Here are Quotes from Famous People

These are the quotes that the stars, celebrities, and key historical figures have said, and I'm sure that they will be quoted from this day on...until the end of the world...Isn't that supposed to be next June??

"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so."

--Douglas Adams



"You white people are so strange. We think it is very primitive for a child to have only two parents."

--Australian Aboriginal Elder



"Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you're too damned old to do anything about it."

--Jimmy Connors



"As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something."

--Hagar the Horrible



"We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like."

--Alfred Hitchcock



"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. *sigh* There's so little hope for advancement."

--Snoopy



"Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it."

--Unknown



Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Who do you trust?

--Anon



"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space."

-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"



"There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted."

--Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour



Pittsburgh Driver's Test

8:Pedestrians are...

(a) irrelevant.
(b) communists.
(c) a nuisance.
(d) difficult to clean off the front grille.

The correct answer is (a). Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.



"Anarchy - it's not the law, it's just a good idea."

--Unknown



"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well."

--Samuel Butler



"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

--Unknown



"Cigarette smoking is a major cause of statistics."

--Message in fortune cookie



"He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike."

--William Shakespeare



"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."

--Galileo Galilei



Dark Helmet: "There is something you should know. I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."
Lone Star: "So What does that make us?"
Dark Helmet: "Nothing. Which is what you are about to become."

--Space Balls



Colonel Sandurz: "It's Mega-Maid, sir! She's gone from suck to blow!"

--Spaceballs



Willy Wonka: "If the Good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller skates."

--Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory



"This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

--William Shakespeare (Hamlet)



"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

--The Buddha



"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."

--Aristotle



"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."

--Al Capone



"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

--Winston Churchill


"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."

--Albert Einstein



"I know what you're thinking, did he fire six shots or only five to tell the truth in all this confusion I forgot myself now being that this is a .44 magnum the most powerful handgun in the world and can take your head clean off, you have to ask yourself a question, do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"

--Dirty Harry



"Will you just watch the hair? You know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair."

--John Travolta (Saturday Night Fever)



"Men should be like Kleenex- soft, strong and disposable."

--Clue



"I knew that we were having problems when
You put those pirhanas in my bathtub again...."

--Weird Al Yankovic



"Politics makes estranged bedfellows."

--Goodman Ace



"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead."

--Woody Allen



"The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were."

--David Brinkley



"I find it rather easy to protray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me."

--John Cleese



"This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop."

--Alfred Hitchcock



"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig."

--Alfred Hitchcock



"There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game."

--Alfred Hitchcock



"Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies."

--Thomas Jefferson



"I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain."

--Lily Tomlin



"Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain."

--Pierre Trudeau



"Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it."

--Mark Twain



"You know you're over fifty when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there."

--Anon



"We're not afraid of challenges. It's like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned."

--Anonymous Brazillian Soccer Player



"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."

--Anonymous Manufacturer



"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

--Batman Costume warning label



"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."

--Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player



"Please provide the date of your death."

--From an IRS letter



"We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."

--Parish Magazine



"Oh, thou art fairer than the evening air
Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars."

--Shakespeare



"Every why have a wherefore."

--Shakespeare (From Comedy of errors)



"Out, damned spot!"

--Shakespeare (From MacBeth)



"Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble."

--Shakespeare (From MacBeth)



"Kiss me, Kate."

--Shakespeare (From The Taming of the shrew)



"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

--Marlon Brando (The Godfather)



"Frankly my dear, I don't Give a damn."

--Clark Gable to Vivian Leigh (Gone with the Wind)



"'Tis but a scratch."

--John Cleese (Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail)



"A cluttered desk indicates a cluttered mind; an empty desk indicates an empty mind."

--Ann Landers



"How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything."

--Nan Tucket (author of The Dumb Men Joke Book)



"If ties are a phallic symbol, why do we have bow ties?"

--Nan Tucket




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