Big Fuckin Skull


	Biographies


	Name: Fuck Skills: Guitar, fucking living chicks to death and dead chicks to life, can melt people with his vomit, fluid mechanics, manuscript, ancestral history Distinguishing features: Missing top left section of his skull Age: 33 Birthplace: Eastpointe, Michigan Death: Shot in a video store hold-up at age 16 Known Weaknesses: Poison Ivy

Eddie Edwards was born just outside Detroit, Michigan in 1967. He was a good kid with a penchant for crossword puzzles. His early life was replete with family vacations and spelling bee ribbons. Yep, life was grand for young Eddie and his light was shining brightly. When Eddie was 9 his dad had a fatal accident with the steam presser at work, and Eddie’s life took a turn for the worse. His mother had to take a job at a cafeteria in one of Detroit’s worst slums. The change was hard on young Eddie, and he sought refuge in the fantasy world of Hollywood films. On March 19th of 1983 Eddie and his mother went to the video store to return a movie. He suddenly had to pee real bad, so he went to the back of the store but wound up in the porno section by accident. He was mesmerized and enchanted by all the naked pussy, and suffice to say, Eddie got a boner the likes of which he had never known. Just then, Eddie heard someone say “Hands in the air! Give me all your money! Right now! Right now! This is a stick-up!” He heard a gunshot. He heard his mother scream. Then he ran out from the porno section (his throbbing, vein engorged stiffy unabated) just in time to see his mother fall down with a bullet in the guts. He howled in rage and was promptly shot in the head. He didn’t exactly die, though. Instead he got up and attacked the stick-up man, his liquefied brains and viscous puke squirting, spraying, and dribbling everywhere. After the shooter was dead (kind of) and covered in toxic zombie vomit, Eddie returned to his fallen mother’s side. She was slipping away. She didn’t have much time left. “Eddie,” she whispered hoarsely, “Eddie, you have to listen to…” “Fuck!” Eddie bellowed, and then fucked his mother to death. Then he fucked all the other chicks in the store to death, too. Then he joined the band.