KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

What happens if a Limburger (inhabitant of Limburg, the most southern Dutch province next to Belgium) emigrates to Belgium?
The IQ in both Belgium and the Netherlands increases dramatically!

A man goes into a pet shop in Farmborough and walks up to the counter.
"Yes, sir, can I help you ?" asks the assistant.
"I'd like a wasp, please", said the man.
"You'd like a WHAT, sir ?" asks the assistant, looking puzzled.
"I'd like a WASP, please", he repeats.
"I'm sorry sir; we don't sell wasps in here."
"Well, there's one in the window ..."

There's this guy, and he's in bed with a woman as a car is heard drawing up outside. "That's my husband, home from work early," says the woman. "You'd better go and hide in the wardrobe". Thankful for any place of safety, the man picks up his clothes and jumps into the wardrobe. As he's standing there in the dark, a little voice says, "Wow, isn't it dark in here?", and the man realizes that his lover's 10-year-old son is in the cupboard with him. "I saw everything that you did," says the boy, "and I'm going to tell my Daddy -- unless you give me a pound." Secretly thinking it cheap at the price, the man hands over the money to buy the boy's silence.

After a week or so, though, the boy begins to feel bad about what he's done, and he decided to go to confession at his church, and confess his sin. He waits his turn, and steps into the darkened confessional. Closing the door, he says, "Wow, isn't it dark in here", which produces the reply from the other side of the grille, "Oh, Christ, not *you* again!".

The Three Bears returned one sunny sunday morning from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their little house open.
Cautiously, they went inside. After a while, big Daddy Bear's deep voice boomed out, "Someone's been eating MY porridge !"
Mummy Bear gave a yelp, "Someone's been eating MY porridge !", she said.
Little Baby Bear rushed in, "Bugger the porridge - someone's nicked the video !"

Hi, I am 9.5 inches long and two inches thick.
Under which was the reply:
Interesting, and tell me, how big is your dick?

More than three shakes is masturbation.

Stand close, It's *shorter* than you think.

This woman decides to buy a new cupboard that you have to assemble yourself.
Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really neat. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses.
Not daunted by this she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses.
Thinking that she must have done *something* wrong she re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses.
Now, she's finally fed up with this and calls the client service. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look. The technician arrives and assembles the cupboard.
Then, a train passes and the cupboard collapses.
Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the technician decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.
At this point, the womans husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says: "That's a nice looking cupboard", and opens it.
Says the technician: "You won't believe me, but I'm standing here waiting for the train".

Woman: Doctor, my husband tells me my pussy's too big. So I'd like you to tell me if you find it unusual.
Doctor: Please, take off your clothes and I'll have you examined.
Doctor (shouting): What a giant pussy! What a giant pussy!
Woman (angry): Why did you have to say it twice!?
Doctor: I didn't.

Once Reagan visited India and was touring the country-side with Rajiv Gandhi. At quite a few places, he noticed people shitting out in the open. Wanted to help, he drew his cheque book out, and offered the Indian Premier a cheque worth $.... to build a few toilets. It embarrassed Rajiv to the n-th extent, but he had no other option than to accept it.

Well, a time came when Rajiv visited the States. Whenever he went out he keenly searched for someone shitting out in the open; Sothat he could put Reagan in a similiar embarrassing position. To his luck, he found one man shitting in the open. Pleased very much, Rajiv offered Reagan a donation for building a toilet. Refusing it, Reagan said calmly:

"He has his own toilet. But he insists on shitting like this.
You know, he is the Indian ambassador".

One night our friend, lets call him Jim, was out on the town. It was one of those nights when it was raining and he was _forced_ into a Pub for shelter. You know the sort of night I mean. Well as soon as Jim went into the pub he met a few friends and so he had a few drinks, and a few more, and a few more......

12.00 o'clock and Jim with a rather large smile starts to stagger home through the rain. As is usual with this state of being, Jim decides that there is nothing better than an Indian Curry. So off he goes to his local Taj Mahal Take-Away. He goes in an orders an _extra-extra-hot Vindaloo Curry_.

15 minutes later Jim arrives back home. He places the Curry on the kitchen table and heads upstairs for a good piss. While he is upstairs relieving himself the cat comes over to the table. Now the cat had been neglected and was rather hungry, so it decided to have a go at the curry. Nibble, nibble, chomp, chomp, lick, lick. End of Curry. Just as the cat was licking the plate in comes Jim. Shock horror - anger - Jim starts to get mad. Grabs cat by scruff of neck and drags it outside. "You horrible little moggie, I hate you, you're dead now" rants our friend Jim. He fills a dustbin with water and throws the hissing cat into the bin and place the lid on top of the bin. Then he puts a concrete block on the bin, just to be sure.

Jim returns to his sitting room and sits down feeling very sorry for himself. A few minutes later he hears a knock on the window. He goes over and opens it. Who should be there but the cat. Jim can't believe his eyes.

The cat looks at Jim and says "You wouldn't happen to have any more water , please ? ".

A waiter goes up to a bloke in the restaurant to take his order.
The guy at the table says "I'd like the fried lobster, with french fries and broccoli."
The waiter replies "I'm sorry, sir. We have no broccoli"
The bloke says "Never mind, instead I'll have the roast duck, roast potatoes, cabbage and broccoli"
The waiter says "Er, no sir, we really have no broccoli today."
The guy says "Oh, in that case I'll have the chicken, sprouts, carrots, and broccoli."
The waiter is by now well pissed off. "Listen, sir, how do you spell DOG, as in dogmatic?"
"D-O-G"
"How do you spell CAT as in catastrophe?"
"C-A-T"
"And how do you spell FUCK as in broccoli?"
"Huh? There's no FUCK in broccoli."
"Thats what I've been trying to tell you for the past ten minutes, you stupid git!!"