KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

In SWEDISH roulette, one of six birth-control pills is replaced with an Aspirin.
In AUSTRIAN roulette, six people sit in a cafe drinking wine, one of the wines is Austrian made.
In INTERNATIONAL roulette, six people fly in jet aeroplanes, one of the planes is made by Boeing.
VATICAN roulette: 5 Smarties and a pill.
AFRICAN roulette: You're surrounded by beautiful ladies. Each of them wants to have oral sex with you and one is a cannibal.
NORTHERN IRISH roulette: Six people play "Pass the parcel" (imagine the rest)

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of these cards to fill in, in normal Commonwealth style.
After the standard ones, like name, nationality, passport number, etc.. he got to one that asked:
"Have you ever been imprisoned?"
After thinking about that for some time he entered:
"I didn't know it was still a requirement"

The dew was still wet as the prisoner was let out into the yard for the last time. The soldiers of the firing detail shuffled out to their usual positions as the guards led the prisoner to the stake at the far end of the paddock. There, he was securely bound as the captain of the guards stepped forward to contend with the final courtesies.

"Blindfold?", he inquired.

"No, thank you," said the condemned.

The captain was a little taken aback at the difficulty and leaned forward so as no to be heard.

"Please," he said, "take the blindfold. It is not an act of cowardice to be spared this spectacle. It makes it MUCH easier for you."

The condemned thought for a moment and relented. The blindfold was tied over his eyes.

"Cigarette?" offered the captain.

"No thanks," said the prisoner, "I don't smoke."

Here again the captain paused and thought of a tactful approach. He leaned in and spoke in a confidential tone.

"No matter. Please take the cigarette. It makes it MUCH easier for the men on the firing squad."

One morning Daddy bear came down to breakfast, to find his porridge bowl empty. Seeing this he growls, "Who's been eating my porridge?"
Similarly Baby bear came down and foun his bowl empty also, at which he squeals, "Someone's gobbled up all my porridge!"
At that moment Mummy bear came out of the kitchen and replied, "You stupid bastards, I haven't made it yet!"

What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland?
A tourist.

What's that brown stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow natives.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who lies on your doorstep?
A. Matt.

So, it was WW2 and a ship was sailing over the seas when suddenly the captain runs to Bjorn who was stearing the ship and shouted: "There's a torpedo coming towards us! Go tell the boys downstairs to wear their life-jackets, but try not to cause any panic."
Well, Bjorn had a sick sense of humour and so he went under the deck and said to the crew: "You know, I bet that if I put my cock on the table, the whole ship will explode!"
Everybody laughed, but Bjorn insisted on making the bet.
"I tell you guys, you better wear your life-jackets!"
Still laughing, the men put on their jackets, and then Bjorn laid his genitals on the table. BOOM!!! The crew found themselves floating in the sea.
The captain spotted Bjorn, swam to him and shouted in anger: "What the HELL were you doing down there!!!??? The torpedo missed us by ten meters!!!"

Three youths were seated in a restaurant near an elderly lady, whom they conspired to shock. Said the first in a load voice, "I was born three months before my parents were married."
"My father was always too drunk to get married at all," said the second.
"I never knew who my father was," said the third.
The old dear, upon hearing this conversation, turned and said, "Would one of you three bastards mind passing me the salt?"

Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a donkey.

The donkey, never having seen a lada before, asks: "What are you?"
the lada: "I am a car. What are you?"
The donkey: "Hahahaha... giggle... I'm a horse...."

A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she finds none, and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car.
Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to go get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of the aspirin in the car's glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes something: he can't remember which room was his! He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all the motel's windows lighten up -- except one window, and of course, he makes for the room with that window.

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day.
The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.
Doctor : "I am sorry to say but you wife has acute angina..."
Husband : "Yeah, I know, she's also got a nice pair of tits too!"