For the Birds

Fast Flying

How fast does a hummingbird fly?

Hummingbirds fly at speeds of up to 71 miles per hour. Small species of the hummingbirds may beat their wings 50 to 80 times each second. During courtship displays the hummingbird may beat their wings at even faster rates.

The Peregrine Falcon is the fastest animal on earth. Many people mistakenly claim that the Cheetah is the fastest animal. The cheetah is the fastest land animal, and the fastest mammal. The cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 45 mph in 2 seconds. It can run at 70 mph for short distances and can run at an average speed of 40 mph. Humans can run at a top speed of 27.9 mph. The Peregrine Falcon is by far and above the fastest animal. It can fly at 217 miles per hour. Even flying upward it can fly at the amazing speed of 168 miles per hour.

How fast do some other birds fly?

Peregrine falcon 168-217 mph
Swift 105.6 mph
Mallard 40.6 mph
Albatross 33.6 mph
Carrion Crow 31.3 mph
House Sparrow 17.9 - 31.3 mph
Woodcock 5 mph

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

 

 

ONE FINE PIG

I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolinas, so that we could see what
``real life'' was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.

Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once, when I discovered this pig...

It was a nice pig, as pigs go. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so
I asked the farmer:

"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?"

"Well, boy. That there is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in
and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive."

"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"

"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids."

"Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?"

"I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!"

"Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

"Boy, a pig like that, you don't eat all in one sitting!"

 

Frow Whitey

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A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

From rec.humor.funny | (Frederick Wamsley)

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Top 10 Signs that you're Just Too Stressed

10. You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.

9. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

8. The Sun is too loud.

7. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

6. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

5. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

4. Things becomes "Very Clear"

3. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.

2. You and Reality file for divorce.

1. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before...

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Before & After Children

Before children: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.
After Children: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes
--which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.
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Before children: I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
After children: I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.
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Before children: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
After children: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.
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Before children: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.

After children: I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.
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Before children: I was thankful for holistic medicince and natural herbs.

After children: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.
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Before children: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
After children: I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhouse and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.
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Before children: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.
After children: I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.
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Before children: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
After children: I am thankful for the butterball turkey hotline.
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Before children: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.
After children: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.
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Before children: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
After children: I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.
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Before children: I was thankful for my wonderful family
After children: I am thankful for my wonderful family.

from AdamsCathy@aol.com

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Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on  a diet.  "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds."

When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds.  "Why, that's amazing!," the doctor said.  "Did you follow my instructions?" 

Mr. Smith nodded.  "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day." 

"From hunger, you mean?" 

"No, from skipping!" .

Time to Smile ZONDERVAN PUBLISHING HOUSE E-MAIL ALERT SERVICE

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

The Baby philosophy — if it stinks, change it.

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~ Hurring Away ~

It is said that Dr. Mortimer Adler suddenly left a discussion group at a tea quite disgusted, slamming the door after him. One person trying to relieve the tension, remarked, "Well, he's gone." To this the hostess replied, "No, he isn't. That's a closet!" We share the same plight when we attempt to rush from God's presence. We are confined to ourselves.

— Myron S. Augsburger, When Reason Fails. Christianity Today, Vol. 30, no. 9.