Illusions

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? -JAKE-
DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

Illusions I need(ed?) to survive in this poly thing:
1. To behave they're not serious about each other and/or will break up (dashed)
2. They're not as "in love." (dashed)
3. That I don't have to hear about/meet her (dashed)

Ah, illusions. Rip, rip, rip, all in the name of "honesty."

Last night (Tuesday) was pretty steamy- went out for Thai food and were all mushy throughout dinner. (He's got some red roses sitting in his car...from her, probably. Sigh) Then tried to get my computer to work for hours, which was not so steamy. Seriously, I oughta ban him from the computer, he's not getting anywhere...but will I tell him no? Ha.

It all messes me up, with him telling me he loves me and he's so lucky all the time, and then I think about this poly thing. Oh God.

Eventually we go back to his place and I check e-mail- 49 messages?!?! Junk, important meeting dates I'm probably not going to recall (movie night's Sat. @ 7- Yamara was invited too, but I bet she won't go- Remington's party is on Saturday.), and one from Zoe- which I didn't want to deal with in front of him at all, with him trying NOT to read it (or so he said). And more illusions tumbling and trouble brewing...

I'm going to paraphrase:

* Said she's never been in this situation before- really involved/in love and not the primary partner- even though he says that we're all equal. She's having a hard time with this, since I get to see him more.

* She mentioned that she bit him too hard once, and he said that I did that too, and she was creeped out by what we'd done and didn't want to be compared to me. I said he did that to me too. And I agree. She didn't like the hickeys either, especially since she then realized that I've seen her hickies. How bizarre, how bizarre.

* He told her he didn't mention her to me as much because he figured I'm more new to all this. Gee, and I thought that was just the decent thing to do, not blab about one girlfriend to another a lot. You mean he wants to go on about her when he's with me? Sigh.

* I think I agree with her that he's not good at the poly thing. Especially after I read this. He told her that each time he's done this in the past at some point something shifted in his head and he dumped everyone at once. He was fairly sure he'd mentioned this to me. Um, no, not like THAT. She said she figured that sooner or later one of us'll dump him or he'll dump both of us. How nice, something to look forward to. She thinks this works best if no one feels like they're going to get dumped at any moment.

Reading that he'll dump us pissed me off more than anything in this entire situation. I don't want to get dumped. ESPECIALLY unexpectedly, just because he decides he can't handle the poly thing anymore. Especially SINCE HE'S THE ONE WHO GOT ME INTO THIS!!!!!! Especially since I don't understand how he could love me one day and the next just dump me because of a shift in the head. UGH! I felt really mad when I read this. Did NOT want to get into a romantic mood after that.

* She might have been willing to try monogamy with him, but she really doesn't think it'll work. that she couldn't handle it, or he couldn't, I don't know. I hope it's her and not him. She's annoyed at the other boyfriend, so she doesn't have anyone else she wants to be with.

* She told me this story about how her other boyfriend really liked it when she and his other girlfriend were with him, he was happiest of all I guess then. I liked her line about how it wasn't that he only wanted one of 'em, he wanted both of them there more. Sweet, somehow, as well as bizarre. I'm going to ponder this one more later. Maybe the one semi-reassuring thing in the e-mail?

* Asked me out to lunch on Friday. I accepted.

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