Sir, it's disgraceful. Those politicians want us to return to the dark ages.
I voted NO to this referendum on Thursday. Our features are suited to the climate and genome. Why change it?
London want us in Wales to grow body hair again and return the trees. De-evolution is bad thing. We must not let it happen. They won't be happy until all of Wales is eating bananas.
PH, Cardiff.
Sub Editor Sez;
Why are you concerned with trivial things like devolution? There are far better things you could be doing in this life of yours. Okay, you're Welsh and you don't have much of a life, but is Devolution really a bad thing? Think back, way back, to when you were a wee babe suckling on your mothers teat.
Now didn't you enjoy that? The ability to act like an infant. Removed from any need to have responsibility for anything you did.
I think you're whining needlessly. You are a silly person and I'll have no more to do with you.
Dear Hammykins, why is it that there is no sex on TV that caters for us rodents. I am a 49 year old doremouse and I am sick of it. All the time there are humans rolling about in hay, their naked bodies, glistening with sweat. The woman's heaving breasts... his hands upon them, their bodies moving together...
DM, West London.
Sub Editor Sez;
Your type discusts me. You moan about there being not enough rodent sex on TV, and yet you don't do anything about it. Does this look like a TV station? Don't strain yourself trying to think of an answer. Of course it isn't. Its a newszine. We cannot force people to put more naked doremice on any station for the simple need to provide titilation for aging rodents who really should know better.
However, your long winded description of human's having sex (that had to be cut) has been forwarded to Penthouse magazine, and, has surprisingly enough won me a years free subscription for a year. So ha ha ha ha ha
Dear slimebuckets, I personally hold you all responsible for the events that took Princess Di' from us. Foreshame. Not only do you drive her to her death, but you won't let her rest in peace having left this world, with your infernal never ending "colour suppliments" and "the Country / World" grieves specials.
Come the glorious day of the revolution, you'll be the first against the wall.
WS, address supplied.
Sub Editor Sez;
The loss of Diana is a great one, and we agree fully with the sentiments you express. However, we would like to point out that this letter actually landed on our desks by mistake. That is, to say, that the postie must be getting more creative in his pushing through the letterbox technique.
That said, we are forwarding your letter onto the rightful Slimebuckets... um... pooples.