Big Fuckin Skull


	Biographies


	Name: Captain BoredOutLeftEyeSocket Skills: Guitar, piracy, rape, pillaging, swordplay, sharkwrestling, navigation Distinguishing features: Eternally bleeding hole where his left eye was bored out; six fingers on left hand; square jaw Age: 598 Birthplace: Avon on Trent, Great Britain Death: Never really died, just kind of rotted away Known Weaknesses: None

In 1515, young British noble Walter B. Willison bludgeoned his family to death with the bones of the dead family dog. They tried to try him, but he was just too young and crazy so they sent him off on a ship of crazy people that was bound for the western edge of the world. Disease and scurvy ran rampant on the vessel, and since there was no food to eat many of the insane prisoners turned to cannibalism to survive. But not Willison; he turned to the Devil and offered his soul in exchange for revenge upon all of the world. The Devil agreed and made him captain of the doomed ship of maniacal crazy lunatics. With ship and station forever thus secured, Captain Walter Willison then trained the eye of his wrathful ire upon all who traveled the Atlantic, killing, maiming, raping, stealing, stabbing, killing, and shooting everyone he happened to see (except for his crazy crew, of course). Then, in 1547, after an uncharacteristically long and bloody career, the Captain killed his entire crew because they had gone just way too crazy to be tolerated anymore. It was during this butchery that the ship’s cook bored out Willison’s left eye with an auger right before he fuckin got the Captain’s sword through his throat. It was as the Captain was bleeding to death on the deck of his ship, that the Devil appeared to claim his soul. Just before the Devil could take it, however, he was attacked by Skull Fu, who was just suddenly there. The Devil’s left index finger was severed in the assault and landed on the deck just inches from He-who-would-be-Captain BoredOutLeftEyeSocket’s bloody dying face. As Skull Fu and the Devil were embroiled in brutal hand-to-hand, the Captain reached out towards them and the Devil’s severed finger attached itself to his left hand which, except for the gaping hole where his left eye had been, completely rejuvenated him. He threw the two combatants over the side of his ship and continued to sail the seas under his new name for the next 450 years before he was enlisted by Skull Fu to aid with the search for the Big Fuckin Skull. In the summer of 2001, somehow the Captain got it into his head that it was a good idea to sail a dinghy into the center of the earth by way of Lake Michigan. A few months later his dinghy and his shark-bitten-out-of captains log, and the sixth finger of his left hand, were found in a pawn shop in Gary, Indiana. The last legible (and super cryptic) entry in aforementioned log, written in blood that's probably great kraken blood, read only: "Fuckin, fuckin, fuckin… Fuck. Shit."