I just got waaaaaaaay too much in a blur to write up entries, or even attempt to write up entries, in the past few days. I will attempt to record the most memorable things.As Sweet It's all because we're so alike-- Twin souls, we two. We smile at the expression, yes, And know it's true. I told the shrink. He gave our love A different name. But he can call it what he likes-- It's still the same. I long to see you, hear your voice, My narcissistic object-choice. -Wendy Cope
Wednesdays I'm pretty busy. Class, go read seele poetry board entries (although today was the last day I had to read new entries, next week we fight over the old ones), eat, English discussion, class, two-hour break, seele meeting- plus today I had an English club meeting after seele meeting. I decided to get Remington to pick me up from my last meeting, seeing as it would take me even longer to get home and call him if I didn't get a ride- he said that getting me at seven he might forget to do, and I said "well, I could stick around for the grad student readings going on until nine there..." He then said he couldn't wait that long.
I wonder about us sometimes. The first thing he said to me when I got in the car was "Missed you. It's been hours!"
Went over to his house and he made me dinner. Awwww. While there I finished reading Zoe's poly book...the end of it had some odd things to say about triads...most of them seemed to be a previously established couple wanting another person, and then things being odd...like one woman mentioned didn't want to be non-coupled, wanted to find her soulmate before joining in with another couple...soulmates in poly? That somehow doesn't make sense... maybe what poly is is being able to have "affairs" without ruining the marriage? I mentioned that "something doesn't make sense." vaguely to Remington while reading, and he was all suddenly let's-get-into-a-discussion-about-what-you-don't-understand mode. I didn't want to say what I was thinking about it though, so I didn't exactly say. Can there be that sort of thing when the guy's in love with two girls? I guess that was more what I was wondering...
Odd thing: he said to me at one point during the night "You're mine. Just so you know."
I like the sentiment, but the possession thing sounds odd, in this situation...I wonder if he says that to Zoe. I wonder if he dares say that to Zoe. I wouldn't want to ask her that though. I suspect he gets off a bit on how I am not seeing anyone else...
He had some very long complicated weird dream that "we" were in a car driving around S.F., and a whole shitload of stuff I won't write down happened. I said "we?" and he said it was either me or Zoe, or maybe both, but there was only one person in the car. Weird.
I am soooooo bad about getting up in the mornings nowadays. I hate this 9 a.m. every day thing...can't wait until classes end so I won't have to do it any more...I mean, I cannot get myself out of the bed worth a damn...like that morning we just delayed and delayed so much we didn't even leave the house until ten minutes after my class had started...I was trying to convince him to skip class, well, I didn't want to go, but he wouldn't let me.
I have about convinced him that if he gives me a ride to school most days, that he'll get to see me for a little longer. A winning argument. =)
Isn't this stuff so cute you could barf?
Sarah is now going to sublet her apartment...can't afford it. Which bums me out, because where am I going to live this summer? Oh, and I don't recall if I mentioned this before here (I don't think I did), but Jessica (off IRC) is looking for people to live with next year. I'd like to have her move in, she's a cool person and I sympathize with her situation, but we already put the down payment at Sycamore. Well, I mentioned her to Sarah, and she was surprisingly liking the idea (someone else to chip in on rent). Now she wants to get an apartment in Greystone or somewhere so we'd have Ethernet (or else we'd have to get more phone lines, being such net-heads), or renting a house...I like this idea, but boy do I NOT want to tell my parents this at all...they'll flip out no end. Oh goodie.
9 a.m. continues to suck...I was griping that weekdays suck 'cause I have to get up, and he said that weekdays didn't suck because that's when he gets to see me. Well, good point. Okay, I do have the best advantage in the situation, but I wanna be able to sleep in and have him around at the same time more often...
Was on IRC with Remington on Thursday, trying to solicit a ride back from self-defense, and he agreed to do it. He's now started saying "love ya!" and the like on IRC...awww. Zoe showed up towards when I had to leave, and he wanted us to go into the private channel, but then I got cut off and then had to leave anyway.
He picked me up from class and informed me that we were going to B/M/M's house, then to go print out fliers for the Lugod invasion thing tomorrow. Okay, fine. So we get there, and Bill or somebody said that his other girlfriend needed to talk to him on IRC...Zoe was still on, her dad had been acting perfectly awful to her (we have similar dads, we discovered) and threatening to kick her out of her house (his name's on the papers). Actually it wasn't as weird as I thought it would be (other than seeing him make some crack to her I won't repeat), she asked if I was around so she could get my imput...I had him type a few things till we had to leave.
Note to self: Never get a house. Not that I was going to anyway, since that would entail settling down and not being able to move anywhere else if I wanted to, even if there was somewhere I wanted to live in foreverish. But my parents would be icky as hell about it. (Told this to Remington and he said I could live in Zoe's or his house. Hmm)
Went out for food, then to the computer lab. This was pretty boring...Remington went on IRC, then when he went out to put more quarters in the meter I went on...and then Zoe got on. So we went off on the parental bs thing for awhile, generally had a good time, when he returned Remington looked over on occasion, sometimes I told her silly things he'd said, in general it went well. Surprise.
Back at his place, he went on IRC again, and I started dozing off...however, one guy on the channel had been looking on my page and claimed to have fallen in love with Sarah's nose. He didn't show up for the party last time (and Zoe griped at him about it), and he wants to meet Sarah now. I said he'd have to show up to the next party.
Remington said another one of those things that is sweet and yet confuses me..."you're my favorite toy." In general he's been very mushy...awww...stuff like he's glad he picked me, etc.
Friday: Actually got to class relatively on time today (okay, less than ten minutes late), then went home and on IRC, griped about their being no food, and Remington offered to take me out with him and Marianne for lunch (they work across the street from each other, so they go to In N Out about every day). I didn't say much, just sat around and looked beautiful...Marianne was talking about Lugod and saying that there were only a few girls there who weren't "girlfriends." I felt a little embarrassed...if I comprehended things, I'd be a geek, really...
After dropping her off, Remington took me to his lab for a bit, then back to school. After class I ran into Sarah and had an interesting discussion.
I need to buy tickets for the Cuarto area dance next weekend, which Sarah is going to with me, and she asked if I was taking Remington. I said hell no, he's too old and it's a weekend, so think about it...she, however, is desperately looking for a date of some sort. Sheesh.
Told her about the guy liking her nose, and she was EXTREMELY excited about it. Wanted all the details I could find out. Nah, she's not boy-crazy at all, is she? =)
I also invited her to show up at the Linux invasion thing happening this afternoon...I wanted her to meet Jessica, plus, well, I like talking to Sarah.
Went to join the rebels...and was quite shocked to see Remington in one of the Linux T-shirts they were supposed to wear. He's a total preppie, clothes-wise (and inwardly, a total hippie. Go figure that one out...) Anyway, we were all cuddly and cutesy around each other, probably making people nauseous, but it was fun. Got a few group pictures taken...him and me rather cuddly in the background...yes, I was thinking of those pics of him and Zoe at the time. Sarah came over after her class, and she and Jessica hit it off...planning living arrangements that my parents will have a cow over. She bugged Remington for info regarding the nose guy, but was bummed to find out he was probably 33. Then started going off on how old that was, etc. Remington seemed to take this in stride, but I wonder what he was thinking...Sarah made some crack about him cradle-robbing (the look on Melissa's face when he said that...), and he said "but what a cradle to rob." I felt better.
After I got home, I found the web page of the nose guy (not bad-looking...) and sent it off to Sarah...surprisingly, she sent him an e-mail off his page. One of these days we have to get her onto IRC... The results of that will be interesting...
Went out to dinner with the boys and Sarah, but she had homework due that night, so she begged off going to see A Bug's Life (campus cinema) with us. Did that, then I came home and passed out, basically.
I dreamed that I'd gotten an e-mail from Zoe Thursday night/Friday am?, and to my surprise, that turned out to be true.
She said that we seem to hang out with his friends often and not mine...maybe because mine don't approve?
"My friends almost never do anything on weekdays, and his friends do. But yes, I do think that's well, um, awkward. Okay, so (with one exception) they've only been around each other once, and it's probably not that likely to happen again (they're computer geeks and do homework all week), but yes, I suspect that might be part of it. The guys refuse to discuss this around me, well, I get the silent treatment regarding the issue, but when my friends make remarks like "don't date anyone over four years older than you" to others in front of me, well, I can figure it out. Well, everyone disapproves of the poly thing, and almost all of them disapprove of the age thing.On my not wanting to horn in on her time... she said she felt the same way when she was going off to him about her father. She felt a little better that I was chiming in too, but she didn't like the idea that I was with him and Marianne said "hey, your other girlfriend really needs to talk to you..."Which is not to say that he doesn't get grief about cradle-robbin' also (I don't know what/if people say to him about poly really)...I've heard that a few people have sent him e-mails going on about what a delicate flower I am (or something) that apparently made him feel like a child molester, Melissa has objected to it, heck, we were at a Lugod thing Friday and someone (my friend Sarah? I forget) made some crack about him being a cradle robber, albeit it wasn't particularly mean, and the look on Melissa's face was, well, um...interesting. Probably the only person who doesn't object to the age thing is well, my mother (surprise!).
Odd thing: Years ago I had some dream that I slept with Luke Perry (ugh, no, have no interest there, don't get why I picked him either), who was a happy farm boy in overalls. I slept with him, then my friend (some dream generic friend, not anyone I knew) slept with him, yet somehow I didn't mind this and we still got along fine. I told Remington this, and he was trying to make a case that this was some sort of foretelling dream, that he was a hick farm boy, etc..."Yeah, but do you wear overalls?" =)"
"I know the feeling...when I was all flipped out when I thought I had a stalker a few weekends back I was kinda mad at him for not being around so I could ask him if that was plausible (that the guy could get my schedule through a relative). Or at least that someone I knew might be a little bothered at the idea of a nutcase after me, since my friends were acting all jerky about it. "Well, there's nothing you can do about it 'till he rapes you." "It was inevitable that someone would stalk you someday", icky things like that. (Yes, I have been rather annoyed with the guys of late. Again, my taste in friends sucks.) But if you're having a crisis and you need to talk to him, really, it's okay, I understand. I woulda done the same thing myself probably. (Ha, and someday I might, the way my dad is)She wanted to hear about the spells I've cast...I told her. However, the one I'm putting up here I am reluctant to mention/send to her, for obvious reasons...but I am trying to be honest here...We weren't doing much. I'd just wanted a ride back from self-defense class so I wouldn't have to go home in the dark or wait around for a half-hour for another bus, and surprise! we're going to go to Bill/Melissa/Marianne's and then do fliers or something. And while doing that in the computer science lab I just went on IRC and mostly ignored everyone anyway.
I do, well, do that myself on the weekends...I'm not proud of that. Not that I begrudge you the time, but if I think about it, twinge again. well, a few twinges. and the occasional "oh, man, I don't want to think about that." If I'm not busy it creeps into my mind and I don't like that. Or worse, when I'm feeling perfectly fine and then someone says something like "so, are you bringing Remington to _____ next weekend?" (Sarah and the dance) Um, no, please get off my back, 'cause you're not going to like the explanation of why. Okay, that's only happened once, and it wasn't something I wanted to take him to, he wouldn't like it anyway, but still, the cultural pressure doesn't help things.
I've been thinking about that sort of thing lately...like for example: it's a perfectly accepted cultural thing that if there's two girls (or guys), you choose one, or lose both, no exceptions. I've got a episode of Friends in my head in which Phoebe made up a song about Ross debating between his girlfriend and his longtime crush, singing "He _must_ decide! He _must_ decide!" All those songs with two people fighting over someone.
And what if they didn't _have_ to "decide"? This never comes to mind, and even if it did, the moral majority would flip out. It's a less dramatic(?) outcome, which you'll never see on television...but boy, would that change things.Then again, I just finished the book, so maybe that has something to do with it...there was the occasional thing that surprised me when I got to the triad section, even though I don't think this exactly fits the version mostly described. That one person didn't want to get involved with a couple until she'd found a soulmate/partner...somehow that seems odd to think of with poly to me.
She said that (on IRC I assume)? Ouch. Then again, Bill said the same thing upon arrival, I think."
The (Find Your True? I forget the exact thing) Love Spell: Done from the same book, around the same time or so.Also some stuff about what kind of magic can be created with a romantic triangle. Some sad stuff about how when she'd try to tell him she loved him in her head she'd be thinking of her boyfriend that died last year...sad. She thinks we should get to know some people who are into poly as a lifestyle, especially so she can stop comparing our relationships to the usual type. That surprised me...she's been doing that for almost nine years?! Wanted to know what I felt about her getting to see him more than usual and me seeing him less...I didn't want to tell this either, but again, trying to be honest:
Aim of the spell: Okay, that's pretty obvious. Done during a horrid dry spell.
Spellcasting: wore a white dress, magically charged a pencil dipped in gold glitter, spread the glitter around the front door of the house.
Results: Well, this is the debateable one. If you go by relative immediate results, it's a definite no. If you go on the thought that it might take some time, well, um...I dunno. After the blooper that was the next spell, I don't think my judgment can be trusted worth shit as to that sort of thing.
I really don't know what to say about it.I don't know. I used to be "a bit psychic" (to quote a TV show), but somehow lost it all as things went kerflooey with the ex, and not having the guiding voice inside is dreadfully scary. Although two odd things happened to make me wonder if it's returning... during winter break I had this dream that Remington e-mailed me, and it turned out the next a.m. that he had. Then Thursday night I dreamed that you had e-mailed me, and ditto. Never ever had that sort of thing happen to me before. Maybe it's coming back, or maybe it's just indicating that I'm waaaaaaaaaaaay too Internet-obsessed?
Hmmmmmmmm."
"Well, when I originally found out you were going to be in town on Thursday I do remember thinkin g "nice for her, but that cuts in on my time." and feeling a little whiny and childish about it. (Again, not proud of that) Figured I wouldn't see/hear from him again until Monday or so. But things going the other way than I figured...shoot, I saw him for awhile on every day of the week. That was probably the real switch...unexpected."He was being all confusing about the weekend to her too...said things might be happening Friday and Sunday and he'd cancel one to be with her, then said things so that she thought neither was going on, then she tried to figure out that if they were both canceled he could spend one of those days with me, but he seemed to get irriated with her questioning. She thinks we should all go on chat and discuss this...I agree.
"Geez. He was very confusing about the weekend. I recall him asking me about what I was doing (why I don't know, I figure he then forgot whatever it was), then never said anything else about plans with either of us, then vaguely mentioned something on IRC about you guys doing something then. Then he was apparently confusing Melissa with whatever he said about the opera (she'd asked if he wanted to go to the opera, which one as a date I dunno, but I'm not into opera). Then he was all, "um, did you know I'm going to Zoe's?" after he'd mentioned that in my hearing to Melissa a lot on Thurs. Um, duh, I think I coulda figured that out.Well, thanks for the thought anyway...(sigh) I don't know how to nail him down to anything either. P.S. Read something I thought you'd like: My Netscape has gone kerflooey as of late, and I was attempting to read ucd.life through Dejanews. Some guy as a joke had asked some girl out, and Remington accepted instead. I put up a joke post saying aren't you busy enough nowadays? In response to that he wrote "Well, yes. And very happily so. :)"
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