Today's links:
Stiff Upper Lip: A column on how women aren't allowed to travel alone. It just hurts the heart to read stuff like this. Being a girl can really fucking suck sometimes.
"Love relationships are very important to you. Since you don't like being alone, you may settle for a partnership that is less than ideal, instead of accepting loneliness." Astrology-NumerologyI heard from Demma first thing this a.m. She knew about it...Anonymous was one of her friends...she'd thought it would be interesting to have him post anonymously to "liven the board up..." but didn't know he was going to post like a stalker... she asked me not to report him, I said I wouldn't. I am so fucking relieved about this, I can't even tell you. I was so very scared that I would be getting attacked, and to find out that I could go to class without fear...whew. I was at the point where if ANY male had come up to me for any reason (perhaps the time), I would have started screaming "I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU!" Stalkers are, to me, the most fucking scary sickos, and after watching waaaaaay too many Donahue episodes as a child, am now very scared that someday one will come after me...and well, in this case my fears were realized, for a day. A day of hell."Love just makes life complicated. It messes up your priorities and makes you a blithering idiot. It puts some random person at the helm of your psyche. You'll be just another Exxon Valdez heading for just another Prince William Sound. All it takes are those three little words to eventually coat the cute little harbor seals of your heart with viscous sludge." -Fred Houts
Demma
Cofessions
Mon Feb 8 11:07:19 1999I'm sorry everyone...this whole thing is my fault... I asked a friend of mine to post anonymously to liven the board up.......I feel sorry about this whole thing.....
Corgan
Re: Cofessions
Mon Feb 8 11:16:44 1999Not bad Jen, I must say I'm impressed. Most people don't know you can trace shit like this, let alone how to have it done. But if you bothered to do it, I obviously scared you and for that I'm sorry. I really just wanted to make things...interesting...for a while. Well that worked, but not exactly how I wanted it to. See ya around.
Jennifer
Re: Confessions
Mon Feb 8 13:34:20 1999Not bad Jen, I must say I'm impressed. Most people don't know you can trace shit like this, let alone how to have itdone.
I work on a web page and we had similar problems at one point with people going into areas that they didn't belong in.
But if you bothered to do it, I obviously scared you and for that I'm sorry.
Apology accepted...although I'm still feeling angry about this.
I really just wanted to make things...interesting...for a while. Well that worked, but not exactly how I wanted it to.
Well, if you'd left it at the first post, it would have been ...interesting. The second post, however, scared me. The idea of having some cyberstalker following me around school wanting to do what you said is terrifying. I've known some real nutcases in my time, so this was pretty real-seeming to me. I sincerely hope you're not like that in real life.
She also, well, um...she and Warren are two more people who find this polyamory thing to be stupid and me to be insane for putting up with it, why can't I find a normal guy who'll commit (notice that this comes from engaged people though who don't have this worry)- honestly, I can't find a normal guy, they are NOT attracted to me (and vice versa). I think I'm doomed to have bizarre relationships forever. Whether I make guys jack off all over their keyboards or not with my looks, I don't have a huge amount of guys banging down my door right now. And at any rate, all the hickeys on my neck are probably a turnoff... and I'm too busy running around after Remington all night anyway to care about hunting down another one.
I think both Remington and Zoe would feel better if I did have another boyfriend, lessening guilt is what it sounds like to me...but, well, um, I probably should get another one, but not only would it be difficult, I don't want another one to deal with. I have enough problems without throwing another person into the mix and turning things into a romantic hexagon. Pentagon (me, Remington, Zoe, her other boyfriend and his live-in girlfriend) is bad enough as it is...I'm just surprised that none of 'em have contracted any diseases yet. Very surprised.
I really don't know what to say to people about this. Especially since I can't even defend the whole thing as being rational myself. I don't get a lot of things about it. It confuses me. I still think there's potential for disaster, after reading the stuff Zoe said about it...yay, jealousy, whoo hoo! How they work out the jealousy sounds bizarre. And well, a lot of it does sound at times like, well, dare I say it, monogamy...I don't get it. And I feel bad that everyone thinks I'm an insane idiot. Well, they did already, but this really confirms things...I'm sorry, but well, normal isn't going to happen to me. The weirdoes find me, I don't hunt them down. There are a few advantages to this situation... if he didn't leave on weekends I'd never see my friends or get any work done...otherwise we're pretty absorbed in each other. I'm not bombing any classes, don't get me wrong, but, well...it is difficult to want to study for a test when you really want to just go see your boyfriend. He told me that the first thing he does after coming home is to call or check for me on IRC...I was amazed.
But I wish I could have a relationship that would be relatively approved of, for a change. For once to not have to hide things like age and explain things like poly and have people tell me that he's a jerk and I should dump him. That I could have a Valentine's Day that WON'T suck, for a change. I don't care about all other holidays but New Year's and VD, she can have him then, but... What is so awful about me that I can't work that out somehow?
I just don't get how you can be absorbed in one and then be absorbed in the other one like that. (Especially since he gets into this marriage talk with me! It's very confusing!) I can't wrap that around my head because I can only handle one at a time, personally. Everyone around me thinks this is wrong. Even I think it's at least partially wrong. But what the hell do I do about it? Can't change either of 'em. If she weren't around, I believe he'd still be off dating other people.
I'm not a jealous person. But well, it irritates me a bit. If I think of what they're doing together I get a little icked out- which is when I stop thinking about that. And last night while having a crisis, it irritated me even more. I feel pretty distant from him right now, like he used to be mine and is out on loan for awhile, maybe? He loves me? I find it hard to remember. Of course, this could be just because I'm rather irritated that he still isn't home and checking e-mail and I want someone to make me feel better again after this. Besides that, it turns out that Monday is the day I have meetings going on, not Tuesday like I thought...so maybe I will go to his computer group thingie after all. But if he doesn't get home he's not gonna know about it. And I have to call Mom tonight and tell her that I love him...and she'll flip out.
I know, I'm screwed.
Today's links:
Stiff Upper Lip: A column on how women aren't allowed to travel alone. It just hurts the heart to read stuff like this. Being a girl can really fucking suck sometimes.
The first four letter word: Written by my "favorite" UCD columnist, it's on how he's never fallen in love, and how that's a very good thing. I agree with him on that it's not a good thing, especially since he's rather an ass and reading his views sometimes makes me ill and I'd thoroughly pity any girl he fell for or who fell for him. But I do find it interesting how he's been coinciding his columns with what's going on in my love life of late. I admit that I love my boyfriend, he writes a column on how it's icky to do so (or something like that, anyway). Hmmm.
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