Odd Bits of Humor and Wisdom

• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then it dawned on me.... they were cramming for their finals!
• You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps, toothpicks?
• Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor!
• If you jogged backward . . . would you gain weight?
• Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?
• You have to stay in shape! My grandmother...she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
• Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
• The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
• Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
• If you don't think women are explosive, drop one.

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