© Karel Homepage, The Netherlands
He`s the one trying to slam the revolving door
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.
"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
After the hat had floated out of sight around the corner of the house, the boy kept watching the river. Suddenly, much to his surprise, here comes the hat, floating upstream, against the current! This was obviously very strange, so the lad kept his eye on it. It floated upstream and around the other corner of the house... and came floating back down again. After a while, it came back upstream yet again, rounding the corner of the house.
Finally, the boy could stand it no longer and pointed out the hat to his mother, asking her whatever could cause such a sight. His mother replied, "Oh, that's just your grandfather. He said come Hell or high water, he was going to mow the lawn today."
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife
to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink or else she
was going to donner me. If you knew my wife you would also do as she
says.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents (with
tears in my eyes) down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I
drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and poured the contents
down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey
down the sink which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the
bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank the sink out of
it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the
bottle. I then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and
drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand,
counted the glasses, corks and bottles, and sinks with the other, which
were twenty-nine......and as the houses came by I counted them again and
finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I am not
under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half
as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feeliisshh I don't know who is
me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get. At least my donner
won't wife me.
© Karel Homepage, The Netherlands