Shanghai Surprise

Yes questions his relationship with Alissa; Veronica questions Pawel's sexual orentation.

Analysis

Club Med at Sea, for the heck of it can't seem to break this long running-odd numbered loser streak! And now the evens as of late are slumping to the average scale, which suggest the season's on life-support. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that this duller than dirt pointless tripe takes home the award for worst episode of the season. It's one of those runaway headless chicken type plots which manipulates, insults, and doesn't make enough sense to buy a stick of gum!

I'm not even going to remotely attempt to summarize this mess; In fact, since I have a top five scale for my excellent shows, it's only customary that I share with you the top five reasons this puppy gets a 0:

• 5.) B-M hits a 7.2 on the scum scale this week with its careless exploitation of the Kosovo conflict; with repeated stock footage of fighter jets dropping bombs spontaneously through out the show in an almost glorifying manner. Oh, never mind the fact that there're actual people dying under those explosion, all that matters to the B-M Collective is that this plot device delivers ratings. Besides, there are more pressing issues to worry about: like Clueless's tan line, speaking of which.....

• 4.) Clueless just isn't content unless there's some sort of accusation flying around, so she blindly accuses Pawel of being gay despite the fact we've never seen any evidence of that. But fortunately for Clueless Pawel isn't the flamer type; and you all know what happened when Irene called Stephen a homosexual! Between this and the conflict with Ayanna in, "Hot Voodoo" it's a wonder Clueless hasn't gotten her butt kicked long before now for spreading false accusations about people; but I guess there's always a first time for everything!

• 3.) Why was it necessary to waste valuable screen time on pointless filler shots of the ship, waves, sunsets, student leisure/slacker activities, Clueless laying out like a side of bacon- cock teasing jelly brain jocks, etc... As if the Borg Modified Editors couldn't drudge up crap for this episode, and chose this instead. Well... I rest my case.

• 2.) Gee, that green friendship bracelet practically became a simi-character in its self (thought I seen the last of those things in junior high)! And what was the point? In one scene it's on Alissa's arm, then it mysteriously turns up at that lame opera show. It was like a bad S.A.S version of "Where's Waldo"!

• And the #1 reason this episode gets a 0: After three mere episodes, I'm sick of this Smooth Operator/Alissa skit already! Watching these type of relationship development plots would be simi-interesting if there was a new spin put on it... Yet Another Real Rules Character comes to a crossroad in their relationship [TM]. Here it's not only a worn out cliché, but it's also a immature one at that which presses the envelop on teeny bopper flings to the point where it makes Saved by the Bell romance look like Melrose Place! For instance one scene where Alissa's pissed at S.O for not returning the favor when she casually told him that she loved him while passing each other in the hallway. At which point I moaned, "No, no, not again!" since the last time I heard that type of dialog was in HS; In fact, this S.O/Alissa thing is more like a high school crush than a mature relationship.... running full steam on emotion as apposed to rational thinking. Take for example at the end of the show where S.O's worried sick over the welfare of Alissa who's safely tucked away on the ship no less! Plus, was there a doubt in anyone's mind that anyone on the ship was in any danger at any time (like this show could ever be that interesting)! And after a terrorizing ordeal of the unknown, our young lovers passionately embrace each other in the halls of the ship. I must say, I was so moved I wanted to throw up!

• Factual Error: In a scene intended to appear as concurrent with the other events in the episode, S.A.S announced that the bombing of Kosovo had begun; but in actuality the bombing campaign began on March 26th which would've placed the S.S. Spring Break's location somewhere between South Africa, and Kenya. No where near Asia, never mind China!

• Consistency: This episode may in fact go down in history as the worst edited show of the season! There were at least a half a dozen scenes where S.O's hair color switched from bleach to black, then back again (It was truly painful on the eyes). Plus you know a season's in trouble when your reviews are dominated by editing goofs, speaking of which...

• M.I.A: For all of their blunders, I have to give the editors partial credit for making Marlene virtually disappear from the screen this week (now if they'll get to work on Clueless I may overlook their grimy track record in my recap)! I mean she only got one cameo appearance, and not a very long one at that! It was like, "Don't sneeze or you'll miss Pua this week!".

• S.A.S Unintelligence: Why would S.A.S officials still give the go ahead to dock in Shanghai after the state department's warning on travel to China? You'd think any comity with their heads on straight would opt to by pass China all together for the safety of the students, but noooo! They dock anyway and give the kids some passive advice on exercising caution while in port! God forbid anything happened to them S.A.S would have a major lawsuit on their hands! Note: Not that anyone was in any immediate danger from the start, just some food for thought.

• Slick Willy: Oh, and those close up shots of the protesters which B-M claims ownership to is actual stock footage from CNN. Now I'm no legal eye, but isn't there some sort of copyright infringement law on that sort of stuff? C'mon B-M, tell your lazy/sissy camera buffs to go get their own damn footage or I'm writing a nasty letter to Ted Turner!

• Al (...Start Getting Real)
• John (Real World Hawai'i: An Episodic Analysis)
• Bran (Real Tv)
• Kim (Real World Summaries)
• Jill (The Real World - Hawaiian Style)
• Ashley (Real World/Road Rules Hot Spots)
• Shtick & Andy (Real World Diary)
• Erin (Road Rules Semester at Sea)
• The artist formerly known as "CC" (Get Real World 8)
• Local Chicks (Real World Hawaii)
• Kelley/WildGuy (Road Rules Online)
• Paco (The Real World Web)
• Billy & Tracy (These are Road Rules)
• Mrs. Filthy (The "Real World" Review)
• Damitol/Ajax (The Real World Blows)
• Mario (RW Hawaii & RR Semester at Sea)