There is a common story about a person who stumbled across a butterfly's cocoon one day and sat to watch it hatch. It began to break open with some level of difficulty and the immerging butterfly struggled to release itself from it's birthplace of transformation. The person, witnessing the struggle and wanting to help the butterfly along, cut away at the cocoon, so that the butterfly could be released more easily. When the butterfly had finally freed itself from the cocoon, it fell to the ground, unable to open its' wings, and eventually died. It is during the struggle out of it's cocoon that the wings are tested and grow strong, forcing its way into the world. The helpful person had not realized this, and by helping it, actually hindered its' growth process, thereby crippling it permanantly.

I have an overwhelming compassionate side to my nature, filled with the caring need to help others, or even do for them when they don't know how to do for themselves. But, with the guidance of that wonderful woman I once again encountered at the local Ren Faire, my eyes were opened up to the long lasting harm I was doing to the entity trying to overcome life's challenges. By holding their hand I was prohibiting their learning process, thereby leaving them crippled. I was also over indulging in my own need for motherliness, while resenting the responsibility that came with it.

I also came to understand that things given too freely and too often are not truly valued. The analogy used was the grocery store. One day you are shopping for your groceries and when you come to the check out, they tell you "today it's free". You are very appreciative of the generosity and happy with the outcome. Day after day you shop, and day after day they waive you through.."today it's free". You are happy, but become complacent...expecting that each time you pass through, your food will be free...until the one day they stop you and say "today, it is NOT free". Now, one becomes resentful, ingrateful of all the free food already received, and greedy for more. The generosity of the grocery store is lost, and in its place, negativity towards the seeming lack of generosity.

Such is the way of giving of oneself. I give because it makes me feel good, but it becomes devalued, taken for granted, and eventually harmful. I have been reminded that giving is ~*~Valuable~*~ and not to be taken flippantly by those giving or those receiving. Value should not manifest itself in profuse appreciation, but rather (I believe) in the quiet understanding that help is not always available, to take it when you can, to be happy when it is offered, and not to be resentful when it is not.

Currently I am in a position to help another of weak character. I feel outwardly strong in my position to decidedly NOT help this person, because I would only be holding their hand for something they need to do themselves. Inwardly, however, I feel myself wavering. Wanting to extend myself just once more. Wanting normalcy and security to return. But what is normalcy and security when ultimately you are unhappy?

This brings me to my next subject. The idea of Happiness. The Dali Lama says that in order to bring about happiness one should identify and cultivate those things which bring about happiness, and identify and erradicate those things which negate happiness. Logical so far, I agree. But how to identify actual 'happiness' vs pleasure or even short-term contentedness. Here the Dali Lama and I differ. He believes that feelings of anger, hatred, jealousy all bring about unhappiness and therefore should be removed. That way when bad situations hit the psyche, they will roll off quicker, like the ripples of surface water, but not effect the deeper, calmer self...the deeper, still waters.

Now, while I agree that these are classified as negative emotions leading to unhappiness, I do not believe that one should not be as deeply effected by them, as one would by feelings contributing toward happiness. How can one truly say they love, or they feel elated by, or are excited by, and feel anything deeply and truly, without being able to deeply feel the opposite? Each emotion, positive or negative, has its benefits to the overall growth of the human mind and the ability to explore each emotion to the fullest is to be guarded. I cannot say, and mean, that I love someone, unless I can fully feel what it is to hate someone. Emotions, as well as all things, are defined by their opposite. There is no white unless we can hold black against it and compare the two. There is no cliff if it is not next to a gully, no compassion unless faced with repression. AND, no appreciation of the "positive" emotions unless the "negative" are experienced.

But again, it is all about the balance of the two..the positive and the negative. Not to live in the dull gray area of life, but to stretch out, fearlessly, and feel both good and bad in their full colorful glory. To go out and accept that the experience of life is to have good and bad moments and that one cannot exist without the other...that is true realization. To know that good will always follow bad will always follow good..that is true knowledge. If one lives their lives sheltered, every want serviced, every desire met, then they know nothing of actual living. They will never have an appreciation of simple pleasures, of shiny objects, of small wonders.

I will give of myself, but not give all of myself. I will give to enhance the world and those in it. I will not give so as to cause undue harm...to myself or others. I will (try try try try to) be calmly strong in allowing others around me to faulter and only offer a guiding hand, not carry them outright. I will go home now...it's late, and I'm in for a long night.

Take care of yourSELVES...only then can you have the full energy to help others when they need it.

Until then...

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