Yes, I can walk tall dicatating over the placement of nails, the discarding of linoleum, and utter the long awaited phrase: "As long as you're under MY roof..." *giggle*

I had never guessed that something like the purchase of my own home would cause such stress and over-analysis of my financial situation, but at the same time win me such accolades akin to giving birth or graduation from some great university. It has been interesting receiving compliments and recognition of accomplishment...simply by a purchase. But I do feel accomplished. I do feel empowered. And...I feel like a giddy 8 year old girl playing house. ;-}

In altered reality news...I'm reading, for the first time, The Diary of Anne Frank (the Definitive Version). This is the version printed after the recent death of Otto Frank (Anne's Father) in 1995, and includes all of the original manuscripts previous restricted by her father's editing. What he had held back was Anne's discovery of her sexuality and disparaging remarks about the others in hiding, including a great deal of negativity aimed toward her mother.

I bring up the topic of this book under 'altered reality news' because I do not yet have the courage to finish the book. As long as I can read, or re-read what Anne has written then I can extend the reality that she is still alive. Her words are being heard, her voice communicates her existance, therefore she lives. I will finish the book in time, because I've only 2 more journal entries before it ends, and she will die. But while she lives, I will bring up two common themes that I have learned over and over, and she herself reiterated.

The first is that Anne is cut off from the outdoors, and therefore craves the sensual joy of nature. She feels that by being able to sit under a tree without fear of capture, smell a growing flower that is not yet cut, breathe in the open night air not restricted by the dirty window, that true happiness can be obtained and the obsticles of living under such harsh conditions can be overcome. In her journal she grows from age 12 to almost 15. It is amazing to see this girl, under ascetic-like conditions (even if they are unwanted) come to these conclusions. Instead of shutting within herself and dwelling on hunger, of which there is plenty (although you'd never know it from her lack of grumblings), she makes her escape in the enjoyment of the earth.

The second, which is an extension of the first, is that Anne understands that pure happiness is not something extraordinary, not the unobtainable golden idol to be fought over...but rather found in the taste of a strawberry, in an easy smile, in a pen that still flows with ink when she needs it, in the tension-filled excitement of a first kiss...even in a toilet that doesn't overflow. I admire her for not succumbing to her surroundings and the bitter admonitions she receives repeatedly as the young scapegoat of the annex they hide in. I believe the greatest reason I cannot bring myself to finish the book is that I see such great possibilities in her, yet I know the outcome of her story. She has accomplished much in the diary alone, but you hear from her how she wants to become a writer, a great person beyond 'the secret annex'. And I am not ready to accept the reality that her development is cut short.

I have also picked up a deck of Faerie Oracle cards by my favorite illustrator Brian Froud, who is known for a collection of faerie books, one of which I remember dearly from childhood, simply called "Faeries". I fondly recall being repeatedly engrossed in the book, reading and re-reading like it was a textbook I had to know in case one should come across the odd fairie ring or cranky gnome. I knew which trees to look out for, what items one should carry in their pockets to ward off spells, and what to accept or not accept from faerie folk in general. Ah, happiness in youth...

Well, my pixies...I have more to recall and mull over regarding inner growth and my own motherly nature, but I'll save that for another time. Until then...

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