I was divorced in 1984. At that time, the courts tended to rule in favor of the mother in custody disputes unless evidence could be presented proving that awarding custody to the mother wpuld be detrimental to the child's welfare.I had no such evidence at the time, and decided it was pointless to fight her for custody of Anthony.

However, since I knew she would be moving to another state to be closer to her family and I could not stop her from doing so, I insisted that she agree to a very liberal visitation arrangement. My goal was to try to maintain a continuous, albeit long distance, relationship with Anthony. The agreement included provisions for frequent telephone contact as well as extended periods of visitation when he was not in school. She also agreed to allow visitation with Anthony if I was ever in his home state.I could just drop in if I wished.This agreement was merged with our divorce decree and made into an order of court.

After moving, she almost immediately began to interfere with the telephone contact I had established with Anthony. Either he was not there, or I would have to call at a time when she knew I was working, or he was busy, or something. The following summer she refused to allow him to come to my home to visit. I did talk to her once on the telephone, demanding an explanation, and she told me that our agreement was only a piece of paper and didn't mean anything! It was at that time that I consulted an attorney.

I learned from the attorney that there was a problem with jurisdiction. You see, in my state the court is obligated to accept jurisdiction over its own order for only six months after the order is entered, for purposes of enforcement. After that, the court is not obligated to enforce the order against a person who lives in another jurisdiction unless compelling evidence could be presented to force it to do so. "Compelling", of course, is not defined. Not believing my ears, I went to the local library. A little legal research confirmed that this is the law.

Nevertheless, I filed a motion to enforce the visitation order, hoping that notification of pending legal action would force her into compliance. It worked. During my first conversation with Anthony, then age 6, he begged me not to come and kidnap him and put his mother in jail. Apparently, she intended to use him as a weapon against me. I did not want to put a young boy through the trauma and fear of a prolonged court fight and, realizing that that court probably would not enforce the visitation order anyway, after much soul searching I decided not to pursue further legal action.Better for him to grow up without me than to grow up in fear. Instead, I contacted relatives, social service agencies, and anyone else I could think of and gave them my address and telephone number, in the hopes that Anthony would know how to contact me. The result has been some limited telephone contact over the years, as well as an occasional report on how he is doing. At least I know that he is aware of my existence, and hope that he will contact me. I promised myself that I would do anything I could to make him aware of my presence. These pages are the result.In addition, I have hounded lawmakers and even done a short TV spot in attempt to generate public awareness of the problem. Maybe this will work better, I don't know.So, Anthony, if by chance you read this, go to my petition page, look up my e-mail address, and send a note! Love to hear from you!

Return To Anthony's Home Page

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page