The Non-Partygoer

You both sit there, your long hair flowing,
Eyes around, your minds still growing,
Saying to me: What can we do,
Now that we both love you?
I love you too. I don't really see,
Why can't we go on as three?
-David Crosby, "Triad" (from Zoe's poly book)

On IRC again...a few minutes after I got on last night, so did Zoe. Once again, Remington basically hid in the corner, but Zoe and I were doing the private message thing. Oddly enough, she seemed to now feel guilty about my not going to the party- "we don't want you to be left out." I said that was sweet, but I already had plans anyway, and it's not as if either of us knew what we'd do in that situation anyway. She didn't say much to that. Otherwise we got along well, but sadly I don't recall what else we said. Arranging things for Friday. 10:30 a.m., Cafe Roma. I was well, creeped out when I read my e-mail...she was going to his house Thursday night. Ew, she's stealing from MY time, is how I felt. Still rather feel.

In other IRC news, I don't want to let them mess with my computer any more (I don't think ethernet will EVER work), but does anyone listen? Noooo. They're probably going to come over again after the next lugod meeting on Tuesday.

After Zoe got off, I continued to stay online to talk to Remington, even though I knew I should go to bed. I didn't think he was going to come over, since he'd been drinking again (sheesh), but he eventually came over around two a.m. ("I really would like to see you." Awww.) Okay, so we didn't get up to much, but it was nice. He wanted to stay here while I went to class and then came back, but after he found out I had class till noon and not ten today, he said he had to go to work. Waaaah. I soooo didn't want to go to class, he was dragging me out of bed. I wanted to see him again before I wouldn't get to see him for days. Which does bug me, she's stealing my time! Won't see him till Monday probably.

So I went online today to talk to him one last time, and it was fun. One guy came on to me, and Remington fwapped him. =)

I am being forced to go to this boring-ass Portfolio Day thing in the design dept. most of Saturday (10-3:30), and was whining about it on the channel. After he found this out, he then said something like there goes my last hope of dragging you out to Rumsey... What? He was thinking that if all went well tomorrow, I'd want to come out in the morning or afternoon for a bit" before the movie night. Um, no. Definitely don't want to do that. That would be the same problem that I wanted to avoid, for godsake. Phew, now I'm GLAD about portfolio day. I said not to worry about it, they'll all have fun anyway, and then he said well of course, but he likes having fun with you there, too. Yeah, well, what would I do there anyway? Watch them make out? Ewwwww, don't need that. I'd just probably spend the night hiding in corners anyway.

A comment on this: The idea of watching them together, probably cuddling and worse, freaks me out. Ewwwwwwwww. Don't need or want to see that like, ever. However, I think (from last night's conversation), that Zoe and I feel the same on this, but he wants the three of us to get together. I asked him about that, but he didn't answer the question. He mentioned that the situation might be okay if it was at a party that none of us were hosting and had rides home...I didn't agree. I wonder if it would be better if we were both messing around with him...(that's probably what he's going for...), I dunno about that. I wouldn't feel so "left out" about it, anyway...on the other hand, weird.

Illusion I need to survive: That I don't have to see them together. (Will probably be dashed, if he has his way, and so far he's gotten it)

After that, we got back to well, kinky talking again. Ah, substitute for the real thing...we agreed on that.

Later we were getting into a debate on steak, over whether steak should be eaten rawish or wellish for some reason, and I finally agreed to try something different the next time I was in a steakhouse. Which, I was about to say, would be unlikely, seeing as my relatives aren't around and I don't like steak very much anyway, when he typed that his dad wants to meet me sometime, so that wasn't not all that unlikely.

Damn, what a shock.

Okay, maybe not that much of a shock, I guess, but still...

Then around five, he had to go...meet up with Zoe I'm sure...I won't be talking to him again. I don't want to go on chat while she's there with him instead of me. Ew.

Waaaah.

I left soon after that to go to self-defense- well, go eat dinner before self-defense. While I was in Taco Bell, I saw Jessica (off the channel), and we had dinner together, so to speak. She has been invited to the party, asked if he just invited everyone he knew, and I said probably, but I wasn't going. Had to explain why...I just said that I was busy already then. I felt really funny though, knowing that she'd go to the party and then see him and Zoe all over each other- and she's already seen me and him all over each other at the last lugod meeting...ewwwww. I don't want to be the one to explain it to her. Well, she might know after Zoe referred to me as "frumple's other girlfriend" after I'd been cut off and someone asked who I was. She felt weird about doing that, I said well, they had to find out sometime. Surprised they hadn't blabbed already. She said that she didn't want to spend the night out there, and I said that was one of my things I was glad I didn't have to deal with, that I didn't want to either. She probably didn't know why...but she'll find out (sigh).

Tomorrow promises to be nervewracking. Oh well, they'll all be out in Rumsey in the night, and I won't have to think about them being together in my town anymore.

Sucks to feel like this.

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