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.

    "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.   "If you don't, I'm going to resign.  The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."

    So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."

    "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.

    "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."

    "That's nothing," the man snorted.  "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

The first grader came up to the playground teacher crying and crying "Teacher, Teacher, Johnny just called me the 'E' word!"  As the teacher began to run through his list of naughty words in his mind he couldn't seem to come up with it.  So, he asked, "Uh, Michelle, what's the "E" word?"  

"Ediot" she exclaimed! 

Oh, Michelle, It's OK.  Now, just go on to spelling class."

From Bill's Punch Line

Two men were painting a barn, one on a ladder and the other on the ground.

"Quack, quack,gobble, gobble!"  yelled the one on the ladder as he spilled a can of paint. 

"What does that mean?"  asked the other, now drenched with paint.

"Duck, turkey!"  he replied." 

From Bill's Punch Line

From: "Just 4 Laughs" <Just4Laughs@USA.Net>

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her  mother, "Mommy, today in school I was reprimanded for something that I didn't do."  The mother exclaimed, "Well,  that doesn't sound fair!  What didn't you do?"   The little girl replied, "My homework."                

"IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT"
    
               Buying paint from a hardware store...

Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18.  How many gallons would you like?

Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.

Clerk: Great. that will be $60 plus tax.
    
               Buying paint from an airline...

Customer: Hi, How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, Sir that all depends.

Customer: Depends on what?

Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.

Customer: How about giving me an average price?

Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question.  The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to  $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, First I need to ask you a few questions.   When do you intend to use it?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint.
 
Customer: What? when would I have to paint in order to  get $9 paint?

Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here.  Of course, I'll  have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.

Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell  it to me?  You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it  right there.

Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we  have it.  It may be the same paint, but we sell only a  certain number of gallons on any given weekend.   Oh, and by  the way, the price just went up to $12.

Customer: You mean the price went up while we were  talking?

Clerk: Yes sir.  You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually  walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided  to change.  Unless you want the same thing to happen again,  I would suggest you get on with your purchase.  How many  gallons do you want?

Customer: I don't know exactly.  Maybe five gallons.  Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.

Clerk: Oh, no sir, you can't do that.  If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for      penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already  have.
 
Customer: What?
 
Clerk: That's right.  We can sell you enough paint to  do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if  you stop painting before you do the other bedroom, you will  be in violation of our tariffs.

Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use  all of the paint?  I already paid you for it!

Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's  just the way it is.  We make plans based upon the idea that  you will use all of the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible  will happen if I don't keep painting until Sunday night?

Clerk: Yes sir, it will.

Customer: Well, that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy paint!
 
Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir.  We all have  the same rules.  You might as well just buy it here, while  the price is now  $13.50.  Thanks for flying - I mean painting - with our airline.

Have A Great Day