Okay, here's what I'm nervous about. We're all going out to dinner tonight. Yes, all, including Remington. Apparently this was another idea of his that I hadn't heard of.
"Illusion I need to survive: That I don't have to see them together. (Will probably be dashed, if he has his way, and so far he's gotten it)" -Me, yesterday (see?)Well, it went good. We got along well. She's a lot different-looking than I expected- well, I'd seen a photo of her, but it was from '91., and she had long hair and sunglasses in it, and you couldn't really tell. Physically, we're a contrast, I'll put it that way. Mentally, well, we get along. It was fun. Psych issues with parents (hers sound somewhat like mine) and stuff like that, later comparing him around, finding out things that well, um, difficulties, I'll put it that way . Their past history- they were really good friends a long time ago, then he stopped talking to her for no reason (oooh, evil. I HATE that sort of thing. If he pulls that on me I'll probably kill him.), then she called him or he called her or something I forget 8 years later (last fall), and she got involved...and now is learning things that she isn't happy about. Oh joy. See, that's why I don't date my friends anymore. Like when he is being monogamous, he dumps all his female friends. If he does that, then I prefer him to not be monogamous, 'cause that's evil to do to anyone. That worries me about him. She hated his whole dump-em-all thing too, said she was trying to talk to him about it, and he said he was comfortable now, or something like that, and she's all "what, that means you don't think you'll break up with us right now? huh?" I don't think it really got clarified- she was griping about how hard it was to communicate with him, he being all high-maintenance and stuff like that, how he wants to pay for everything, how I deal with that (hey, if he wants to, whatever, is what I think about that. Told her we should make him pay for dinner). Some more stuff about the party and how he told her to ask me while privately messaging on IRC (I'm pretty sure he's messaging her whenever she's on and I'm on). Whether or not we thought this was long-term (she used to think maybe so, but well, he's weird; I don't expect anything to be long-term anymore), kids (she wants 'em sometime, soonish? he sort of wants kids or something like that, me, probably not). Hmm, many topics. Some of which, as you can probably guess, I won't be getting into on here. I made a crack that we should tell him we liked each other better than we liked him, and she cracked up. It was fun. Barely noticed when it was time to leave for class.
I'm going to end this for now, just 'cause I want to finish it before I leave. If I think of more, I'll add it in later.
Okay, here's what I'm nervous about. We're all going out to dinner tonight. Yes, all, including Remington.
Apparently this was another idea of his that I hadn't heard of.
Why am I doing this? Anyone know? Please? This was the last thing I wanted...to see him and her together making out, ewwww. I still don't want to see that. I mean, how are we supposed to act? Which one does he make out with? Menage a trois? I feel bad saying that I'd rather nobody messed with anybody.
Yeech, I was fine with it when Zoe suggested it (this was after a few hours and we'd already discussed a lotta personal info and were getting along great and all by then, and I was feeling comfortable and all what the hell-ish), but now I feel weirded out. Well, I wouldn't if no one would act cuddly/coupled up with anyone at dinner, but I don't trust him to not do that. I'm already dreading being picked up by him and her in the front seat. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Weird thought/sense I had while talking to her: I was kinda forgetting the presence of Remington. Okay, I know that makes no sense. I mean, I couldn't remember what it was like to be with him, really, while talking to her. Even when I was talking to her ABOUT him, it didn't seem real. Which is probably why it didn't seem to be a bad idea for a group bonding session (or whatever...). But geez, it'll be weird.
And it's going to suck that I'll get dropped off like a good little girl, while they go off to do kinky things tonight. UGH. Unless he wants some sort of menage. That might be even worse. (Yes, I did discuss Zoe's menage thing from e-mail with her. No, won't get into it here.)
Why didn't I go to see Rushmore with the gang like I could have tonight?
Went on IRC and he was on, then she came on (well, we'd both planned to go on it today, so that was expected), then we all pondered restaurant choices. she told him to ask about plans for this evening, apparently she told him nothing- he then griped that nobody tells him anything and he'll just sit there in the dark, all alone... (yeah, you, alone? In this situation? Yeah, right.)
God, now I'm jealous of everyone going to the party. I mean, most of IRC is either going to it or considering going to it. One guy came on looking for the "frumple/sandra entity" (ugh, they're not one person), saw me and said "close enough", then started going on about how he's supposed to pick Oli up or something, and I'm all "don't ask me, I'm not going. Already busy." Now since everyone else is going, I wanna go too. Waaah.
And they both keep bugging me to go now. Knowing everyone else'll be having a good time, and I can't bloody go to my own boyfriend's party because of the two of us/who sleeps over aspect...this sucks. Especially since the problem of who's he gonna hang out with when we're both there that I wanted to avoid, is going to be confronted tonight ANYWAY, thus elimiating one of my key reasons for not going... geez. I'm almost reconsidering going to the movie thing and going to the party after all. Even though I was very very glad I had an excuse to not go, 'cause otherwise they'd make me go so I wouldn't be left out. And I think it would be a lot of fun, too.
But I have to remember: sleeping arrangements. Sleeping arrangements. Where the hell I'd go. If there'd be any way I could hitch a ride home. Icky things like that.
No, I can't go.
But if they start trying to convince me to go like they were at dinner, I may reconsider.
No, they won't do that.
I'm messed up bad.
Why do I do this crap?
Update: 11 p.m.
It went surprisingly well. I mean, really surprisingly well. I mean, who woulda figured me to act like this? It's a surprise.
He sat in the back of the car, we sat in the front. Nobody did anything with anybody at first, to my relief. A contrast from the last time I went to that place with Remington, though, when he was all over me. Nicely tactful, I thought. We were at the place we went to for his birthday, the place with the crayons (I love it). Surprisingly, everyone got along. Zoe even did the joke I made about how we were going to leave him for each other...it was funny. We did this odd drawing, a collection of some scientific drawing he did, turning into a railroad scene. Bizarre, but fun. He kept it. I'm trying to remember what we talked about, exactly... well, they were trying to convince me to go to the party, and I was waffling about going to Christine's movie thing...the more I hear about the party, the more I'd like to go. And seeing as the three-way meeting was going pretty well, I had about no reasons to not go...well, I finally caved. He said I could invite Sarah along if I got a ride from her. He said to arrive whenever- as early as possible.
Jokes being made that he couldn't look into both of our eyes at the same time, what would happen if anyone got another SO (nobody knows), him asking "So, what do you really think?", and then going "You guys are probably sick of that question, huh?" Odd, but not difficult, is maybe how to put it.
At one point, Zoe traced her hand on the paper, then indicated to me that I should do it too, but Remington did it first, overlapping onto hers. Then I did that too. She asked me what I thought of witchcraft (she's a witch), and I said it was cool, something like that, and then she did a little poem about binding three, or something, ripped out the hand drawing, and folded it nine times and put it in her purse.
Zoe did say at one point that he could hold our hands, or something like that, so he did one of each. She told me when he was at the bank (after dinner), before we went to the food co-op to get supplies that she was bugged that he wasn't touching us. I said I figured he'd do that, she couldn't figure out why...her other boyfriend never had any problems with dual pawing. I said, 'well, you wanna grab him, then?' and so we did. Surprisingly worked well. Basically we ganged up on him in the store, giggling and making jokes, occasionally chasing him or something to flip him out...yeah, he was probably intimidated, and who wouldn't be, but was trying, handled it well enough, I think.
Zoe asked me in the store at one point if I'd figured out if I loved him yet. I said yes, she asked if I'd told him, yes. Then she asked if I had a difference between love and in love, and I said I didn't know. I never thought of any kind of definition, anyway. I'm not sure what she was getting at with the question, exactly.
Anyway, when they dropped me off, Zoe told him to get out and "give me a proper kiss." Ai yi yi, I thought. Well, we did, not in depth, but we did, then I left. Then Zoe yelled at me to come back and give her a hug, all her friends hug goodbye.
That went well, wow, good actually.
I left a message on Sarah's machine to notify her of things, then went
on IRC to look for a ride tomorrow, and found one with Chris (from Sudwerks),
Jessica, and Leng. Said I could bring Sarah along if she chooses to come. I dunno
if she will... Zoe came online (surprisingly) a bit after I got on,
and messaged me that after dropping me off, he said "I guess I really wasn't ready for you two to be that comfortable around
each other." Hmm. Anyway, we were getting along good. Then they went
off to Rumsey. Hey, there's a reason to be pleased at the poly bit, I
don't have to go up there and clean up the joint =)
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