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THE
AZWIPE AWARD To the WORST of SDSU's crappus newspaper and the people who make it possible. Graphics by Victor Hernandez. |
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MONTEZUMA'S REAR-END: The coveted statue (judging from all the crap printed so far) is awarded to those whose work belongs at the bottom, who have added yet another crack to their newspaper's credibility, and who, therefore, deserve to be the butt of this joke. It is glow in the dark and scratch and sniff, providing the recipients with the same smell their work provides us.
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THE NOMINEES FOR THE WEEK OF OCTOBER 19-25, 1998 ARE:
WHOEVER KEEPS ON WASTING SPACE WITH THAT ASININE "VOICE BOX."
Half a page fully wasted with something that could have fitted in a short few lines and no more than a 6th of the page. We wonder if whoever came with that "If you had the power to appoint anyone to the presidency of the united states, who would it be and why?" question (see October 19, 1998 issue) fully realizes the extent of the stupidity of it. You mean people do NOT have the power to appoint the person of their choice to the presidency? Gee, all that talk about democracy and voting suddenly sounds so hypocritical...
DAVID HANNA
For making another dumbass question and then passing it as an actual column. In the October 21, 1998, Dave asked the following: "Are athletes today really professional?" Well, DUH. What do you think? That getting paid millions for chasing some plastic ball is really a PROFESSION? Sheesh! It would be much more interesting to ask "Are student journalists today really professional?"
Yes, we know. Sports writers get Montezuma's Rear-end by default, but since the only thing this so-called campus newspaper seems to be about nowadays is sports, well, what choice do we have?
WHOEVER IS WRITING, AND PLACING, THOSE DUMBASS FILLERS ALL OVER THE AZTEC
Really. I mean, and specially when you consider the fact that the Aztec has so much EMPTY FUCKING SPACE that the fillers really get on your nerves. Yeah, just what we needed; a big rectangle with "Yo mama would read the Daily Aztec," "Look ma we're on the web," and "Mickey, the daily aztec is money and the beautiful babies love it." Apparently the Gary Coleman fillers were becoming too "heady" for them.
THE DAILY AZTEC CITY DESK
For actually using newspaper space to ask if people have seen ghosts or somebody levitating (see October 22, 1998 issue.) Oh yeah, just what we needed in addition to sports overkill: Tabloid news. See? Dana IS hoping for that job at the Enquirer.
M. NAJAF ALIKHAN
For writing one of the dumbest things ever printed on the opinion page (see October 22, 1998 issue): "Sports is the one thing left in this world that doesn't discriminate and does not segregate." Oh really.... As in "you throw like a girl!"? or as in "We don't care if we don't win the world coup: we beated England!" Obviously Mr. Alikhan must be under the impression that non-discrimination and alienation are one and the same.
AND THE WINNER IS:
A TIE! A historical landmark! Not only there's a tie for the AZWIPE award, but it is shared by two women:LAUREN FANCHER and KATE NELSON
Lauren Fancher:
For proving that a woman can be just as big an imbecile as a man when she applies herself. Laueren, here, wasted half a page just to tell us how she and her friend got shit-faced and then went on to bitch and moan about L.A.'s smog. Ah, right, that's what we needed: more glamourizing of alcohol consumption. Yeah! Just the correct person to bitch about pollution. Next time she might as well just take her top off and put THAT in place of her idiotic valley-girl talk. Boob imagery, do believe me, is much less polluting than a boob ranting.
(The most interesting part, of course, comes when you consider the fact that, in the same edition of the Aztec, there's this ad, aimed at SDSU students, saying that you're better off having just 4 drinks. Do you see the stupidity in all this?)
Kate Nelson:
For turning the Aztec into a sports tabloid with some incidental, semi-relevant campus news. Throughout the week the only thing that the Aztec seemed to have in quantities was sports. Even the quotes from the opinion page came from some baseball player. With the exception of Monday, October 19, 1998, there was not a day without a sports-related opinion column (although that doesn't really matter if you consider the fact that on that same Monday edition there were 3 pages of sports, not counting the full THIRD of the front page on sports, vs 1 page of actual news.)
Wow! What a groundbreaking example of journalism! No wonder the Pulitzer exists! GIMME A FUCKING BREAK! No wonder nobody wants to write for the Aztec anymore.
Yet, Katie, here, did have one brief moment of lucidity when she allowed the publication of the ONLY relevant piece of news so far this semester to be printed on the October 21, 1998 issue. You don't remember it? Probably because it was buried between some fraternity crap and some ads. But it went like this: "Writers wanted. The Daily Aztec city desk is currently hiring writers for the Fall 1998 semester."
Because of Katie's love for irrelevancy (read "sports"), and because of Lauren's taste for imbecility, both women can now proudly boast being the AZWIPE of the week. They have certainly earned it.
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