-[ statistical analysis ]-
-[ cerebral scan ]-
-[ image archive ]-
-[ contacts ]-
-[ apocalypse ]-
-[ journal ]-
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-[ the four horsemen of the apocalypse ]-
The Bible speaks of the end days, when great banes to humanity sweep across the face of the planet, bringing misery and agony to all touched by their dark, diabolical tentrils ...
Here now is my documentation of this prophecy, manifest in the present! The end of time is nigh, repent, I tell ye, REPENT!
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-[ the horsewoman of pestilence ]- |
-[ celine dion ]-
At a pivotal moment in history, Celine Dion spawned her blight on the music world, sending forth a plague of brainless overplayed "hits." The shame of Canada, rivaled only by the invented Shania Twain (come on, a country singer from Canada?!), this import from Quebec made her hair bigger and puffier for each "song" that infected the unwary airwaves.
Among the deadliest strains of her pestilence was My Heart Will Go On, which went on ... and on ... and on ... and on ... repeatedly and unceasingly on radios the world over. Beating her chest in angry hysterics, she made ears bleed, children scream, and compelled all that was holy to flee before the dark cloud that was ...
Celine Dion.
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-[ the horseman of war ]- |
-[ the home depot (aka the hell depot) ]-
This amorphous commercial entity, personified by the deceivingly innocuous Home Depot Man, is the bane to many a person on the weekends. It lulls the weakest link of each family with its promise of gardening "fun" and home improvement "inspiration."
The unsuspecting victim is drawn into its horrific walls, and then spat out with tools of torture: fertilizer, paint, nails, shovels, etc. And then, still in a brainwashed daze, this acolyte returns to the home, forcing other members of the family to take up the yoke and participate in needless home and garden activities. Thus, the Home Depot insidiously ushers forth entire days of interpersonal conflicts and resentment (aka, war)!
Damn you, Hell Depot Man, damn you!
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-[ the horsewoman of famine ]- |
-[ christina aguilera ]-
Terrifying and grotesque is the Horsewoman of Famine. As her body shrinks to unimaginable levels of emaciation, her head grows and grows, becoming, in itself, a monster in its own right, balancing precariously atop a twelve-year- old's rail-thin body. To better illustrate the horror she will bring, she wears skimpy, glittery pieces of cloth as garments to reveal, in person, the ravages of famine.
Reader be forewarned! Enjoy that kung pao chicken and burrito while you can ... for soon the demon Christina Aguilera, a netherworldy banshee, shall scream your food into withered submission!
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-[ the horseman of death ]- |
-[ george w. bush ]-
Whether it be the death of intelligence, the death of national pride, or the death of presidential authority, George W. Bush, the master of "Bushisms" (misquotes and general conversational stupidity), is perhaps the most powerful of the Four Horsemen; his words are quoted throughout the world, his every misstep announced (to the chagrin of Americans everywhere), and his ability to transform into a chimp and various other primates make him a force to be reckoned with.
Do not underestimate him! Or perhaps, as I should say in his native tongue, do not misunderestimate him.
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