Originally compiled by an unknown author.
Embarrassment Received a letter just the other day, Don't seem they wanna know you no more, They've laid it down given you their score, Within the first two lines it bluntly read. You're not to come and see us no more, Keep away from our door, Don't come 'round here no more What on earth did you do that for? Our aunt, she don't wanna know she says, What will the neighbours think they'll think, We don't that's what they'll think, we don't, But I will, 'cause I know they think I don't. Our uncle he don't wanna know he says, We are a disgrace to the human race he says, How can you show your face, When you're a disgrace to the human race? No committment, you're an embarrassment, Yes, an embarrassment, a living endorsement, The intention that you have booked, Was an intention that was overlooked. They say, stay away, Don't want you home today, Keep away from our door, Don't come 'round here no more. Our dad, he don't wanna know he says, This is a serious matter, Too late to reconsider, No one's gonna wanna know ya ! Our mum, she don't wanna know, I'm feelin' twice as old, she says, Thought she had a head on her shoulder, 'Cause I'm feelin' twice as older, I'm feelin' twice as older. You're an embarrassment... Shut Up I tell you I didn't do it 'Cause I wasn't there Don't blame me, it just isn't fair You listen to their side Now listen to mine Can't think of a story Sure you'll find me sometime Now pass the blame and don't blame me Just close your eyes and count to three (One two three) Then I'll be gone and you'll forget The broken window, t.v. set It wasn't me either, I'm just his mate He told me to stand here and watch the gate I've got a wife and three kids you know They'll tell you I'm straight, at least I think so I'm as honest as the day is long, The longer the daylight, the less I do wrong Now pass the blame and don't blame me Just close your eyes and count to three (One two three) Then I'll be gone and you'll forget The broken window, t.v. set Pass the blame and don't blame me Just close your eyes and count to three (One two three) Then I'll be gone and I'll forget That what you give is what you get... Pass the blame and don't blame me Just close your eyes and count to three (One two three) Then I'll be gone and you'll forget The broken window, t.v. set Pass the blame and don't blame me Just close your eyes and count to three (One two three) Then I'll be gone and I'll forget That what you give is what you get... My Girl My girl's mad at me I didn't wanna see the film tonight I found it hard to say She thought I'd had enough of her Why can't she see She's lovely to me? But I like to stay in And watch t.v. on my own Every now and then My girl's mad at me Been on the telephone for an hour We hardly said a word I tried and tried but I could not be heard Why can't I explain? Why do I feel this pain? 'Cause everything I say She doesn't understand She doesn't realise She takes it all the wrong way My girl's mad at me We argued just the other night I thought we'd got it straight We talked and talked until it was light I thought we'd agreed I thought we'd talked it out Now when I try to speak She says that I don't care She says I'm unaware And now she says I'm weak Baggy Trousers Naughty boys in nasty schools Headmasters breaking all the rules Having fun and playing fools Smashing up the woodwork tools All the teachers in the pub Passing 'round the ready-rub Trying not to think of when The lunch-time bell will ring again. Oh what fun we had But, did it really turn out bad All I learnt at school Was how to bend not break the rules Oh what fun we had But at the time it seemed so bad Trying different ways To make a difference to the days. Headmaster's had enough to-day All the kids have gone away Gone to fight with next-door's school Every term, that is the rule Sits alone and bends his cane Same old backsides again All the small ones tell tall tales Walking home and squashing snails. Oh what fun we had But, did it really turn out bad All I learnt at school Was how to bend not break the rules Oh what fun we had But at the time it seemed so bad Trying different ways To make a difference to the days. Lots of girls and lots of boys Lots of smells and lots of noise Playing football in the park Kicking Pushbikes after dark Baggy trousers, dirty shirt Pulling hair and eating dirt Teacher comes to break it up Back of the 'ead with a plastic cup. Oh what fun we had But, did it really turn out bad All I learnt at school Was how to bend not break the rules Oh what fun we had But at the time it seemed so bad Trying different ways To make a difference to the days. Baggy trousers, baggy trousers, baggy trousers Baggy trousers, baggy trousers, baggy trousers It Must Be Love I never thought I'd miss you Half as much as I do And I never thought I'd feel this way The way I feel About you As soon as I wake up Every night, every day I know that it's you I need To take the blues away It must be love, love, love It must be love, love, love Nothing more, nothing less Love is the best How can it be that we can Say so much without words? Bless you and bless me Bless the bees And the birds I've got to be near you Every night, every day I couldn't be happy Any other way It must be love, love, love It must be love, love, love Nothing more, nothing less Love is the best As soon as I wake up Every night, every day I know that it's you I need To take the blues away It must be love, love, love It must be love, love, love Nothing more, nothing less Love is the best It must be love, love, love... The Prince Buster, he sold the heat With a rock-steady beat An earthquake is erupting But not in Orange street A ghost-dance is preparing You got to help us with your feet If you're not in the mood to dance Step back, grab yourself a seat This may not be uptown Jamaica But we promise you a treat Buster bowl me over with your bogus dance Shuffle me off my feet Even though I'll keep on runnin' I'll never get to Orange street So I set it up myself to say For the man who set the beat So I'll leave it up to you out there To get him back on his feet Buster bowl me over with your bogus dance Shuffle me off my feet Even though I'll keep on runnin' I'll never get to Orange street Bring back the Who is the We want the Bring back the Prince...aahh! Bed and Breakfast Man Well there's a man I know At least I used to years ago I didn't really mind He used to come 'round all the time Of course he had to be fed I had to give him a bed He used to kip on my sofa They used to call him a loafer I've heard he's changed A lot since then But some of his ways He just can't mend Told the other day That he'd offered to pay He didn't like his dad He earned all he ever had He didn't have no shame He was a master at his game He never showed his hand He was the bed and breakfast man He was, he was the bed and breakfast man... Night Boat to Cairo It's just gone noon Half past monsoon On the banks of the river Nile Here comes the boat Only half-afloat Oarsman grins a toothless smile Only just one more To this desolate shore Last boat along the river Nile Doesn't seem to care No more wind in his hair As he reaches his last half mile The oar snaps in his hand Before he reaches dry land But the sound doesn't deafen his smile Just pokes at wet sand With an oar in his hand Floats off down the river Nile Floats off down the river Nile (All aboard, night boat to Cairo!) (Night boat to Cairo!) House of Fun Good morning miss Can I help you son? Sixteen today And up for fun I'm a big boy now Or so they say So if you'll serve I'll be on my way Box of balloons With the feather-light touch Pack of party-poppers That pop in the night A toothbrush and hairspray Plastic grin Miss Clay on all corners Has just walked in Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age Welcome to the House of Fun Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on his way Welcome to the House of N-n-n-n-n-n-no no miss You misunderstood Sixteen big boy Full pint in my manhood I'm up to date And the date's today So if you'll serve I'll be on my way Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on his way Welcome to the House of (Fun) I'm sorry son But we don't stock Party gimmicks In this shop Try the House of Fun It's quicker if you run This is a chemist's Not a joke shop! Party hats Simple enough clear Comprehende savvy understand Do you hear? A pack of party hats With the coloured tips Too late! Gorgon heard gossip Well hello Joe, hello Miss Clay Many happy returns from the day Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age Welcome to the House of Fun Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on his way Welcome to the House of Fun Welcome to the House of Fun... One Step Beyond (Hey you, don't watch that, Watch this! This is the heavy heavy monster sound The nuttiest sound around So if you've come in off the street And you're beginning to feel the heat Well listen buster You better start to move your feet To the rockin'est, rock-steady beat Of Madness One step beyond!) (One step beyond!) (One step beyond!) Cardiac Arrest Papers in the morning Bowler hat on head Walking to the bus stop He's longing for his bed, Waiting with his neighbours In the rush hour queue Got to get the first bus So much for him to do. He's got to hurry Got to get his seat Can't miss his place Got to rest his feet. Ten more minutes till he gets there The crossword's nearly done. It's been so hard these days Not nearly so much fun. His mind wanders to the office His telephone, desk and chair He's been happy with the company They've treated him real fair. Think of seven letters Begin and end in 'C' Like a big American car But misspelt with a 'D'. I wish this bus'd get a move on, Driver's taking his time. I just don't know, I'll be late Oh dear what will the boss say? Pull yourself together now Don't get in a state Don't you worry There's no hurry It's a lovely day Could all be going your way Take the doc's advice Let up enjoy your life Listen to what they say It's not a game they play. Never get there at this rate He's caught up in a jam. There's a meeting this morning It's just his luck oh damn! His hand dives in his pocket For his handkerchief. Pearls of sweat on his collar His pulse-beat seems so brief. Eyes fall on his wristwatch The seconds pass real slow Gasping for the hot air But the chest pain it won't go. Tried to ask for help But can't seem to speak a word, Words are whispered frantically But don't seem to be heard. What about the wife and kids? They all depend on me! We're so sorry We told you not to hurry. Now it's just too late You've got a certain date We thought we made it clear We all voiced our inner fears We left it up to you There's nothing we can do. Grey Day When I get home it's late at night, I'm black and bloody from my life, I haven't time to clean my hands, Cuts will only sting me through my dreams. It's well past midnight as I lie In a semi-conscious state. I dream of people fighting me Without any reason I can see. In the morning I awake, My arms my legs my body aches, The sky outside is wet and grey So begins another weary day. So begins another weary day. After eating I go out, People passing by me shout. I can't stand this agony Why don't they talk to me? In the park I have to rest I lie down and I do my best, The rain is falling on my face I wish I could sink without a trace. In the morning I awake, My arms my legs my body aches, The sky outside is wet and grey, So begins another weary day. So begins another weary day. In the park I have to rest I lie down and I do my best, The rain is falling on my face I wish I could sink without a trace. In the morning I awake, My arms my legs my body aches, The sky outside is wet and grey, So begins another weary day. So begins another weary day. Take It or Leave It How come he enjoys himself not me? (I don't know) How come she smiles a good morning to me? How do they make a hard day's work easy? Tell me something I'll put it to the test Take hold of yourself and you will see How lucky we are to be free, Now you take for granted, Life and country. How come he jokes with friends but not me? How can she sing out of tune not me? How do they find time for kids on Sunday? I can't express uncalled for agress, You're in one-way traffic can't you see? Before a head-on crash steer free, When if it's too late, Don't come and cry to me. How come they get on with but not me? How can they walk arm-in-arm happily? How does that old boy dance down the street? Tell me something I'll put it to the test, Take hold of yourself and you will see, How lucky we are to be free, Now you take for granted, Life and country. How come we never get on you and me? How can we find out the remedy? How does that old lady's home look neat? How does that old lady's home look neat? How does that old lady's home look neat? In the City (City, city!) (City!) He is just a boy in the city Dressed the same he's uniformly pretty He knows it's the time He can read the signs He can really change In the city The best dressed boy in town he thinks it's funny Half a dozen jobs makes his money He is just a boy in the city Friday night propels Walter Mitty It's about time He can read the signs A night on the town In the city Monday is a work day Tuesday's much the same Wednesday comes and goes away Thursday's back again Friday night is Sunday in the morning Monday brings the weekend's final yawning Now it's about time He has crossed the line He is miles away In the city (City!) (City!) (City!) (City!) Now it's about time He can read the signs He can really change It is on his mind He has crossed the line He has gone once more From the city Madness Madness, madness, they call it madness Madness, madness, they call it madness It's plain to see That is what they mean to me Madness, madness, they call it gladness, ha-ha Madness, madness, they call it madness Madness, madness, they call it madness I'm about to explain a-That someone is losing their brain Hey, madness, madness, I call it gladness, yee-ha-ha-ha Propaganda ministers Propaganda ministers I've a-got a heavy due I'm gonna walk all over you 'Cause Madness, madness, they call it madness Well if this is madness Then I know I'm filled with gladness It's gonna be rougher It's gonna be tougher, pa-da-da, pa-da-da And I won't be the one who's gonna suffer Oh no, I won't be the one who's gonna suffer You are gonna be the one, a-you... The Return of the Los Palmas 7 [instrumental]