(CUTE VOICE: Will whole story be this senseless?)
	(NOTE: I'm afraid so.)
	Ranma barges into the sheriff's office carrying a piece of the Masaki
van's steering wheel.  He throws it down in the middle of the room and
shouts, "Just look what that idiot Ryouga did!"
	He raises his eyebows in confusion when he sees a cute girl with short,
blonde hair reclining in the chair behind the sheriff's desk, her hands
clasped comfortably behind her head and her feet propped up on the desktop.
 She is wearing a baggy, hot red, leather jacket that is completely open in
the front, almost hanging off her shoulders, revealing boldly that
underneath she is wearing only a black dog collar about her neck and a red,
studded leather bra to cover her small but well-sculpted breasts.  Her legs
are covered with a black, leather stocking and her hot red boots match her
jacket and bra.  *That was a very enlightening description if I do say so
myself.  Do you happen to have any photos lying around?* (NOTE: Thank you,
and no.  Shampoo.  Is 'you know who' still securely bound in the
stageropes?) (CUTE VOICE: No need worry.  Washu watch old freak for us.)
(NOTE: Cool.  I owe her.)
	The cute girl glances in Ranma's direction and half-smiles.  "You Ranma?
Seen your television series.  You're cuter in person.  The name's Naomi
Armitage.  What seems to be the problem?"
	Ranma just stares and stutters a bit, unable to form any kind of coherent
sentence.  "Er... uh... y'see... well, ther... uh... you're...."
	(CHEF'S NOTE: STOP GAUKING AT THAT LITTLE TRAMP AND GET ON WITH THE
SCRIPT!  Jackass!)
	Ranma shakes his head, then fills his head with new emotion.  He
overdramatically slams his fists onto the desktop, being careful not to
damage the prop, and growls, "Ryouga destroyed my van!  Now I'm stuck in
this stupid, cliche town!"  Ranma glances over the desk and realizes that
he can see up the inside leg of her bright red shorts--and she's not
wearing panties (how embarrassing).  He stares upward and blushes. 
	Armitage pretends not to notice, but smiles anyway.  "The Genom Gang's
been giving you a hard time, huh?  Too bad.  Y'know what I'm going to do
about it.  Absolutely nothing."
	Ranma coldly stares at her.  "What do you mean nothing?"
	Armitage sets her feet back on the floor and puts her face directly in
his.  "Precisely that.  I can wipe out every single gangster in this town
anytime I want to, but then that would ruin the story.  You're the hero in
this flick, so it's your show."  She smoothly places her hand over his and
nudged up to his shoulder.  "You wanna go out for Chinese later?"  Ranma
shivers.
	Ranma glances to the left and sees Mr. Panda reclining at his own desk by
the jail cells.  "Hey, Pop.  What're you doing here?  I didn't see you when
I walked in."
	Ranma's eyes are mysteriously drawn back to the Armitage, who is still
clinging warmly to his arm.  She smiles and nods slyly.  "Mmm hmm."
	He shivers again, then nervously turns back to the panda.  "This... this
isn't what you think.  Um.  Y'know how all these girls keep showing up,
sayin they're my fiancee...."
	Armitage softly coos, "More than one, eh.  You'll have to introduce me."
Ranma gasps.
	The panda doesn't even seem to acknowledge his presence.  Armitage offers,
"He doesn't talk much."
	Ranma rolls his eyes.  "Gee, I wonder why."  He speaks up, "Why don't you
just change back to your human form?"
	The panda holds up a sign {Water's a little scarce in these parts}. He
flips the sign over and it reads {Got to conserve}.
	"Uh, yeah."  Ranma sighs and turns back to Armitage.  She flutters her
eyelashes but he tries to ignore her.  "Where's the nearest inn?"  Without
taking her eyes off him, she points to Ranma's right--there's an adjoining
building with no wall separating it.  Ranma looks confused.  "I didn't see
that when I came in."
	Again, his eyes are strangely drawn to hers.  She smiles and nods slyly.
"Mmm hmm."
	Ranma leaves her desk and walks over to the new room.  Armitage pouts in
disappointment and sits back down.  *Hah!  Another worthless soul whose
affections I may work my evil magic upon.  She will be mine!*  Armitage
glares expressionlessly in Ranma's direction.  Ranma hisses through his
teeth, "Shutup!"
	(NOTE: Yeah, Kunou.  What're you trying to do?  Piss her off?)
	(CHEF'S NOTE: I hate to tell ya, but she's been going through our personal
files.  She knows where we live.)
	(SIMULTANEOUS SIDENOTE: Eep!)
	Ranma strolls up to the bar, where a tall, dark-haired man in a black
samurai outfit is passing bottles from the desktop to a liquor cabinet
behind him.  Ranma waves, "Hey, Mr. Tendo!  Howzit goin?"
	Soun looks up, then quickly places the remaining bottles behind the
counter.  Smiling moronically, he greets his guest, "Howdy, Son."
	Ramna looks at him curiously.  "Whatz wrong?"
	Soun leans closer and whispers, "This story is set in the United States in
the early 1920's, when Prohibition was in effect.  It's illegal for me to
have sake in my possession, so I have to be careful that the authorities
don't find out."
	Ranma blinks a few times, then glances over at the sheriff's desk in the
next room; Armitage half-smiles and gives a brief wave of recognition.  He
then brings his gaze to rest on the liquor cabinet resting against the wall
behind the bar--in plain sight.  "Uh.  Yeah.  Listen.  If you're so worried
'bout getting caught, why's your inn built next to a police station?"
	Soun clears his throat and begins wiping the countertop with a rag.  "The
deputy and I frequently play shogi together, and it seemed only logical to
move my inn next to his workplace."
	Ranma scratches his head.  "Uh.  Yeah."  *He who chooses to walk the path
of crime is forever fouling his soul and shall walk his days in darkness.
I, Ranma Saotome, shall have to put him out of his misery.*
	Ranma and Soun stare at each other for a moment, then Soun declares,
"That's a nasty subconscious voice you have there, Son."  Ranma nods.
	Ranma lets out a deep breath and looks around the room.  Soun asks,
"What's wrong, Son?"
	Ranma slumps his shoulders.  "I don't know what to do now.  The director
never really gave me a script."
	Soun pats him on the back.  "Don't worry, Son."  He pulls out a  huge
stack of loose papers from behind the counter and starts reading.  "It says
here that you're supposed to order a shot of whiskey."
	"I don't drink."
	"Then it says you're supposed to strap on a gunbelt suspender with two
guns and I'm supposed to ask you what you're doing."
	"I don't use guns."
	"Then it says you're supposed to pay back the guy who told you to get out
of town, but then was stupid enough to smash your car so you'd have to fix
it first."
	Ranma's eyes lit up.  "You mean Ryouga!  Alright!  I can do that!"  He
looks around the room excitedly.  "Where's the exit?"
	Soun points to the entrance to the sheriff's station.  "That's the only
safe way out of here.  Washu's been tinkering around with the other exits.
There's no telling where they lead now."
	"Ok!  Thanks!  Be right back!"  He speeds out the door.  Armitage gives a
dreamy sigh.

		

	The current camera shot shows a whirling ceiling fan, and the microphone
picks up something that sounds like a great beast snarling and roaring at
attackers.  After a few seconds, the shadow of somthing offcamera darkens
the screen.
	!Kick! (CHEF'S NOTE: Wake up, jackass!  And get that mike outa your mouth!
 That's disgusting and unsanitary!) !Kick kick! (NOTE: Remember Ukyou, we
want him alive.) The shadow retreats. (CHEF'S NOTE: Sorry.)  The next sound
heard could have been describes as the entire Legion of Evil escaping from
Hell, then !Thump thump!  The camera's view blurs downward until it is
facing a door.  The cameraman asks, "Is this better?" but is puzzled that
he still heard the angry monster and the wailing Legion--it wasn't just him.
	He spins the camera until it focused on several men wearing loincloths
prodding and stabbing at Mr. Panda with spears, backing him into a corner
while he futilely swipe at them with his stubby arms and pitifully small
claws.  Mr. Panda suddenly pushed his attackers aside with ease and ran
straight for the cameraman to avenge the insult made to his panda form.
The camera went black as a sign pounded into it.
	Another cameraman in about the same spot clicked on and showed a view of
an office door with hundreds of ghostly, misshappen masses pouring out and
exiting through the ceiling, crying out their past torments and lamenting
their own tragedies.  Washu leaned against the wall by the door with her
arms folded and marveled at her handiwork.
	(NOTE: Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh!  NO!  NO!  NO!)
	(CHEF'S NOTE: Snap out of it, Sir!) !SMACK!
	(NOTE: AGAIN!) !SMACK!
	(NOTE: Thank you.) (CHEF'S NOTE: Don't mention it.) (CUTE VOICE: Can
Shampoo have turn?)
	(NOTE: No! *sigh* So, what do you think?  Should we go on with this?)
	(CHEF'S NOTE: We've tortured ourselves this far.)
	(NOTE: Ok. *sigh* OK!  Everybody, get out of the room!  Now!)
	Washu shrugs and exits through the door that the demons are escaping from,
closing the door behind her.  Mr. Panda waddles out the front door with his
head down; the unknown, spear-toting warriors follow, grumbling and
muttering to each other because they have no idea what fanfic they came
from--which also stumps the author.  The camerashot then slowly jounces for
the door.
	(NOTE: Hey!  Get back here!)  The camera jounces back and takes a position
that gets a clear shot of the front door.  (CUTE VOICE: Do we really have
to do this?) (NOTE: No, but I'll give it a shot anyway.)
	Through the large windows by the door, Ranma can be seen staring upward as
he walks by the building.  He opens the door to step in, and fierce wailing
can be heard in the distance.  (CUTE VOICE: Thar she blow!) (NOTE:
'Wailing' not 'whaling'.) Ranma steps in and closes the door.  "What the
heck was that?"
	(NOTE: Don't worry about it.  They'll all go away by the end of the scene.)
	Ranma shrugs.  "Well, Ok."  *Such a careless act by one so noble.
Methinks he....* (NOTE: Watch it, Kunou.  Remember where you're paycheck's
coming from.)
	Ryouga walks out of a back office (not the one Washu exited through).  "I
thought I told you to get outa town, Ranma."
	Ranma pitches a section of the dashboard to Ryouga.  "In what?  You think
I'm going to walk for thirty mile though a desert?"
	Ryouga folds his arms.  "If I can do it, so can you."
	Ranma folds his arms as well.  "Yeah.  But all you had to do was ask the
lifeguard for some lemonade if you got thirsty."
	"Shuddup!"  He pulls off a few bandanas.
	"So, you're a mobster now?  Or do you just follow these guys around so you
won't get lost?"
	Ryouga growls, "Ran-ma!"
	Ranma puts his hands in front of his mouth in mock-fright.  "Oh!  I'm sooo
sorry.  Did I make the little piggy mad?"
	Ryouga's brow furrows.  Ranma takes that as a 'yes' and smiles.  "Good."
He thrusts his hands upward and shouts, "Hiryu shoten ha!"
	Ryouga suddenly looks confused as a monsterous wind picks up in the room,
carrying everything with it--papers, potted plants, furniture, Ranma, and
even himself.  The whole roof blows off and everything goes flying upward.
Ranma casually swims through the air, dodging household articles as they
fly by.  Most of them slam into Ryouga, though.
	The wind dies down after several seconds and Ranma artfully lands on the
ground by the next building down the block.  Ryouga falls face-first in
front of his own building, then the gargantuan frisbee formerly known as
the roof comes spinning from the sky and slams into the front of Ryouga's
building.  The whole front section explodes and a large portion of the
rubble falls on Ryouga.
	Inside one of the rooms left standing, Mihoshi is sitting naked in a
bathtub, reclining on its rim as she reads a paperback novel.  She twists
her head toward Ranma and her eyes grow impossibly large.  She screams and
tries to cover herself with the book.
	Ranma blushes and turns away.  He shouts back, "Sorry."