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| 141. Top Ten Reasons Why A Chicken Wing Is Better Than A Woman. 10) After using a chicken wing you can throw it away. 9) Alcohol doesn't affect your ability to eat a chicken wing. 8) Chicken wings don't talk to you when you eat them. 7) You can enjoy an evening of twelve chicken wings for under five bucks. 6) Chicken wings don't mind if you use your teeth. 5) You can eat a chicken wing in under ten seconds. 4) After eating a chicken wing, you know what is stuck between your teeth. 3) A chicken wing doesn't mind you dumping it for another. 2) Eating the chicken wing is supposed to satisfy your needs. 1) Three little words: Tastes Like Chicken. 142. Addition to Priest joke A Priest wanted to earn money for his chuch. He has heard there was money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However at the local auction the going price for horses was too steep and the Priest ended up buying a donkey. The Priest figured since he had the donkey he might as well enter it in the races. The donkey came in third. The following day in the Racing forms the headlines appeared: "Priest's Ass Shows". The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered the donkey in the races the next day also. The donkey won!!! The Racing form headlines read: "Priest's Ass Out In Front". The Bishop was so upset with this type of publicity that he ordered the Priest not to enter the donkey in any more races. The headlines read: "Bishop Scratches Priest's Ass". The Priest mentioned the episode in a posting he did to a Newsgroup on the Internet. This resulted in the headline, "Priest's Ass On Line." This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Priest to get rid of the donkey. The Priest gave the animal to the nearby Convent. The following day the headlines in the newspaper read: "Nuns Have Best Ass In Town". The Bishop fainted. He ordered the Nuns to get rid of the animal. So they sold it to a farmer for $10.00. The next day the paper read: "Nuns Peddle Ass for Ten Bucks". They buried the Bishop. The following day the headlines read: "Bishop Died From Too Much Ass". 143. If it makes you sick..... A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms. Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the drug store and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?" 144. Warm and Tingly An elderly couple decide to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary by reliving their honeymoon. They get a reservation for the honeymoon suite in the same hotel at the same resort. After waking the next morning to a room service breakfast they begin eating in the nude. The wife says "Oh Harold this is just like fifty years ago! My breasts feel all warm and tingly!" To which he replies, "Well they ought to Gladys since one's a hangin' in your oatmeal, and the other's in your coffee!" 145. Four dogs Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an IBM employee who said his dog was an excellent craftsman. His dog was named "T Square", and he told his dog to go to the blackboard and draw a square, a circle, and a triangle which the dog did with no problem. The Ford employee’s dog was named "Slide Rule", and he claimed his dog could do calculations. He told him to go fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back and divide them into four piles of three each, which the dog did without eating a crumb. The Bell Telephone employee said that was all pretty good and started to show what his dog "Measure" could do. He told him to go buy a quart of milk and pour exactly seven ounces of it into a 20 ounce glass, which the dog did without spilling a drop. The three of them agreed that their dogs were all pretty smart and all wanted to see what the US Government employee’s dog could do. The government employee snapped his fingers and his dog, "Coffee Break", strolled over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back, filed a Workman’s Compensation form and went home on sick leave. 146. Mother-in-Law One day this fella finds a lamp in the gargabe. He rubs the lamp and a genie appears. The genie says he will grant the man 3 wishes but there is one condition, your mother in law will recieve double whatever you get. The man thinks about it for a minute and asks for a new sportscar. The genie grants his wish and tells him his mother-in-law now has 2 new cars. For his second wish he asks for $10 million dollars in his bank account. The genie grants his wish and reminds the man his mother-in-law that she now has $20 million dollars in her bank account. The man thinks about his third wish for a few moments and then smiles and asks the genie to beat him half to death. 147. Buying Condoms THE TWO DEAF PEOPLE
Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language. So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder.....
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?" They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?" The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?" 148. Burglar Joke Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" 149. Fruits of Love A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and hadn't been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them.
The husband knocks on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside answers. 150. Blond jokes!! A blonde goes to the hairdresser with earphones attached to a walkman on her head. The hairdresser aks her to take the walkman off. No, she says, it's absolutly vital that I keep it on. Well, the hairdresser begins to do her hair, and he thinks, shit, I'm going to pull it off cause I can't do my job. So, he rips the walkman off and the blonde drops dead on the floor.
Shit, the hairdresser thinks and calls the police. While he is waiting for the police, he gets a little curious with regards to what the blonde was listening to. He grabs the ear phones, puts it on his head and hears: |
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