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Sandusky, Florida -- A pharmacist who joked over the phone about being robbed found out police weren't amused
Four squad cars converged on Jan Kemp's drug store Wednesday after a Florida pharmacist telephoned Sandusky police to tell them Kemp was being robbed.
The 55-year-old Kemp told police it was all a misunderstanding. He said he was busy and wanted to get off the phone, so he told druggist Alicia Motley he could not check a prescription for her because he was being robbed.
Motley took him seriously and called authorities.
Captain Gary Frankowski said police are considering whether to file charges against Kemp.
"He was frustrated. So he said: 'You'll have to excuse me: I'm being robbed. I'm gift-wrapping the money right now,'" Frankowski said.
Kemp said he thought Motley knew he was joking, since no one would actually "gift-wrap" money for a robber.
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
MY father was in the dentist's chair having a root canal done. Every so often, the dentist would stick a large toothpick-like object into the tooth's canal to see how far he had drilled. Each time, this thing caused my father great pain, but whenever he complained, the dentist replied, "Oh, that doesn't hurt -- it's just a measuring device.
This happened a couple more times. Again my father complained -- again he got the same response. Finally my father sat up m the chair, took all the stuff out of his month and looked straight at the dentist. "Excuse me for a moment," Dad said. "I have to go out to my truck, get my tape measure and whack you in the head with it. It shouldn't hurt, though. It's just a measuring device.
Last week Grace went to the dentist's office for a checkup and music was playing. She was early for her appointment, but after waiting ten minutes, an elderly woman sitting beside her said, "isn't that just like a dentist? A waiting room jammed with people, and the dentist is in there playing the piano."
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."
After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.
The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you" and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, "What's going on here?"
"Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the general barked.
"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"
About 4:30 am, guy1 says to guy2, "I gotta go home. My wife is gonna kill me."
guy2 says "Aw, don't worry about it, you can make it up to her."
guy1 looks nervous and says, "No, she might actually kill me dead."
So guy2 says, "OK, here's what you do. When you get home, go inside, leave all the lights off. Take off your shoes and sneak into the bedroom then get naked and crawl into bed from the foot end under the covers. Crawl right up between her legs and start licking her pussy. Lick her pussy for all you're worth, lick to save your marriage, lick her pussy to save your life! She'll come all over your face and then roll over, fall asleep, and forgive you."
So, guy1 says, "OK, I guess it's worth a try." He goes home, sneaks into the room, leaves the lights off, takes off his shoes, takes off his clothes and crawls into bed from the foot end.
He crawls up between her legs and starts to lick her pussy. He licks her pussy for all he's worth. He licks her pussy to save his marriage, he licks her pussy to save his life.
After an hour of moaning and thrashing and bucking, his face is completely covered with pussy juice and she starts to come. She comes over and over for three or four minutes then she rolls over and falls asleep.
"Well," he thinks, "Great! it worked!"
He slides out of bed and goes into the bathroom to wash his face. When he opens the bathroom door to come back out, his wife is standing there.
She says, "Shhh... be very quiet and come into the living room. We're sleeping in there while my mom stays in our room."
A couple of friends and I were sitting in a bar, talking about what guys usually talk about...women. We were talking about how we rate women, and trading lies about the beautiful women we'd had. After a while, we decided to compare our rating systems by checking out the women as they came in.
The first woman that came in was this cute little brunette. She was short, built well, with nice tits, and a cute little ass. "She's at least an "8" I said, "very nice". "Yeah, an 8 at least", said my other friend." "No, said the third guy. I wouldn't give her more that a 1." "A 1? we shreiked. That's pretty tough".
In a few minutes, a tall redhead walked in and by our table. She smiled as she passed. "Well, I said, I like red heads. I'd give her a 9." "I can agree with that", mimicked my friend. "Still a 1...maybe a 2," said the other guy.
Well, we were taken aback by this flippant attitude, but we continued our ratings, with the third guy always rating very low. A short time later, however, this foxy blonde walked in. Every eye in the place watchedher as she ambled up to the bar. Her high cut miniskirt revealed enough to show she had it all. Her figure was something out of a dream. "I think we've seen a 10 now, or higher if possible", I said. "Yeah, she makes my dick so hard I can hardly sit", said my friend. Still unmoved, the third guy said, "Wow, yeah she's about a 4".
This was about all we could take. "A 4?", we echoed. "What scale are
you
using?".
"Well, I use the Budweiser scale'', he replied. "The Budweiser scale?".
"Yeah...the Budweiser scale." "What the hell is the Budweiser scale?".
"Well, I just try to estimate how many Clydesdales it would take to pull
her
off my face!"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.
Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
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