This is gonna be yet another new section. On this section, we will ponder exactly what is going through the slightly demented minds of the members of Oasis whilst they're onstage. Haven't you always wondered what they're thinking when they're up there? Well, we're gonna play mind-reader and try to give you some idea.
Speaking of ideas, the idea for this section was given to me by Delia (also known as Oasis2124). These first thoughts were also given to me by her. I'll think of some just as soon as I have time, and you people are welcome to think of some as well.

For a continuation on this page (a new page including Oasis' thoughts Backstage, On the Road, In the Studio and While Making Videos), click here .(Updated: 11/26/97)


What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Onstage

Noel: Dear God, please allow me to escape Liam's wrath backstage after the show unharmed....
Bonehead: I need to concentrate..concentrate..concentrate..concentrate... oh damnit!
Alan: I really wish I hadn't eaten all those beans 5 minutes before the show...
Liam: I think my tamborine is broken! Oh my God! Oh my God what am I going to do!??????? (panic)
Guigsy: ...............
Tour Manager from side stage: I better go out in a few and make sure Guigsy is still alive..he hasn't blinked in about an hour and a half..that's a new record on his part..

Another set of thoughts, submitted by "Setsuna6".

Liam: If I aim just right, I'll bet I could knock Noel out by throwing my tamborine. Then I could sing.
Noel: I'll bet Liam's planning to hit me with his tamborine again. If he does, I'll throw my shoe at 'im. I really do need to get some of those steel toed boots....
Bonehead: They never let me sing any songs. I can sing just as good as either of them. I'm sure the crowd would love to hear my new song. "Bonehead's Arbor Day." It has a nice ring to it. Ah, yes, Bonehead, you are a genius. The world just doesn't appreciate your talent.
Guigsy: I should never have become a monk. This vow of silence is killing me!!
Alan: Why doesn't anyone pay attention to me? Look at all the fans with their I Love Liam and I Love Noel signs. A few minutes ago there was someone with a Bonehead shirt. Heck, somebody even had a Guigsy shirt. But nobody has an I Love Alan shirt. Of course not....I'm just the drummer....but then again, Ringo Starr got famous...but look at him now....I couldn't see myself on Shining Time Station in about twenty years...

More onstage thoughts, submitted by Kira.

Liam: Where's my beer?
Bonehead: Geez, I guess I'm in style now...seems that Liam shaves his head, then Noel. Everyone is looking at me right now and thinking "Look at that handsome guy! He's got fashion on his mind."
Guigsy: When will I shock the world by saying a word?
Liam: I can't find my dang beer....
Liam: *smashes Noel upside the head with le tamborine*
Noel: Ouch.
Liam: Dang.
Noel: That hurt...after all...why isn't Liam singing?
Liam: Ah, there it is.

Okay, I've done it. I've found the time. Thoughts by the BBH editors.

Noel: This is going well. Liam hasn't done a thing to me all night. He looks a little spaced. I told him not to watch all those Monty Python movies before the show.
Liam: Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all...oops, I forgot the next line to "Champagne Supernova!" Oh, I'll just sing "A champagne supernova up yer bum." They'll never notice. Woah! Look at that great girl in the third row! She's looking right at........Noel??!! *throws tamborine and knocks Noel down* Now she's looking at me.
Bonehead: Whoops, there goes Noel again. Guess I owe Alan a dollar. I really thought Liam'd be too tired to hit Noel tonight, after all those Python movies he watched before the show. Dum-de-dum-dum.....you know, I wish I was smart, like my cousin Blockhead. Me mum always liked him, just because he was smart. It's not my fault I'm.....*Liam's tamborine ricochets off of Noel and bashes Bonehead* Wait! Stop the show! I've just thought of a cure for cancer!
Guigsy: Alright. Tonight's the night. I'm gonna say something. They all think I can't do it. Right after this song, I'm gonna march right up to that mike, and I'm gonna scream my head off. I'm gonna tell them how it is. I'll show them who's boss in this band. Alright. Song's over. Here I go....
Liam: What in God's name is Guigsy doing?
Noel: Why is Guigsy standing at the mike making all those funny squeaking noises?
Bonehead: Am I getting some feedback in my guitar?
Alan: Uh-oh. Guigsy's trying to talk again. I told him to give that up.
Guigsy: Well, I tried. I'll try it again next week.
Alan: I could start my own band. Alan White and the Pips. Alan and the Heartbreakers. Maybe I could just go solo. Alan Ant. No, I think all those are taken. Why does Liam always get to be the one to throw stuff? *fires a drumstick and smacks Liam in the back of the head*
Liam: What was that?? I've been shot!! There must be a riot! *falls to the floor*
Guigsy: What in God's name is Liam doing?
Noel: Stupid drunken sot. He can't even stand up.
Bonehead: e=mc squared, two plus the square root of four is two less than the diameter of an isoceles triangle....
Guigsy: This is my chance! I'll sing!
Alan: There goes Guigsy again. I have to stop him! *chunks other drumstick at Guigsy*
Guigsy: *falls*
Bonehead: ...plus the remainder of the fraction...what happened to the band?
Noel: Why is Alan playing the drums with his hands?! Those aren't bongos, you idiot!
Liam: Noel! I must save Noel from the assassins! *dives over and tackles Noel*
Noel: Boy, this is one great....Ahhhhh! *falls*
Bonehead: Is this part of the act? Why didn't anyone tell me! *falls over*
Alan: At last! Alan White - In Concert!!

Another set of thoughts, submitted by A. Dawn Howell.

Liam: This concert's going alright I guess. I just wish that I had a drink right now, me throat is parched from singing so much. Oh I won't be able to buy any more g&t's until after another concert because Patsy went and bought one of "Princess Di's" gowns that were just auctioned off. And now she thinks she can drag me to some fancy dress party so she can wear the bloody thing. I'll just tell that woman....
Noel: Now after the next concert I'll just make a trip over to see Meg to see how she's doing settling into the house in the country. I hope she's taking care of herself because I don't want any baby of mine messed up by the wrong things. Maybe I'll take her on tour with me, Paul and Linda McCartney did the same after they were married. Of course though Meg might get motion sick again especially cause she has one in the oven.
Bonehead: What I need is a decent shower and meal especially after spending time performing. Now my Kate called me up and said she had some exciting news. If it is what I think it is....I knew the band shouldn't have spent so much time retooling at home this winter...and I know I shouldn't have taken her on that holiday in the tropics a while back....
Guigsy: I wish I could just get out of here for a little bit. My head hurts, and I want to get back to Ruth 'cause she's the only one who understands me. I don't want to go back into my depression again or they'll replace me again, then there's the baby to worry about now. Baby...I guess we should of used better birth control on the honeymoon. Oh I'm still trying to pay for that, and only Noel gets most of the money cause he writes all the songs. No wonder I don't talk, I have too much to worry about.
Alan: Boy am I hot tonight! But I'm also a little bored because I never get to stand up or stretch at all. Poor Emma she tripped and fell and hurt her beautiful arm and leg just 'cause she insists on dressing like a "Pop"Tart"" with her mates and wear 24 cm. platform shoes. I'd told her she'd hurt herself but she didn't listen. Well maybe I'll go on down to visit her soon and nurse her back to health. I'll get my cousin from the States, Jarrod Richter to take my place. My aunt said we look enough alike and can play the drums (well sorta). That would trick them. Then I'll ask Emma to marry me so that the only "Baby Spice" she'll know is baby powder, nappies, and a Silver Cross pram, oh and ammonia, things all women should know. Make her become a mom and wife and only be a "jiggly tart" for me at home, not in public, like now. The way she acts embarrasses me (but I won't admit it or Liam and the guys would rib me like everything).

And here's a few thoughts by K. Stevens:

Liam: Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy...
Noel: The thoughts Liam must think on fame reminds so much of a dog's thoughts it's frightening the fook out of me. He gets so excited just seeing the microphone I can tell by looking at his face.
Alan: That has got to be the 50th time Noel's rolled his eyes tonight.
Guigsy: Someday they'll all realize I don't say anything because I have so much activity in me brain I barely have time to speak and there are so many voices in my head and I'm really thinking all the time but I have nothing to say to them because little do they know I'm so smart that I can read all their minds and someday they shall understand... I'd like to be under the sea but I'd probably need a phone... There, bad lyrics always help clear me head.
Bonehead: I'm sooo bored...
Meg (backstage): Liam better keep that tambourine in his hand.
Patsy (backstage): Ha, Meggie, I got the cute one.
Scott McLeod (in audience): Why, oh why, did I go home during the US tour? Noel shoulda taken me back, and I'm better looking than he is anyway.
Guigsy: I heard that.
Liam: Ooh, strobe lights...all the pretty colors...(yells into mic) D'You know whort I mean mates! Yeah, yeah!
Bonehead: No wonder people think Liam's a total druggie. Ooer, he just fell off the stage, hey, maybe I can sing now. I'm sooo bored.
Noel: Heh...daft little twat. Time to take over the vocals again, I presume...no wonder Howard Stern called me the stable Gallagher...(sings, staring out at Liam) I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.
Alan (thinking at the same time as Noel): 51, 52, 53...don't his eyeballs get tired?
Bonehead: Damn.
Guigsy: I'm a reader not a speaker anyway and they all think I don't have a thought going through me head but I contemplate more than all of them put together and they all think I'm a living corpse but someday they'll know the truth and they'll be sorry for ever doubting the man that is Guigsy! Buggery bullocks I can't concentrate on my bass playing... 'an old man turned 98, he won the lottery and died the next day...an innit ironic, dontcha think?' Ah. Silence.
Bonehead: Oh God, I'm bored...Why won't Noel give me a solo?
Billy Corgan (in audience): Bonehead should take lessons on taking over bands from me.
Damon Albarn (in audience): I could get inta this.
Thom Yorke (in audience): Ughhh. This is so depressing.
Paul McCartney (in audience): I really like that Noel character, he's almost as handsome as me and if you play "Whatever" backwards I heard that it says "The Beatles are tops."
Alan: I wonder if Liam's ever gonna sit up.
Liam: Duh...hey! Wot's going on here? Why's Noel singin! Hrmm...where am I? Oh, who cares...it's pretty down here. Nighty night.
Noel: *Seeing an opportunity he kicks Liam's tambourine on top of his head*
Liam: Eh? Wha? Uh?
The rest of Oasis: Geez. We get to ride back on the tour bus with those two.

And some more by us editors:

Liam: Why is Noel standing behind Alan?
Noel: I'm not as dumb as I look. If he thinks I'm coming out there to be pelted with that bloody tamborine anymore, he's crazy. I'm safer back here.
Guigsy: Oh no. I think those people in my head who talk to me are coming back...
Bonehead: Where's Noel? Oh, there he is. What's the matter with Guigsy? He looks like he's fixing to have a seizure!
Alan: I wish Noel would get out from behind me. He makes me nervous. Besides, if Liam still tries to throw his tamborine at him, it'll hit me! What's with Guigsy?
Guigsy: Go away voices! (Voice #1) "No way, Guigsy. We're not going anywhere." (Voice #2) "If you want me to leave you alone, Guigsy, I'll go." (Voice #1) "Alright, go and leave him to me!" (Voice #2) "On second thought, no!" (Voice #1) "Yes!" (Voice #2) "No!"
Noel: Why is Guigsy twitching like that? I told him to cut down to 36 joints a day.
Liam: I think that kid in the audience has a gun! *runs over and slaps a target onto Noel's head*
Noel: What the.... *gunshot* Ping! *the gunshot barely misses Noel and hits one of Alan's cymbals*
Alan: I think I'm going to have a cardiac arrest!
Liam: Dang it! How could that stupid kid miss?! I gave him a perfect shot! Oh well, the guards have got him now, too late. What is wrong with Guigsy?
Guigsy: (Voice #1) "Guigsy. Oh Guiiigsy." I'm not listening to you! (Voice #1) "Sure you are Guigsy. Hey Guigsy. Go stage dive." (Voice #2) "Guigsy! Don't you dare go stage dive!" (Voice #1) "Don't listen to him, Guigsy. It'll be fun. Stage dive." (Voice #2) "Don't do it Guigsy! You could be killed!" (Voice #1) "Yeah, but you'd die having fun, wouldn't you? Go on. You know you want to."
Bonehead: Boy, with the way Guigsy's twitching, he's sure laying down some mean bass licks. I wonder if he knows that. Man, that gunshot a minute ago almost parted my hair! Oh wait....
Noel: Man! Listen to Guigsy go! I guess I should pump him full of drugs before EVERY show. Now to plot my revenge against Liam for trying to get me shot...
Alan: Oh no! If Guigsy gets good too, that'll mean I'll be even less noticed than I am now! What'll I do?
Liam: Noel's got that "Now to plot my revenge against Liam for trying to get me shot" look. I hate that look. I'd better be ready for 'im. Boy, Guigsy could have a solo career after tonight!
Guigsy: (Voice #1) "Do it, Guigsy! Stage dive!" (Voice #2) "Guigsy, be reasonable! It's dangerous!" Could you guys please shut up! People are looking at me for once! I'd like to enjoy it while it lasts. (Voice #2) "That's right, Guigsy. Enjoy it here on stage, where it's safe." (Voice #1) "No, Guigsy! They love you! Look at them! Stage dive! Show them how cool you really are! Show the guys!" You're right! I'll do it!
Bonehead: Where's Guigsy going?! Is he insane?
Alan: I think Guigsy's drunk. Oh well, if he falls off the stage, that'll be the end of his moment in the spotlight.
Noel: If I sneak up behind him, put him in a sleeper hold and....Guigsy?!
Guigsy: *runs to the edge of the stage, flings his guitar down and leaps into the crowd*
Liam: Woah! Guigsy was so stoned he thought he could fly. Aaah! Here comes Noel!
Noel: I've got him now! *chases Liam to the edge of the stage*
Liam: *standing on the edge* Don't come any closer Noel!
Noel: Hey Liam! There's a girl in the front row and she's naked!
Liam: Where!!? *Liam whirls around to look, loses his balance and falls off the stage*
Noel: Hahaha. What a sucker. *as he is walking back, he trips over Liam's beer can and falls into the crowd*
Bonehead: Woah! Stage diving? Now this is definitely something we did not discuss at rehearsal. Oh well, when in Rome... *dives off the stage*
Alan: You know, I don't know why I worry at all. Every time I think it's gonna be a bad show, I end up doing a solo concert! Life is good.

And even more thoughts by Anthony Van Pham:

Noel: If I could get all my money, and lay out the bills side by side to form a trail, it would be really long... that would be cool.
Liam: Why did I marry Patsy? I mean, sure I slept with her, adopted her son, drank 17 G&T's, came on to her sister, then drove my scooter through her living room into her pool...man what was I thinking that night.
Guigsy: Where the hell am I?
Liam: I mean getting married? Right after the Spice Girls said they thought I was cute. If I could only have one night with all five. Wait that's wrong...I wouldn't need the whole night and that would keep the line from moving.
Bonehead: I'm thirty-two and I still have a nickname. That's just gotta stop! Who am I kidding, I'm gonna be called this for the rest of my life. Maybe if I thought up nicknames for the other guys no one would tease me.
Guigsy: No seriously, where?
Alan: Tell me I need to sit in the back, tell me I talk funny, tell me I'm the most talented...wait a second that's good.
Noel: If I could by any type of animal, I would be a beetle. Then I could tell people without lying that I'm a beatle...that would be cool.
Guigsy: I'm getting scared, I know I know. I'll just smoke the happy stick that takes me off to the magical place again.
Bonehead: Guigsy...well that's easy, he'll be Hairhead! Oh and Liam...well that's easy, he'll be Hairhead. And Noel, he'll be...oh, now I know why they won't let me write songs.
Alan: If Tony McCarroll started his own band, and I beat him up and took over...that would be cool...my god I've even started to think like Noel.
Noel: Tell me I can't be the lead singer, tell me Liam's prettier than me, tell me I need to...wait a second, what the hell is going on here. (looking at Alan scared)
Fox Mulder (in the crowd): Look Scully, Noel Gallagher and Alan White are in a mind nexus, absorbing each other's thoughts. This could only mean one thing. My suspicions are true! Oasis are aliens!
Scully (beside him): Shut up Mulder.

Here is what Oasis is pondering according to Cristiana:

Noel: Well, let's see, 100,000 people at £50 each, with the merchandise and all, that's...that's...that's a lot!!! I'm even richer than before!!! Suckers!!!
Liam: Ohoh, Noel's got a £ all over his face! Now is my chance to try to smash Noel's head with my brand new golden tamborine!!!
Bonehead: There goes Liam...maybe now I can sing!!! Then they will know that I am more brilliant than Liam and Noel together, and they will adore me!!!
Alan: No one understands me. I stay back here, play the drums all night long, get lousy money...man, I hope Liam hits hard on Noel!!!
Liam: *goes up to Noel and tries to hit him*
Noel: *starts to run*
Liam: *falls into the crowd*
Damon Albarn (in the crowd): Hey, I want his shirt!!!
Patsy (backstage): Don't take his pants!!!
Meg (backstage): You know, Liam does have cute legs...
Guigsy: Now it's the time. I'm going to the mic and I'm going to say something and I will be all over the newspapers. I can see the headlines now: GUIGSY'S THE BOSS, THE GUIGSY'S BAND, LIAM AND NOEL WHO?...
Noel: C'mon Liam let's have it!
Liam: *climbs to the stage* You stupid twat!!! I'm gonna get yer!!!
Noel: Why are you pissed off? I'm the one who should be pissed off because ma always liked you more than she liked me!!!
Liam: I'm mad fer it! Besides, I'm the one with the tamborine!!!
Noel: But I'm the one with the guitar and I'm gonna smash it up yer bum to see if you like it!!!
Guigsy: Well, I have to prepare a speech...Let's see..."When I was 3 years old..."
Bonehead: Now I'm really going to sing!! *goes to mic*
Damon Albarn (in the crowd): Liam, watch out for Bunehead, Bonehead, whatever his name is!!!
Liam: Noel, we have to stop Bonehead!!! Maybe you can punch me later!
Noel: Oh my God, if Bonehead sings people will run away and they will ask for refunds...Oh NO!! Bonehead, don't do it!!!
Alan: I'm sick of this...I mean, I don't get the attention I should get. It's not fair!!! I'm out of here!!! And they will have to beg me to return! Hahaha!!
Alien1 (in the crowd): These...what are they called...people, are very strange!!!
Alien2 (in the crowd): Yeah, but I was almost certain that Liam guy was one of us undercover!!!

More onstage thoughts, written by Shawna Ross.

Noel: Uh oh, Liam's doing that "crouch-and-stare-at-the-audience" thing again. And everybody thinks he's far-sighted! Hah! He probably just drank too much G&T.
Liam: Porta Potty. Porta Potty. Ach, I can't stand this. God I need a Porta Potty.
Guigsy: I don't get it. I just don't get it! I mean, Liam stares at the audience and they go wild...I stare at the audience and they think I'm high!! Hey, wait....I am high!!!
Liam: Why didn't I stop after the 4th G&T??!! Why? Hey, is that a Porta Potty? Oh never mind, it's my minder...I did drink too much.
Bonehead: Someone really oughta tell Liam about the bathroom in his dressing room...Oh, well, he'll live...maybe...
Noel: God this is fun watching him suffer...heh heh heh...pays him back for that time he stole my Barbies...
Liam: Potty....need.......po...tty....help....meee
Alan: OK, think Alan think, how would Lassie help Liam? What would Lassie do? *barks* Hmm...that didn't help...but it sure was fun...*barks* *barks again* Heheheh...*barks repeatedly*
The Band: *stares at Alan*
Liam: And I thought I drank too much!!

Here's some thoughts from Katherine, the President of the N.L.C.

Liam: I'm sure it was John Lennon who appeared in my cornflakes this morning. I know it was him. Or maybe it was some milk gone sour. No, I know it was him. It's a sign. He wants me to take over Oasis.
Noel: I'm such a genius. How DO I do it? I never cease to amaze myself. Come to think of it. I'm pretty cute too. All this talk of Liam being the good-looking one. I'll have none of that!
Guigsy: ..............
Bonehead: Guigs must've blanked out again. He's got that look in his eyes again. (Gives Guigs a swift kick in the bum)
Guigsy: Huh? Wha-? (Shakes his head) Oh, sod it, I've lost my place. What were we playing again? Supersonic? Supernova-uh...er...forget it...
Paul Gallagher (backstage): The "other" Gallagher brother er? That's what they call me is it? More like the "original" Gallagher brother. Yes, that's fitting. I don't understand it. I worked my arse off for years while Noel and Liam sat on theirs and now this? They're rich and famous and I'm nobody? Should've joined the Spice Girls when they offered. Drat.
Guigsy: I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving. I'll go and live out my dream to be a park ranger. Yes, all's peaceful in the great outdoors. (Puts down his guitar and walks to the front of the stage)
Bonehead: Oh what now...what's he gonna try THIS time?
Alan: Here we go again...
Guigsy: (Announces triumphantly) "Guigsy the park ranger! Friend to all the little animals! One with nature! Oh I'm a lumberjack and...er..." No that's Monty Python. Damn it! Too much talking and not enough doing. (Begins to walk offstage)
Noel: "Wait! Guigsy, come back! We need you!"
Bonehead: He can't leave! "Guigsy!"
Liam: He's leaving? Nooooo!
(All three run after Guigsy and try to stop him)
Alan: What? Yeah, he's leaving...and what if I left? Would they care? Well don't be silly Alan. Of course they would. They need you! I'll prove it! (Gets up and begins to walk away)
(Liam grabs Guigsy's leg while Noel and Bonehead beg and plead with him)
Noel: "C'mon Guigs, you don't reeeally want to be a park ranger do ya?"
Alan: Look see, here I go...Helloooo? Why don't they do anything? Any minute now...Can't they see I'm leaving?
Guigsy: No, they can't change my mind. Nice to see 'em grovel though.
Alan: (Walks past the others) I'm leaving. They can't stop me!...(stops) Are they blind??? (Stomps his feet) Lookit me! Lookit me! I've had it! This is Whitey your ever-so-talented and unappreciated drummer speaking! I'm packin' it in!
Paul Gallagher: Look at them. What a mess. Look at Whitey, sobbing and stomping his feet like a baby. I could do better than that. Hell, I'll take over the band! I can do it! (Imagines his life in Oasis. Pictures crowds of fans basking in his presence) Heh, heh, 'Liam and Noel who?' they'll ask. Yes, that's what I'll do. (Takes the stage and picks up Noel's guitar) Now how do yer work this soddin' thing?
Audience Member: (Shouts, pointing at Paul) "My God! Noel's gone and swallowed Liam!"
(gasps of shock and horror throughout the building)
Paul Gallagher: He has? He- hey! Me? Well I'm not THAT big am I?
Noel: What the 'ell is Our Paul up to? Thinks he can take over MY band does he? (Dives at Paul and knocks him down) "Yeeeeeeaaargh!!"
Paul: I'm just big-boned, I-"ACK!"
Liam: What? Huh? Wha- Paul thinks he can take over MY band does he? (Dives at Noel and Paul) I'll help you Noel! (Kicks Noel out of the way. Tackles Paul.)
Bonehead: Now this is sad. Maybe Guigs'll let me become a park ranger with him. I'm off!

Here's some onstage thoughts by Jen:

Liam: This is pretty cool. We're in Earl stinkin' Courts flippin' again. Oh well it's pretty cool.
Noel: (Looking out at the fans) I love this concert, everybody out in the crowd is great, the band's great, Liam's great...What am I thinking?
Guigsy: .....Help...Need...More...Drugs...
Bonehead: Boy does Guigsy look spaced out. I told him not to smoke all his drugs last night, but did he listen? No. Nobody ever listens to me. Not even me wife.
Alan:(head bangin' ) Man this is great, feel the rush
Liam:(Looking back at Alan) what a freak. Hey look Noel isn't paying attention to what is happenin' on stage. I can bash 'im now!!!
Noel: I love this concert. Oh-no Liam's gonna try and bash me along side of the head now.
Liam *comes running along*
Noel *steps back*
Liam *falls in the crowd* I hate you!!!
Noel: I never liked you much either
Alan:(stops head banging) Whoo, now I got a headache
Bonehead: Great I owe Alan 50 bucks!

For more interpretations of what Oasis is thinking onstage, go here:
"What Are They Thinking? Oasis - Onstage: Part 2"



Oasis: I wonder what GeoCities actually is. Maybe it's an all-powerful being like the Wizard of Oz...more likely it's just some big, conceited corporation.