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Happiness For A Day 4/19/98
I walk down the hallway in school on a Monday morning. I look into the eyes of the smiling happy faced jock girls who won their game over the weekend. I long for their smile.
I can see it in their eyes, their happiness comes naturally to them. I have to work for mine. I think back to those happy times when I was younger and I always had a smile on my face. I beging to wonder what happened to change me so. I continue on down the hall and I hear my name called out. It's one of my friends. I pretend to listen to her as we walk down the hall and she goes on about her weekend with her boyfriend. But suddenly she stops. She asks me what's wrong and I tell her nothing is. She gives me that " Oh I feel sorry for you" look, and continues on with her story. I laugh inside, and think to myself, if only she knew... I start thinking about how I had a boyfriend once, but he left me for someone else.. he left me for something better... he left me alone... funny...
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DAILY DOSE.... April 28th
Ok... i am at school, and I thought I'd give a daily thought... hehe... we were watching this movie in Biology and I'm thinking to myself about how someone in the past looked EXACTLY like me... like if u think about it, there had to be at LEAST one person who bore a striking resemblance to ur face... so im sitting there thinking about it, and feeling bad for that person, cos u know it's the way I am... but neway, this lead me to the thought about how sooooooo many people r wearing Winnie the Pooh clothing... im not talking about little kids, but people my age are going out in "winnie the pooh pullover jackets" ( Chrissy... now where did I get that???) Now, im not one to judge HOW others dress... but my question is why r people all of a sudden finding it a trend to dress in kids clothing??? Maybe that answer is beyond me, I dont know.. pajamas... yah thats ok... but in PUBLIC??? I guess it's just one of those questions... but neway... my plans r set for MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND 98... oh yah... me and jenn r prepared... hehe... im out...
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Ok... ive been really trying hard to write a story, but ive had a bit of a writer's block lately.... it's kinda irritating.... but newaysss... ok, im sitting in this spot where I HAVE a bad memory... and u know when u happen to go to a place that is somewhere u don't wanna be... but u have to go there??? Well, this was my situation yesterday... So I am at this place... and it occurs to me how much things can change in the course of a few months... did ya ever notice that??? How just the slightest action u take can change the course of a year or so... things can change for the better or for the worse... it's kinda neat when u think of it actually... but it's also kinda scary... like ONE action u take can change the course of events in ur life for like weeks or even months, or even years.... or maybe even ur lifetime... so i guess this just leads to the fact that we all control our own destinies... no one else controls them for us.... Oh and by the way... the place was this creek by my house under a tree...
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Daily Dose May 1, 1998
Ok... u may be reading this b/c u saw my COMMENTS on the poem's page... but neway... as I was saying, i see the world as 2 kinds of people.... there r those who r deep, and gulp! SHALLOW! i wouldnt describe all people that ren't into reading into things, but some r... i see that certain people r into things in their life that r of minimal importance and r only going to be a part of their lives until they're graduate from college or high school... TO ME music and expressing ur thoughts and feelings to others is an important part of becoming who u r, and that's why I KNOW who i m at this point in time, AND I KNOW what i feel about things... but when I saw SHALLOW it seems that others r too involved in things that r of minimal importance... people do things to impress others... YEAH it's GREAT to think u r popular and all that stuff, but in the end r u really discovering who u REALLY are???? When i look at song lyrics and poems I look at it as how it relates to me and my life... but some people just look at it, and go " that's great" and i'm sorry, but YOU HAVE missed the point.... then there r those who can write poetry... but then they are writing it by the book, making everything go together like it's "supposed" to... but how does that describe u???? How does that describe WHO U R when ur trying to mamke everything fit so that everyone thinx it's great??? What i'm trying to say here is that when reading things we need to look at it for ourselves, and if someone SENDS u poems, then u should look into it, and try and see why they like it, why it has sentimental value to them... and maybe get some sentimental value for urself as well.... b/c reading things, and expressing feelings of ourseleves in our work and the work of others makes us become more aware and DEEP and it helps us to find who we really are... but some people maybe r just not ready to find out WHO THEY REALLY ARE....
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DAILY DOSE 5/4/98
Ok... as of today i have outdone my airheadedness.... and i think it's gone too far... hehe... im not going to give specific exampls or anything, but let's just say I have done some really done some AIRHEAD things in the past.... but neway, i best be getting my beauty sleep, cos everyone knows I NEED IT....
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DAILY DOSE 5/6/98
Ok people... i m at school rite now.... =) how surprising i am at school and i have study and im in the computer room.... NEWAYS.... we just got these HUGE storms, but it was pretty nifty, but i have all these weird dreams about my school, and big storms and it';s the end of the world so it can be a bit nerve wracking.... excuse my use of these types of phrases but ive been using them alot ( now isnt that rite ZILLY????) hehehehe.... well, im leaving in appromximately 1 minute.... because my ride said he'd come at 2:15... and it's 2:14 and 49 secs... so make that 10.... im out
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DAILY DOSE May 10, 1998
LIES: some good advice is DONT LIE TO ME.... I have a way of finding out everything.... and I can tell people what I have discovered too....andddddd.... when people lie to me, it angers me quite much.... in the past i have found out some of even my close friends were lying to me, and i just recently found out that someone was lying to me about who they really were, and they thought i'd never find out!!!!!! i have an intuition.... i have dreams that predict things for me, and i rely on these things.... call me psychic i dont care, call me psycho, strange, odd, go for it, ( These r the cries of the carrots!!!! --- sorry im listening to TOOL hehehehe).... but neway, i rely on these things to discover things in my life and others as well ( Let the rabbits where glasses!!!) Let me ask u something, have YOU ever had a dream that the VERY next day came true???? or others that have come true later???? .... if u have u rock and EMAIL me.... but neway, the poiunt of this daily dose, (THIS IS NECESSARY-- life feeds on life), is to say that i HATE it when people to lie to me, and so u know, I can tell when people r lying, and i know..... heaps thanx!!!!
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!!!!!!-- DAILY DOSE May 12, 1998
oK, Daily Dose is a corney title, so im gonna start calling it LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES as of now.... hehehe.... HEAPS THANX! to Tool for writing such great music and kool things!!!! anyway, onto LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!!!!!! Okie, last nite i was watching VH1 w/ my guest of honor on the phone.... hehe.... and it was ( you see reverend Maynard tomorrow is harvest day, to them it is the holocaust-- they have a conscienceness, let the rabbits wear glasses!!!-- if u want to know where LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES came from, listen to track #69 on Undertow)this 80's group... one way, or another, im gonna find u, im gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha... yep, that song, i forget the group, which kinda leaded to me and my friends talking about 80's groups at school today during class elections hehehehe.... actually it was provoked by this song the seniors sang on GMATV.... but neways.... it got me thinking to how in the 80's music was about having a good time, and getting a kool beat and something catchy together so that people would ENJOY it, but now it seems that all that STUFF on the radio is about trying to get a theme, trying to seem like u have real feelings, trying to ACT and SELL OUT your music... you see what im getting at is, how can people write songs based on other people's thoughts and feelings??? the 80's music was all about just singing and having a good time with it, not finding lyrics.... and it's kind of sad for me... i can't find any interest in the radio anymore, except for the likes of Ozzy and Black Sabbath and Rush on the radio, but they never play my fav bands.... just the trendy stuff.... that i see as a MAJOR change from the 80's stuff we used to listen to... KIM WILDE anyone???? but neway.... they say the 80's r coming back, maybe stillettos didnt make it this year, and maybe nylons wont make it next, but i REALLY hope that the 80's music and the music type will return.... and jungle music and rave music is starting to help the 80's music to shine into view once again.... =)
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! May 19, 1998.... hmmm, well, i dont have any major thoughts yet for today.... but the seniors in my school had their last full day of school:::: sob:::: today, and i m REALLY looking frward to that day for me.... exams r coming up in a few days, and i am so siked b/c its great to be looking forward to the end of the year again.... ok, so this afternoon i was testing out this new game that i got for my computer.... it's kinda kool and stuff, excellent graphics, but it's really hard to play.... i remember when my brother got his nintendo and thats all he'd do all day.... look what we've moved on to.... SEGA used to be the big competitor and Super Nintendo ( everyone HAD to have that!), and then Sony Playstation, and N64.... hehe.... it's kinda kool to think about it.... like now, we can just play these games on our CDROMS... if we have CDROM ( i used to be one of those many who didnt) andi wonder whats going to come of the future.... but my brain cannot comprehend that... which kinda leads me to bable onto my biology class AGAIN today... we were watching this video( yes, it is the end of the year!) and like the tools ( TOOL!!!!) people used to use back then and stuff.... it's kinda kool how everything has evolved since thousands of years ago, and just imagine how thuings r going to evolve over the next 1000 years.... kinda neat eh???? Someday this computer im working on rite now will be considered Stone Age ( maybe even the next few years, hehehehehe).... and lots of things.... like CDS for example have been around for awhile now, but think about before then, we had tapes, and records, and 8 tracks and all those wonderful things... i wonder what's next for the future???? Only time will tell....
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I need to talk about silverchair on their big day back ( well, kinda!!!) and I also need to tell everyone about that GREAT show called RAGTIME that I saw in NYC last Sunday!!!!! Well, today, the Godzilla Soundtrack came out, and yes... the chair is on it!!!! and their song on it is called Untitled, and I m going to pruchase it for myself tomorrow b/c i dont have a chance to get it tonite.... and besides, im kinda broke, but thats another story!!!! (YES I NEED A JOB!!!!) but the chair has been on a break for awhile ( they needed it, and they deserved it after almost 3 straight years of working and taking care of school!!!!) but the new song is really kool, and im sure it's giving us a glimpse of what the new album will be like, and i cant wait for that!!!! Neway, about RAGTIME: it's an aussome show, so go see it, im not going to describe it, but it's really kool, and it's not what u'd expect it to be by it's title.... it seems more serious then u think it would be, and it's REALLY good, and the ending rocks.... and the effects were great.... and if neone reading this has ever seen the show SWEENEY TODD PLEASE email me..... for now, im out....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! May 20, 1998
I got the GODZILLA SOUNDTRACK!!!!!!!!! yes, Laura has recovered from her silverchair drought and managed to purchase the cd w/ the MIGHTY chair on it.... i was so siked when i got it.... cos i had previewed the song thanx to my computer =) and i have listsend to it 4 times and it's about to play once again... it's just so kool.... ( and all I keep thinking of are ways to die alone...) it's really good.... and im glad i have an insight to what the new album is going to be like.... and daniel's lyrics r quite nice... ( im just another part of town, internal bleeding around and around, and all i keep thinking of are ways to die alone, a poor true love must go to gain, love's selfish and hungry so feed me the pain, escape reality with new pain, then let the cycle start again, and all i keep thinking of are ways to die alone... and all i keep thinking of are ways to die alone.... , Dream of content a pain filtered fall
All I can say, dreams are bad, when all they do is leave the truth behind
Dreams are bad, when negativity exceeds the state of mind. ( pretty music part, I HEAR PIANO!!!!!!!!!)Dreamsare bad when all they do is leave the truth behind dreams are bad )OH LOVELY!!!!! this is my view of it, im not sure exactly what the lyrics are yet, but as soon as i find em, i'll post em.... i read other silverchair fans interpretations to reach my own.... but everyone's is so different!!!! but soon, i shall have them!!!! And all i keep thinking of are ways to die alone....
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IM GOING TO THE SHORE TOMORROW!!!!!!!! i cant wait, i think MAYBE i'll put a description of the shore on MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND when i get back, but thats a MAYBE!!!!!! hehe.... neway, last nite i got to thinking of stuff to write.... but now i forget, so hopefully i'll remember eventually!!! neway, the word of the day is SILVERCHAIR!!!!!!! for now, im out.... AND ALL I KEEP THINKING OF R WAYS TO DIE ALONE.....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! May 28, 1998.... Ok, now this totally sux for me.... ok, i had my English and Music exams today ( EZ!!!!!!!!!!) and i had planned like all week to come home and sleep in my pool all afternoon.... so, i go out there, and im all set except for the realization that i have to skim the pool first.... no prob.... but as i am dumping those happy DEAD little bugs out of my pool, i slam my finger on the side of my pool, and not just my finger, but the entire side of my nail..... YES IT DID HURT!!!!!!!!! im like ready to scream out certain innapropriate words as soon as i did that but i kept my mouth shut in fear of the neighbors ( now that i think of it, they should have just dealt with it, COS IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!) so neway, i dunk it in the water and continue on in pain, but trying my best to ignore it.... so i eventually finish ( SO I THINK!!!!) and i get the float and get myself into a comfortable position.... so im lounging around there for about 10 mins ( maybe less) and i keep floating to a side of the pool that i dont want to be near because there was a spider near there earlier that i got out of the pool... and i didnt want to keep floating over there in fear that it may come back.... so about the 5th time i float that way i look into the water and what do my eyes appear??????????????????????????? A HUGE BLACK SPIDER!!!!!!!! i literally jumped off my float and ran to the other side of the pool and got out and kept searching for it with my eyes that cant see too well.... and eventually it floated towards where i was standing, and i fished it out.... after about 2 mins of hesitating and wondering whether or not i should go back in the pool, i decide not to.... and now i am online telling u my FATEFUL story.... the point is to describe how much I hate spiders.... i hate them sooooooo much..... this thing was big and black.... and i thought about last week too.... i remember seeing it there, but i couldnt find it, and i thought it was my imagination.... MAYBE NOT!!!!!!! im just glad it was dead.... if it was alive i wouldnt be in the pool for another year and a half.... ive had some pretty bad spider experiences.... and to think, the whole time i was worrying about that side of the pool was b/c of this OTHER little spider that wasnt even IN the pool at the time.... while this SCARY disgusting, horrible, I WANT TO TORTURE LAURA spider was there the whole time..... ughhhh..... neways.... now my place of slumber has been moved to my room, and my kitty ( OLLI) is in there sleeping rite now, so he can keep me company while i snooze.... funny how things turn out isnt it????
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! May 30, 1998....
Ok, this a MAJOR opinion rant and rave jacked up thing here k???? Ok... im reading one of the MANY silverchair newsletters I get, and I cant get over how sooooooo many people r obsessed thinking that THE MIGHTY CHAIT doesnt get enough credit for their work.... ok, im one of the biggest chair fans i know around here ( besides Maggie of course =) and i m so sick of hearing, " Why did they lowercase their name on the soundtrack?" -- b/c thats the way silverchair has ALWAYS SPELLED IT!!! and then i hear... " Why r they listed on the bottom?"-- b/c thats the order that they're in on the soundtrack!!! silverchair gets credit... yes i was a bit tee-d off at the fact that they werent in that Godzilla special... not b/c I think theyre not getting enough credit, but b/c i PERSONALLY ( actually lots of other people too!) saw a clip that daniel was in and thought theyd be featured... also, another thing is that theyre not in the movie at all... lots of soundtracks do that... Machinehead by BUSH is played ONCE in the movie Fear... and they made a video w/ clips from that movie, but another song of theirs... Come Down is in it like 5 times... ( Im going to have watch that tonite).... i dont know... im just getting sick of this constant... " WHY ISNT THE CHAIR IN THE SPOTLIGHT" theory..... im tired of hearing people complain... maybe they LIKE being listed 11, that is where theyre on the soundtrack ya know.... i love the chair and their muzak... but im tired of hearing complaints of what is what they maybe wanted.... now the thing w/ MTV never playing them.... thats a different story.... THEY NEED to play their videos.... hehe.... im out...." so I held my head up high, hiding hate that burns inside, which only fules their selfish pride, all held captive out from the sun, a sun that shines on only some, we the meek are all in one"....
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LET THE RABITTS WEAR GLASSES!!! June 2, 1998.... Ok, i m gonna say it... IM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!! im sick of people judging me, telling me what i do is so f*ckin wrong.... well u know what??? blow it out ur arse.... do u know HOW MANY people in my family would be lost w/out me to help fix their COMPUTER problems???? I want to go on and check my mail for a mere 10 mins, and they have to b*tch about the whole damn thing....im so sick of it.... and other things... im sick of people judging me on what I DO in my spare time... it's my job ya know????? not theirs... it's my business!!!! A good friends of mine told me it's my business what I want to do.... ya know???? and IT IS!!!!!! just b/c people r so freakin unsure of themselves, and I m experiencing MUCH NEEDED happiness... they gotta lay it out on me.... well, guess what.... u may feel like NOTHING.... but ur words, THEY WONT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING ANYMORE.... This is just another reason why the world sux... and most people in it r worthless and just want to put everyone down....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! June 3, 1998... You know when you care about someone soooooooo much that everything about them makes u want to smile and be with them more and more???/ And when theyre down, u feel down too???? Or when u cant be with them, or speak to them it just hurts and hurts and hurts??? Well, I am hurting rite now... I dont want to say why... but someone I care about is hurting i believe rite now... and it's coming back to me... i feel like theyre mad at me, when i dont know if they r or not... I'll find out tomorrow... amd it just hurts... it shouldnt really, but it does,,, it hurts mostly cos i dont know whats going on.... i want them to open up to me, but they wont... and it hurts... i kinda feel unwanted... actually, these emotions r just b/c of how much i want to know whats going on... i should write a poem =)... hehe... but hopefully this will figure things out for itself.... but for now i have 2 more things i'd like to talk about for now....
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Ok... i listen to my friends tell me all of their problems, no matter how PETTY i think they r... and some of them cant even listen... i was trying to tell my friend something today, and she like barely even listened or tried to make me feel better, she just continued on doing what she was talking about... it wasnt like a complete " Im ignoring u thing"... that wasnt the situation, but more of a ( ack, im slipping out of my thoughts.... must focus =) where was i??? i dont know... but neway.... the point to this is.... that people should return favors and listen to others when theyre in need as well.... it helps out... and not just with listening, but returning favors in general is needed more....
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I needed to delete that last thing... thank u my brothas and sistas... goodmorrow to u all now that ive deleted it....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! June 4, 1998.... Hey now, hey now, dont dream it's over... ok.... i LOVE that song soooo much and I rarely ever hear it, and it was on the radio coming home from school today.... i was like YES!!!! hehehe.... neways.... it's a pretty kool song, reminds me of last summer when everything seemed so much better then it does now between me and a certain someone which i dont want to get into.... but memories.. light the corners of my mind... something water colored memories, of the way we were.... ok, i'll shut up now... hehe.... i hope this summer is as aussome as last summer!!! ONE MORE DAY!!!! tata....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! June 7, 1998 Okie, let's see, I got back from the shore today... ( isnt that rite Kel Kel???) Im Jen jen.... hehe.... neways.... except for some MAJOR sunburn i had pretty kickin time .... OH YES I DID!!!!! I love boys.... doesnt everyone???? especially these cute skater boys that i had to unfortunately leave today... oh how sad... but these OTHER guys... all im gonna say is ooooh la la... i dont want Kel Kel to get mad at me... that would be bad.... neway.... it was pretty nice down there and everything, i just wish i was still there cos i m so freaking bored here... THERES NOTHING TO DO!!!!!!!!!! but oh well, till august... i m signing off w/ my shore memories....
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Ok... i was thinking about this... dont ask, but when an idea pops into my head, i have to flow w/ it.... so neway... u know that spiffy movie called Deep Impact that just came out and how there is a Lottery and stuff??? to see who gets to stay??? isnt that kinda scary??? i mean, basically most of the generations would be gone ya know??? but this got me thinking to how the dinosaurs like dissapeared and stuff and people think it's b/c of the meteors and stuff like that... well what if the dinosaurs were all smart and stuff???? and they really knew all this stuff that we're soon to discover???? like computers, what if a generation like discovered this all before us???? but then they died off before they could push it further??? and what if each generation keeps finding out more stuff???? It's one of LAuRa*s twisted theories that she thinx of when on the phone w/ people like CHRISTINE!!!!!!! hehehehe.... neway.... just something to think about... tatatatatatata....
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LET THE RABBITS WEAR GLASSES!!! June 9, 1998 Ok...im in a funky mood.... so here ya go... when ur feeling down and blue.... here is all u gotta do.... in one word... i want u to scream METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! METALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok, im out...
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