ALL THE REST —  November 20
  

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Just Mean

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks about ways to discourage this profit eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads "WARNING; ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE! The farmer returns in one week to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads "NOW THERE ARE TWO!".

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But, I meant!

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. They found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept."!

 

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In Style

 

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Shoot, this one doesn't have any shoes either!""

 

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MODERN MEDICINE

Two men were working together at the sawmill when one of them accidentally sawed his arm off. Quickly thinking his friend took the arm, put it in a plastic bag and rushed them to hospital.

The following day he visited the hospital to find his friend playing tennis.

"The wonders of modern science."

Later that month, back at work while chatting away a lapse in concentration resulted in the same careless bloke sawing his leg off.

Knowing the drill his friend took the leg, put it into a plastic bag and off they all went to hospital.

The next visiting time he found his friend playing football.

"The wonders of modern science."

A week later back at work, the idiot leaned forward just a little too far and sawed off his head. Straight away his friend took the head, put it in a plastic bag and rushed them all off to hospital.

The next day the friend visited to find no sign of his chum.

"Where's my mate" he asked the orderly.

"Well," said the orderly, "we probably could have saved him but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University