"What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Everywhere Else"

This is a continuation of the "What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Onstage" section. It was suggested by Erica Campbell that we expand Oasis thoughts to include what they're thinking:
Backstage
On The Road
In The Studio, and
While Making Videos
So, this page will be for Oasis' thoughts in all four of those situations. I have done some for each of those four categories, and you guys can send in stuff for them, too.



BACKSTAGE

Noel: I wonder how this show's gonna go.
Liam: I wonder how this new aerodynamical boomerang-tamborine Meg bought me will improve my Noel-bashing skills. I can't wait to try it out.
Bonehead: This Hair-In-A-Can stuff doesn't look too fake. Could it give me the image I've been searching for? A newer, hipper Bonehead for the turn of the century? Or would it just make me look silly.
Guigsy: I hope Noel doesn't notice I forgot to bring my bass. He never looks at me anyway, he probably won't notice.
Alan: *looking in dressing-room mirror* Ah, Alan, you are the most handsome, the most talented, and the most desirable man alive. Everyone loves you, Alan. You know that don't you?
Liam: One of these days I'm gonna have to ask Alan why he spends 30 minutes before every show staring into the mirrors.
Noel: There isn't a decent thing to eat in this whole room. Coca-Cola and ice, and that fruit basket over there. A fruit basket? We're never playing America again. They know nothing about hospitality.
Alan: You da man, Alan!
Bonehead: Yeah, I could look like a new man. Well...the crowd might not notice, but the guys would definitely know it's spray-on hair. What would they call me then? Canhead? Painthead?
Guigsy: Now what am I gonna use as a bass? I'll take that banana from the fruit basket onstage and pretend like I'm playing it. Like I said, nobody'll ever notice.
Alan: Alan, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.
Noel: Alan is such a geek. Why is he kissing that mirror?
Liam: Time to go onstage. What's Guigsy doing with that banana? Oh well, nobody looks at him anyway.
Noel: Fruit basket. What ever happened to good old-fashioned complimentary cocaine?
Bonehead: Aw man! Who ate the last banana?
Guigsy: My Hoffner violin six-string banana and I will be the stars of the show tonight.
Liam: Alan is a freak. I have got to request a room without mirrors from now on.

Liam: I really wish they wouldn't let groupies back here after the show. I really do.
Noel: Who's Liam trying to kid, acting like he doesn't want the groupies back here?
Liam: I really do wish they'd go away.
Noel: Now he's acting like he wants them to go away. What an actor.
Bonehead: I should probably call Kate. One more G&T.
Guigsy: All these people in here make me nervous. I don't wanna flip out, but there's too many people in here....
Alan: Ahhh, my adoring public. Okay, adoring public, quit hanging around Liam and get over here!
Liam: Puhleeease get yer hand off me leg, lady.
Alan: Please come put your hand on my leg, lady!
Noel: Okay, Noel, remember. Smile, nod, look interested, and then make a break for it the minute the door opens.
Bonehead: I'll call Kate now. No, one more G&T can't hurt.
Guigsy: Boy, am I getting nervous. It's getting stuffy in here.
Alan: Ah! A fan!
Lady: "Could you tell me where the bathroom is please?"
Alan: "Out that door." Darn.
Noel: Door's open! Go for it, Noely!
Liam: Where in the bloody 'ell does Noel think he's going?? He can't leave me alone in here with these people.
Guigsy: That's it, I'm wired. I seriously hope no one comes near me right now.
Bonehead: One....one more...G&....Q? No, T. One more of them, and I call me mother. Er, wife.
Liam: God, I've got to get rid of at least ONE of these people. "Um, why don't you go talk to Guigsy over there? He's a really fascinating conversationalist." That's the best joke I've told tonight!
Guigsy: I'll just lay back and shut my eyes and maybe when I open them, it'll all be gone.....
Bonehead: I'll juss....call.....*slump*
*A fan walks over and plops down on the couch next to Guigsy*
Guigsy: AAAAACK! *shoots up into the air and lands in Alan's lap*
Alan: A fan? Oh, just Guigsy. Hey, get off me Guigsy!
*Guigsy jumps up and runs out the door screaming*
Liam: Hey, great idea, Guigs! Play insane!
*Liam follows, screaming. Bonehead's still unconscious*
Alan: Alright! A whole room of fans! Just for me! And it's not even Christmas!

ON THE ROAD

Noel: If we have to make one more pit-stop before we get to California, I'm gonna kick Liam's arse. We've already stopped six times for him in the past 10 minutes.
Driver: One more pit-stop, and I quit. They can drive themselves to California.
Liam: I have to go to the bathroom again. Boy, do I have to go to the bathroom again.
Guigsy: I hope we get to California fast. I'm feeling a little claustrophobic.
Bonehead: There is nothing to do on this stupid bus. I have never been so bored in my life. There's only so many times you can watch Noel's videos of himself playing and Liam's of himself singing. There's only so many times you can play Super Mario Bros, and only so many times you can listen to Noel's Paul Weller collection.
Alan: I wish Bonehead would quit sitting in front of the TV if he's not doing anything with it. I can't wait to play Super Mario Bros again. Well, I'll just go watch Liam's videos for now.
Noel: I wonder if I could write a song before we get there. Let's see..."Get on the bus and cause no fuss"..."Get on the bus and bring it on home to me"...Yep, we're definitely on this bus too much.
Liam: I'll try to hold it for another 5 minutes. Then I'll just tell the driver to make another pit-stop. I'm sure no one will mind.
Guigsy: The walls are coming closer! I have to warn the guys! Oh wait, I don't talk. Make the walls go away!
Bonehead: Only so many times you can read Paul Gallagher's stupid books, and only so many times you can throw darts at that picture of Blur before it gets old. And if Liam makes another pit-stop, I'm going to go insane.
Alan: Man, I wish he would move. Oh well, I'll listen to some Paul Weller now. Or maybe I'll throw some more darts at Blur!
Noel: "The wheels on the bus go round and round"...
Liam: Nope. Can't hold it. Pit-stop time. *tells driver to pull over*
Driver: That's it. I'm outta here.
Guigsy: I have to get away from the walls!!
Bonehead: That's it! I'm insane! He's finally done it!
*the driver, Bonehead and Guigsy all take off in different directions, screaming*
Liam: Man. I guess they had to go to the bathroom even worse than me.

Added: (2/21/98)
Liam: "And there she was. Like disco lemonade, man, there she was..."
Noel: "Ninety-nine bottles of lager on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of lager..."
Bonehead: "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah..."
Guigsy: "And she's buyyying the stairway to heaven..."
Alan: "So tell me what you want what you really really want!!"
*everybody stops to stare at Alan*
Alan: *staring around nervously* Okay, Alan, get a hold of yourself. Don't worry. They can't possibly read your mind. They're just looking at you for some other reason.
Liam: "I smell sex and..can-dy here, mmm. Who's that loungin' in my chair, mmm..."
Noel: "Eighty-nine bottles of lager on the wall, eighty-nine bottles of lager..."
Bonehead: "You think you've lost your love, well I saw her yesterday-ee-ay..."
Guigsy: "There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure, 'cause you know sometimes words have no meaning..."
Alan: "Mmm-bop! Dappa du wop! Doobee dabba do bop!"
*everyone stares again*
Alan: Okay, now it's starting to freak me out. They can't hear what I'm singing, can they? Of course they can't. They can NOT read my mind. I would've been kicked out of the band by now if they could. Just stay calm, Alan. They're just....admiring your marvelous good looks, that's all.
Liam: "And who's the casting devious stares in my direction, mama, this surely is a dream..."
Noel: "Seventy-nine bottles of lager on the wall, seventy-nine bottles of lager..."
Bonehead: "She says she loves you, and you know that can't be baaaad..."
Guigsy: "Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow? And did you know..."
Alan: "I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld. Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic..."
*staring again*
Alan: That's it! I can't take it anymore! They're reading my mind! They know that I'm President of the Spice Girls Hanson Aqua Fan Club! They know everything! They know about the affair I had with Monica Lewinsky! They know about secret love for Gwen Stefani! Oh my God, I can't think! Stop thinking!
Bonehead: Well, we've succeeded in reducing Alan to a paranoid shell of his former self.
Liam: And Noel said there wasn't anything fun to do on these long bus trips. *evil grin*

IN THE STUDIO

Liam: Man, that guitar solo Noel just did sucked !
Noel: That was the greatest guitar solo I have ever done.
Alan: I hate my job. We've been here for 14 hours. Everybody else gets to be creative - to make stuff up on the guitars or change the vocals. But me? Thump, thump, thump. What's my part in this song, Noel? Thump, thump, bang, bang, crash, clang, thump.
Bonehead: Those dorks in the booth have been sitting there for 20 minutes now. How long can it possibly freaking take to play a song back? For God's sake, just push "Play"!
Guigsy: Look at all this cool stuff. I love playing in Abbey Road. I'll bet John Lennon sat here once. (Voice) "That's right, Guigsy, I did." John? "Yes, Guigsy, it's me. The ghost of John Lennon. I'm over here in the fridge."
Liam: Guigsy's weirder than I thought. Why is he over there talking to the refrigerator?
Noel: It's getting drafty in here. I can't wait til play-back, so everyone can hear how great that guitar solo was.
Alan: I am a suffering artist. Smothered by my own talent. Cursed by my outlet for creativity! I am doomed to Thump for the rest of my days!
Bonehead: Alan looks like he's doing the "suffering, smothering artist" bit again. I'd like to smother him. If they don't play that song back in two minutes, I'm gonna go play it back for them.
Guigsy: What are you doing in the refrigerator, John? "Looking for the milk for my tea, what do you think I'm doing in the refrigerator?" Why have you come, John? To talk to me? "Nope. Just looking for the milk. Get it for me, would you? My tea's sitting over there on that amp beside Alan. Just go pour a little in there."
Liam: What is Guigsy doing with the milk?
Bonehead: That's it. I'm going in there. And it's not gonna be pretty.
Noel: Bonehead's so excited about my guitar solo, he can't wait to hear it!
Bonehead: *crashes into the booth and starts flinging things around (including the producer)*
Alan: Oh, the agony! The humanity! The tragedy of my life!
Guigsy: *pours the milk onto the amp beside Alan. Alan gets zapped by the amp*
Alan: AHHHHH! *falls over, his hair smoking*
Noel: Bonehead's gonna destroy my solo! *runs toward the booth. The milk bottle floats out of Guigsy's hand and crashes down onto Noel's head. Liam laughs. His microphone mysteriously falls over and knocks him off his stool*
Guigsy: Wow. That was pretty cool, John. "Yes, Guigsy, sometimes it comes in handy to be invisible. Even the invisible people can make a great impact on things. Now do you see the lesson I was trying to teach you today?" Umm...never pour milk on an amplifier? "Nevermind. It's a good thing you don't talk."

MAKING A VIDEO

Noel: It's about time we got to make this video for "Don't Look Back In Anger." Finally, a video with me singing! What more could the public want?
Liam: Every stinking shot in this video is of Noel! Noel, Noel, Noel! The people want to see ME! Not Noel!
Alan: Every stinking shot in all these videos is of Liam and Noel! Liam, Noel, Liam, Noel, Liam, Noel! The people want to see ME! Not Liam and Noel!
Bonehead: These lights are killing me. Here we are, outdoors, and having to sit under a bunch of lights. I'm roasting, and I have to sit here on this stupid bed and look like I'm having fun.
Guigsy: Look at the pretty trees. Look at the pretty birds. Look at the pretty car.
Liam: What is with that stupid red magnifying glass Noel keeps carrying around. It's because he's jealous of my tamborine. That's it. It's a crutch.
Bonehead: Boy, Liam's beating that tamborine extra-specially hard today. I think he's having withdrawals due to lack of attention. Hey! I am smart!
Guigsy: Look at the pretty house. Look at the pretty girls coming out of the house...
Alan: How long do I have to float out here in the middle of this stupid pool on this stupid drum-raft! I have to go to the bathroom!
Noel: Another shot of me...and another close-up of me...me in the car...me in the house...me, me, me!!! I love it!
Liam: How long does it take to get one shot of me laying on this bed with my feet in the air?! My legs are killing me!
Alan: Help! I think I'm sinking!
Guigsy: Look at the pretty piano. Look at that guy from "The Avengers" driving the car...
Liam: "Let's get another shot of Noel with the guitar, please." Well, you can all kiss my rosy-red British a...
Bonehead:...nd now for another shot of me at the piano. Where'd Alan go? He was just floating in that pool. Look at those bubbles rising to the surface...

Liam: Well, here we are. Another day, another video.
Noel: This video is to be my masterpiece. I thought the whole thing up meself.
Bonehead: This video makes absolutely no bloody sense. I've never experienced anything more pointless than this in my life.
Noel: Yes, "Don't Go Away." The world will be talking about it for years to come.
Bonehead: I have the horrible feeling that people will be laughing at this for years to come...
Alan: Wow! I'm HUGE! I think I'll take advantage of this size while I can and squash Noel like a bug...
Guigsy: Hey! This video is just like one of my acid flashbacks! Cool!
Liam: I have to write?? I can't WRITE! Write "Education" on this paper? How can you do that if you don't have one??
Alan: What's with the bell peppers?
Guigsy: Woah! Look! Millions of little Liams with umbrellas! And I thought I was sober! Guess not.
Bonehead: Shrink, grow, shrink, grow...I'm getting dizzy...
Noel: And now Liam will frame me with his tambourine...
Liam: Noel wants me to hit him with my tambourine? No problem. I can handle that.
Noel: I said FRAME me with it, not BRAIN me with it. What a moron. No wonder he had so many little pieces of paper with "Edukashun" written on them wadded up and thrown in the corner.

Here's some Oasis video thoughts sent in by Miggie, for the making of the "D'You Know What I Mean?" video:

Liam: This helicopter is really nice... I can see me house from here. Hey, this is quite big. I can jump!! *jumps* Look Noel!! No hands!! Ha, ha...
Noel: This helicopter stinks. I wanna go home and... What the fuc* is Liam doin'?? Sit down!! SIT THE FUC* DOWN!!! He's getting me nervous... what if he falls down??
Alan: I'm freezing... and this soddin' helicopter is trembling too much...there must be some kind of turbulence...
Boney: Where we're goin'??? I don't like all this destroyed buildings...OH, SHITE!! The captain's a spy, and he's taking us to the Gaza Strip... or maybe to Bosnia... he looks like Saddam Hussein, don't he???
Guigsy: Govinda Jaya, Jaya, Gopala Jaya, Jaya...
Liam: I dare you to jump, Noel!!! Come 'ere!! Be a man!!!
(Everybody's very pissed off right now because of Liam, you're getting it, don't you?)
Alan: Brrr... I'm freezin'... damn it... I need a coat right NOW. Look at Liam. Of course, he's bouncing up n'down like a monkey... and who wouldn't? I mean, he has a very BIG WARM jacket...
Guigsy:What the hell 'Govinda' mean? I better sing some Tattva... *sings happily* Like the flower and the scent of summer...
Boney: Oh, God, we're gonna die in here... I should've said my throat was damaged as Liam does. They wouldn't be able to do a bloody thing without me. But wait... I don't sing, do I?
Liam: DESTRUCTION!!! Look at that house with a big hole in there. Maybe I can convince Patsy to move in here. I don't think the fuc*in' press or the fuc*in' Stones will be able to find us.
Noel: When we're getting off this bloody thing, then?
*The helicopter lands*
Director: "Everyone on your positions. Liam, mate, put on the sunglasses, would you?"
Liam: Do this, do that. Get in the helicopter, get off the helicopter. Put on the sunglasses, put off the sunglasses. FUC* OFF!
Alan: Brr... Always in the back. Always in the back. When the bloody hell will Liam stand behind me???
Noel: Okay... I got to pick one guitar, right? Let's see... Union jack? No. Paul Weller's?? No. The beer-bottle-shaped?? Nah. This is it. The one James Hetfield from this rap group... Meteorica, Matematica... oh, yes---Metallica, gave me.
Guigsy: Wait a minute.. what is Tattva? WHAT IS TATTVA??? WHY AM I SINGING KULA SHAKER???
Boney: Calm down, Boney, You can do it, mate. Nobody will hurt you here. All of 'em are your chaps, see?
Liam: I can't see a fuc*in' thing with this sunglasses!! No, wait...*looks at monitor in front of him* THAT'S ME!! Hey, I look really wankered with this thing, he, he...
Noel: This guitar feels really good. I should buy a dozen in different colors, so I can make a nice artistic thing in Supernova Heights... but where?...
Alan: Okay. You're gonna make it in this video, mate. You just hit this drums as if they had a Tony McCarrol picture on...
Guigs: That's it!! I'll sing the Bloody Beatles. I can understand 'em. *sings very happy* I am he as you are me as you are he and we are all together...
Boney: Anyway, if some bastard comes to attack, Liam will get all the bullets! I'm just sooo bright. *hears a sound* Hey, what's that sound?
Liam: *still looking at the monitor* You know, I'm really good looking. Patsy DID hit the jackpot when she married me. I look like a wanker, but everybody loves me. I'm just awesome... *hears a sound* What's that sound? I told Noel not to eat all those beans before we got 'ere... what a pig.
Noel: ...maybe I can put them in the garden, or maybe in the bedroom ceiling... nah, there's mirrors in there. *Then, obviously, hears the thing too* Huh? what's that?? Darn you, Liam!! Stop eating all those beans!!
Alan: If these bastards keep farting like this, I'm out.
Guigsy: ... but 'walrus' is a weird word too... what is it? russian? nah. Maybe is just a cockney english accent... let's see... walnut, wallet...
Boney: *absolutely scared, realizes there's about 20 helicopters coming* FUC*!!! WE'RE DEAD!! WE'RE IN BLOODY VIETNAM!! *stares high* They're killing us, I knew it, I knew it...
Liam: *watches the helicopters too* FUC* OFF! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE PRESS!!!
Noel: *watches the helicopters too, of course* Okay. I won't stand this anymore. I'm sick of all this bloody collectors. I'll have to give up the credit cards with Meg, she's bought enough fake fur for the house.
Alan: WOAH!! The DEA?? Somebody forgot to hide the drugs or something??
Director: "Ok, guys, stay cool. Like you haven't noticed the helicopters, okay??"
Boney: What? WHAT?? Stay 'COOL'??? I'm not a daft cunt, mate, I'm outta here!
*The helicopters land, the smoke starts, and the boys and gals start running to Oasis*
Liam: WOAH!! Look at those gals there... *raises a brow... well... THE BROW* a brunette with big boobs here staring at me, a blonde with a kinky look staring at me, and this other biting her lip staring at me.
Guigsy: ...walker... wanker... yeah, that's it. But I'm not a wanker, am I? Hey, that gal is biting her lip and looking at me...
Alan: That's it, Alan. hit hard and keep on sweating like a pig. You're doing it. That girl up front is biting her lip for you man. You make girls wanna come...
Boney: But this people aren't that scary... don't look like the Spice Girls or anything... they're quite normal... *sees the SAME girl too* Hey, I'm hot. I'm really HOT. Bald but HOT...
Noel: Fuck! I can't see a thing with all this smoke around... and Liam is getting all the attention... but that bird's looking at me... *does his guitar solo* YEAH!! Who said Liam was the face in this band? I'm the handsome one.
Liam: I'm arsed. SHAG TIME!!!
Guigsy: I wonder why she picked me. I'm not the most popular... I'm really handsome, but not the most popular...
Boney: Oh, yeah. We're doing it when this fuckin' video is over.
Alan: Come 'ere, dahling, while I'm young and wild and rich and famous...
Noel: Hey, bird, you come with me, and I'll give you strawberries and cream...
*The video ends. They all run to the girl like mad*
Girl: Oh, guys, you rock. I was wondering if you would come to my house for some tea and cookies... *smirks*
Liam: Owwww, man.
Guigsy: YOO-HOO!
Boney: Thank you, God.
Alan: Any sex shop around here? I'm out of condoms...
Noel: ...AND MY LASAAAAGNAAAAAAA!!
Director: "Ok, guys, great job. Time to go to London and record the 'Don't Go Away' video."
*Nobody moves*
Director: "Come on, let's go!"
*5 loong minutes. Nobody moves*
Director: "Okay, enough. Stop pulling thoose faces and move your fat arses to the helicopter!! I'll give a ton of Gin & Tonic to each of you!!"
*For some strange bot strong reason, they move their fat arses to the helicopter, very pissed, as you may think*
Liam: *into a explosion of joy* YEAH!! WE'RE GETTING GIN & TONIC!!
Guigsy: It was too nice to be real.
Boney: I'm gonna cry.
Alan: Fuckin' bastard.
Noel: Damn you. She seemed to like lasagna.
Liam: *to the camera into the helicopter* YOU MADE IT!!! YEAH!!! G&T!!!

More video thoughts. Sent in by Audra, for the "All Around The World" video. (4/12/98)

Noel: Man, if I didn't piss off all the Beatles fans when I nicked the Imagine riff for Don't Look Back In Anger, this'll get to 'em!
Liam: Tell me I don't look like John Lennon. Go on, tell me.
Guigsy: Man, Liam sure does look like John Lennon.
Bonehead: I 'ate flying.This 'angover won't help me airsickness any.
Alan: Oh no! Those crumpled paper people are gonna get us! We're doomed! DOOMED!
Liam: Where's me bloody tamborine when I need it? If I threw it at one of 'em doll things, bet they'd be scared.
Bonehead: Maybe if I make a face at 'em, it'll scare 'em away.
Guigsy: Look at how funny Bonehead looks!
Noel: What the 'ell is Bonehead doin'?
Alan: No! Don't draw their fire! No,Bonehead, STOP!!!!!
Liam: It's gonna be ok...If I 'ad me tamborine. Bet Noel hid it on me so I wouldn't hit him in the 'ead.
Noel: Heh Heh.Look at Liam;can't find his tamborine.Looks like one of 'em lost kids at a department store.
Guigsy: Ok, what's the deal with all these little things all over the freakin' ship?It's really starting to get to me. Sure there's lots of neat things to play with and all....
Alan: AHH!A volcanoe monster!Are they trying to kill me?
Noel: (humming)I don't know....I don't know....Man! that sounds sooo familiar.
Liam: I know I left it around here somewhere.
Guigsy: Man, Liam looks freaked.
Alan: If I ever live to see me mam again, I'll never say anything bad about the Gallagher brothers ever again..or at least for a few minutes...
Noel: ...I don't know where I'm a gonna go...
Bonehead: Liam's gonna die soon if he doesn't find that tamborine soon.
Guigsy: Should I tell Liam where his tamborine is?...NAH!hee
Liam: It was funny for a while, butI really want my tamborine back.
Noel: ...when the volcano blows!Hey that sounds like me next hit single!!
Alan: Ok, those Gallagher's want me outta here..I wish they'd just disappear!
Bonehead: Hey, where'd Noel go?
Guigsy:Cool, Noel's flying with the angels.Gotta try some of that stuff!
Alan: Did I do that?
Liam: If he throws me tamborine out the spaceship...
Noel: la la la..I wish they gave me a little more room to stand up here.
Alan: Look!The hatch is opening!This is my chance to push Liam out the ship!I blew it in D'You Know What I Mean; Bonehead called me yeller.I'll show them!
Liam: Think me tamborine's out there?Well,jumping out of spaceships can't be any worse than jumping out of moving cars...
Guigsy: Someone should tell Liam his tamborine is right behind him before he does something crazy...NAH!
Bonehead: Alan' such a chicken!
Alan: Woah! I didn't even have to push him!
Noel:...pretendin' to fly,DYer wanna be a spaceman and live in the sky?
Guigsy: Who's flying this thing?
Bonehead: Peace at last!
Alan: Hey, I really miss those guys.
Noel: DAMMIT!Where the 'ell did that ladder come from?He was supposed to fall!!
Bonehead: Does anyone else find it strange that Noel and Liam just appear back on the ship?
Guigsy: Uh-oh, I know I've seen that look before...
Alan: Hey, Liam looks much happier all the sudden!
Noel: Why is Liam looking at me like that?
Liam:(with the cheshire cat grin on his face)Look what I found, Noel!!!!

MoRe



"What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Everywhere Else" is a product of *InSaNe EdItOr PoSsE, iNc.* ©, a subsidiary of KoRn KrEw: ThE sKaTeRz UnIoN ©, and is written exclusively by whatsthestory & morningglory - BBH editors, unless otherwise specified. ©1997, 1998.

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