KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Three dogs are chit-chatting one evening 'bout things - an (any OTAN country one), a roumanian, a czech and a russian; the OTAN-one goes "last week, a thief tried to steal my master's car, but I went barking at him, he ran away and my master gave me a big, juicy, fleshy bone!"
So the roumanian goes "what does 'car' mean?", the russian goes "what does 'meat' mean?", and the czech goes "what does 'bark' mean?"

This old Chinese man is lying in his bed, ready do die. The entire family is gathered around him, all weeping and sniffing. He opens his eyes one last time and goes:
"I have to tell you a seclet. It is velly impoltant to me..."
So everyone bends down, in order to be able hear his faint wispers. "lemembel it is velly seclet."
Everyone holds his breath in order not to disturb the old man.
"Light, hele it is"
Nobody is moving, the room is so silent, you could have heard a pin falling to the floor.
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

These three guys - an American, Chinese, and German - were shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther (the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE POPPED OUT! The genie granted them each one wish, and of course all three wanted to be back home. So the genie said he would grant them their wishes.

"But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American - I want you to built me a restaurant here. Mr. German - you will make the kitchen for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman - you will get the supplies for the restaurant. I have a hot date waiting for me in Bagdad, so I have to go. But I will return in ONE MONTH. At that time, if you satisfied my requirements, I will grant your wishes."

So for one month, the three men American and German toiled while the Oriental kinda lazed around and gave a helping hand to the other two. Then about 4 days before the genie's expected return, the Oriental disappeared.

Well, the genie came back, just as he promised, and asked to be shown what they had done.

He was amazed by the restaurant! Five dining rooms, a tremendous main lobby - all made of bamboo! It was a magnificent feat. As for the kitchen - full utensils, running gas stoves, pots, pans - all made from shells, bamboo, and coconuts. An absolute wonder!

"But where are the supplies from Mr. Chinaman?"

The two men said they didn't know. All they knew was that he had disappered a few days ago and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since then. Suddenly from the shadows, out leaped the Oriental, shouting in a loud voice:

"SUPLISE!!!!!!!!!"

Two lawyers are walking down the street and they see a beautiful woman walking towards them. The first lawyer says, "See that woman, boy would I love to screw her." The second lawyer says, "Out of what?".

What is the difference between Cinderella and a member of the England Football Team?
Cinderella got to the ball.

Q: What would you have if you had a moth ball in one hand and a moth ball in the other hand?
A: A bloody big moth!

What's green and eats nuts?
V.D.

An Irishman entered Mastermind: they asked him his name, he said pass.

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend." the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

One day at the Vatican, a papal aide rushes in to the Pope's office and says, "Your Holiness! Good news and bad news!" The Pope replies, "What's the good news?" "Jesus Christ is on the phone." "That's great news, what can be so bad?" "He's calling from Utah."

These are from Flumen and Flumen,
J. of School Psychol., 17, 82-84, 1979

The questions are those from the WISCR and WPPSI
(IQ Tests for little people)

q: In what way are an apple and a banana alike?
A: Both give me diarrhea

q: What is the color of rubies?
A: My sister, Ruby, is black like me.

q: What should you do if you see thick black smoke coming from the window of your neighbour's house?
a: I would probly cough. I'm lergic to smoke.

q: What doyou call this finger?
a: It's your sucker.

q: What does contagious mean?
a: Don't go near the baby. She might throw up.

q: What does the stomach do?
A: It makes food so it can come out of my rear end smoother.

q: Why do we have to put stamps on letters?
A: I don't know where else toput them.

Q: If I cut an apple in half, how many pieces will I have?
A: one

Q: Are you sure I will only have one piece?
A; Yes. I will have the other piece.

q: Name 2 things that are round.
A: Boobs

Q: What is the thing to do if you were sent to buy a loaf of bread and the grocer says he does not have any more?
a: Call him a liar and ask him what he's trying to pull.

q; In what ways are paperback books better than hardcover books.
a: More dirty pictures.

Q: What is a donkey?
a: I'm not allowed to say that word.

Q: What do we call a baby cow?
A: (long pause) ... a bully?

q: Now I'm gong to say some numbers, but this time when I stop I want you to say them backwards. For example, if I say 9-2-7, what would you say?
A: I'd say, you've got to be kidding.

Cow one: Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease?
Cow two: No, not really.
Cow one: Oh ! Why's that then?
Cow two: I'm a duck.

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response:

"Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."