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© Karel Homepage, The Netherlands
| 21. The Lation man There was a Latino man looking for job. The boss asked, " Do you speak English?" "Yes, Senor," he replied. The boss continued, "I will test your comprehension, make a sentence with these three words: Green, pink and yellow." The Latino man laughed, "That's easy, Senor. Here it is:: The phone GREENS, I PINK it up and say YELLOW" 22. Two bats Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One of the bats feels rather hungry. "Let's go and find some blood", he suggests. "I don't think you can get any blood this time of the day", says the other bat. "Well, I want some blood and I want it now!", says the first bat and prepares to take off. "Are you coming or what?" "Don't be stupid, you'll just waste your time", says the second bat. So the first bat flies anyway. After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face. "Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day?", asks the second bat. "Well, do you see that tree out there?", says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, "Do you see that tree?" "Yes", says the second bat, "of course I see it". "Well, I didn't", replies the first. 23. The Bullfight place restaurant An american tourist is in holiday in Spain and goes to see a bullfight He enjoys the show with the Matador and the bull and all the stuff. Then he hears that just outside the Bullfight place there is a restaurant where they serve the finest meals based on the meat coming from animals killed at the show. He goes in there, and asks the waiter for the finest part of the bull. The waiter looks at him and answers: Excuse me, "Seņor", the finest part of the animal, is something we only eat here in Spain, and people from abroad may find it disgusting, apart from that, it is extremely expensive. The American replyes: Nonsense, Don't worry about the money, and on second place, I would like to give a try to what locals eat. The waiter nods and goes to the kitchen to place the order. Several minutes later comes out carriying a plate with two big balls of meat on it. There you are sir, Bull's "Criadillas", the best part of the bull. The american looks at the plate, and asks, What the hell are this ?? The waiter answers: Well sir, these are the bull's balls,, the testicles, you understand ? Finally the american decides to give it a try and after gulping the first mouthful, finds the balls extremely delicious. The following day the american goes to the same restaurant and the next day as well, and the other... until.... One day the balls on the plate that the waiter has just placed in front of him on the table are very small. The american says, Well, what is that ? You guys killed a baby bull or what ??? And the waiter answers. Well, "Seņor", sometimes the bull wins. 24. Rent collection A Rent Collector got a job in the Black Country. His Chief told him: "It's different here, the houses are rough, the people are rough, you've got to be persistent." Armed with this information the Collector made his first call, a small boy answered the door: "Is your mother in?" "No she went out when my dad came in." "Fetch your dad then, will you?" "Can't, he went out when my brother came in." "Where is your brother then?" "He cleared off when my big sister came in." "Can your sister give me the rent?" "No, she went out when I came in." "Look here son, someone's got to pay. No rent, no house, see? You'll all be turned out of this place see?" "But look here, mister, this isn't the house, it's the W.C." 25. If you love someone... We all know... If you love someone, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, she's never was.... Now for ... The New Versions.....
Pessimist: If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was ...
Optimist: Don't worry, she will come back.
Suspicious: If she ever comes back, ask her why.
(2) If you love someone,
(3) If you love someone, are you sure you love that someone?
Go-getter: If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, go get her!
Hunter: Don't even wait whether she comes back, go hunt her down!
Impatient: If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her.
Patient: If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...
Playful:
* If she comes back, and if you love her still, 26. U.S. Public schools A disgruntled schoolteacher handed in her resignation with the following comment: "In our public schools today, the teachers are afraid of the principals, the principals are afraid of the superintendents, the superintendents are afraid of the board members, the board members are afraid of the parents, the parents are afraid of the children and the children are afraid of nobody." 27. Dog food The man had died very suddenly, his co-workers were curious as to what had killed him - the wife was trying to explain. Well, she said, "He was out drinking, one night last week, and came home hungry. By mistake, he ate a bowl of doogfood that was in the fridge, and told me, next morning, how good the meatloaf was. He asked for more, and I didn't have the heart to tell him... so I fed him more dog food for the next couple of days." One of his co-workers asked, "So, the dog food killed him?" The wife said, "Not exactly... I came in and surprised him as he was sitting on a chair, licking his balls... he fell off, and broke his neck." 28. Bright orange A man wakes up one morning, and while still bleary-eyed, goes to pee. He suddenly realizes that his dick is bright orange. He hops in the shower, and rubs and scrubs, but it is still bright orange. "Well," he thinks to himself "it doesn't hurt, and I don't feel sick, may as well go to work." A few hours later at work, he has to pee again. While standing in the employees restroom at a urinal, one of his co-workers happens to look over and see the orange appendage. "Your dick is orange!" the co-worker exclaims. To which the man says "I know. It was like that when I woke up." "If I were you" says the co-worker, "I'd go see the company doctor right away." Taking his advice, the man goes to the doctor. After several tests, the doctor says "It's orange alright! There is no medical reason that it should be. Did you do anything unusual this weekend?" "Nope" the man says. "I just sat around the whole weekend, watching pornos, and eating Cheetos." 29. Gunplay A dog walks into a saloon in an old western town. He asks for a drink and the bartender tells him that he doesn't serve dogs in this saloon. The dog causes a commotion and there is gunplay. The bartender shoots the dog in the leg and the dog races out of there. A week later the dog rides into town, all dressed in black and packing six guns. He gets off his horse in front of the saloon and walks up to the doors and swings them open. Then he says: "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw." 30. I am a statistician Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated beside him on a coast-to-coast flight, a would-be Romeo asked, "What do you do for a living? "I am a statistician." she replied. "I have just compiled this amazing statistics on men's penis size. Do you that in average American Indians have longest penis whereas Polish men have the thickest shaft. So what is your name ?" "Tonto Kawalski !!" said the man. |
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