Ivan...Borkified!

I hear you. You're sitting there, scratching your head, yelling, "What the hell is borkified?!? And what did you do to Ivan?!" at your computer screen. Either that, or you're running away screaming about how psycho the Triumvirate is and how much they scare you. Either way, you know you want to read this and find out what's going on.

"Borkified" words are those that are translated into Swedish Chef speak. You remember the Swedish Chef, right? The goofy guy on the Muppets that tried to make "meat loafers" and "spring chicken stew", and you had absolutely no clue what he was saying? Yeah, him. That guy over there on the left. (I think at this point, he was attempting to make Chocolate Moose.) And nothing happened to Ivan. You have my solemn word that no Ivans were harmed in the making of this page. Trust me, I did not want to get the ASPCI on my back (that stands for "American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Ivan", in case you were wondering.)

You're also probably wondering where I found this stuff. Well, if you go to Jessica's Home Page and check out her "Cool Things from A-Z" List, under S you'll find the Swedish Chef link that takes you to the borkifier. Try out some of your own phrases and see what you get. It's pretty cool (hence the reason Jess has it on her page in the first place.)

Anyway, I'm hoping to add more as time goes on, but here's the list of phrases for now. They're in alphabetical order by the first letter of the first word in the phrase. English translations are provided as well. (I have absolutely nothing else to do today, in case you couldn't tell.) =)

Triumvirate Generals' Warning: No studies have proven borked language to be conducive to any educational endeavors, or that they make you smarter or are even in the slighest bit useful in your life, but then again, there aren't any studies that prove otherwise either. They are at the very least, however, amusing, especially if you imagine them in or try to say them in the Swedish Chef voice. Thank you, and on with the borking.

~~~E~~~

Ell thees telk ebuoot sex is mekeeng me-a reelly...tured.
(trans: All this talk about sex is making me really...tired.)

Ere-a yuoo my noo gurlffreeend? I moost be-a zee loockeeest buy in zee vurld!
(trans: Are you my new girlfriend? I must be the luckiest boy in the world!)

~~~H~~~

Hey, reed thees screp! (trans: Hey, read this scrap!)

Here-a, teke-a meene-a. I hefe-a tu vetch my veeeght 'cooz I'm cepteeen ooff zee

besketbell teem.
(trans: Here, take mine. I have to watch my weight 'cuz I'm captain of the

basketball team.)

~~~I~~~

Ifun Doodynsky is a gud. (trans: Ivan Dudynsky is a god.)

~~~S~~~

Streeke-a. (trans: Strike.)

Su deed I spell it reeght Kluppmun? (trans: So did I spell it right, Kloppman?)

~~~T~~~

Thees set is surt ooff ixeestentiel. Yuoo see-a, thees cullege-a here-a is sooppused tu

represent a meecrucusm ooff zee persunel iffffects ooff zee mudern nooclear

femeely.
(trans: This set is sort of existential. You see, this collage here is supposed to

represent a microcosm of the personal effects of the modern nuclear

family.)

~~~V~~~

Vhee my leeffe-a gets me-a su doon,
I knoo I cun gu doon,
To vhere-a zee mooseec und zee foon nefer ind
Es lung es zee mooseec keeps pleyeeng
Yuoo knoo vhet I'm seyeeng
I knoo thet I cun feend a freend
Doon et zee Ruoondhuoose-a! (trans: the Roundhouse theme song)

Veke-a up, veke-a up, it's a neeto dey,
Vhee zee soon cumes oooot it's teeme-a tu pley!
(trans: Wake up, wake up, it's a neato day,
When the sun comes out it's time to play!)

You've been borked; come back again! When I get bored again (which is pretty often, actually) expect to see more phrases up here. If you have a phrase you'd like borked, e-mail Ali and tell her what it is.

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