Hell Day

"My childhood was so bleak, I wanted to stick my head in my Easy Bake oven." -Mary O'Halloran

Then came Monday, which proved my previous theory that I can't be around my parents for more than two days without things becoming awful.

Dad was in a godawful bad mood, infuriating me. Nag, nag, yell, yell, make my life a living hell. Yes, Dad, I know that I'm under your complete control. I know that you pay for everything, better than I know my own name. I couldn't stay in the room with him.

Both of them worry too goddamned much. Just all day long, worry, worry, worry, I can't stand it.

Then Mom came home, and she made me feel like the worst evil bitch on earth for being mad at him, he can't help it, he's depressed, you shouldn't take your anger out on him (then where can I take it out? Nowhere. Stifle, stifle, stifle.), if he keeps feeling "unwanted" he'll die, if I come home pregnant it'll kill him (and she said even worse and unrepeatable in that vein), then ordered me to "go out there and make him feel loved."

Not to sound like even more of an evil bitch than I already am, but that's very hard to do when you feel like strangling him instead.

I attempted. I started apologizing...and he was just nasty as hell to me. Even Mom would have to agree that it was hopeless. He was all pissed off that I got people to mess with the computer (hello, you TOLD me I'd have to find people to do it up here), went on and on about how he paid for it, wants to go take the Ethernet card back to the store (a year and a half later, yeah, RIGHT), I now have to ask his permission before letting anyone mess with the computer...being ridiculous. I badly wanted to leave for home.

They of course took their sweet time at that...LONG car ride, fight fight fight, and then Mom insisted on calling Aunt Susie, they didn't leave until 9 o'clock. And of course now she wants me to call her back AGAIN. And I had to swear to call her twice a week. God, I don't want to talk to them. Right now I don't want to ever again.

Did I mention that I had a midterm to study for?

The only bright spot was getting a phone message from Remington that said to call him- oh, and "I love you." Awwwwwwwww. I love how he's saying it. However, by the time I got her out of there he wasn't home. He finally returned from Melissa/Yamara's around 12:15, wanted to come over. I know I needed to study, but I felt so awful I needed a pick-me-up. Sometimes I feel as if the only way they'll stop it is if I was dead or something, they make me feel like I want to blow my brains out. (No, I won't, but I get so frustrated/fed up...) I told this to Remington, and he said "Please don't." I shouldn't have said that to him, with suicidal friends and all. Feel bad about that.

I let him mess with the computer again (I know, bad girl) while I studied...or got fed up with studying. Suffice it to say that a. my computer is still crapped up, and b. he made me feel a lot better. I told him he made me feel wonderful, and he said that I made him feel even better than that, or something...I'm out of it, naturally =)

Things are heating up.

I have call-in for RSVP today (16th), and after that I said I'd call him, we're going out to dinner somewhere, I suppose to do the Valentine thing, if we do anything... should be wonderful. =)

Well, Remington called to say he got stuck in another meeting till 7:30 or so, he'll call when he gets out. Said "I love you." Awwwwwww.

(I know, I bet you're so sick of this, huh? Well, IT'S NEW TO ME, DAMMIT!)

Called RSVP and had a lovely time for a change! Got into all my first-choice classes (English 46 B and C, required, and Design 100, ditto)! I've got one more class to sign up for in March, which'll either be children's lit (MWF 11-12, with my writing prof, he's cool) or a Shakespeare class (T/Th 1:40-3, required).
My current schedule:
Monday and Wednesday: English 46B 12-1, 46C 2-3. (Remington'll love this, sleeping in!)
Tuesday and Thursday: Design 100 10-12. (he'll like that also)
Friday: 46B discussion 9-10, 46C discussion 10-11 (why all the discussions Friday am? Moronic! I managed to avoid 8 am though), 46 B 12-1, 46 C 2-3.

Fridays'll suck, but oh well, it gets 2 out of the 3 of the 46 series out of the way, and except for Fridays it's an excellent schedule. =)

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DON't e-mail me until further notice, I'm just leaving in the link so I don't forget to write it back in later.
jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu

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