KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A husband and wife went to the fairground.The wife wanted to go on the ferris wheel but the husband was too scared and so the wife went on the ride by herself.The wheel went round and round,then suddenly the woman was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husbands feet. "Are you hurt.?" he asked.
"Of course I'm hurt.....three times round and you didn't wave once.!"

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
Three more beers !

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

"Jim and I have been married for two years now and we have not yet had our first husband-wife argument. If we have a difference of any kind, and I am right, Jim nods and accepts my opinion."
"But what if he's right?"
"That has not happened yet."

Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said :
'Mines like a Rolls-Royce,smooth and sophisticated.'
The second said:
'Mines like a porsche, fast and powerful.'
The third said :
Mines like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going.'

A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.
The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap.
"Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car.
He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs. Murphy? Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."
"That was nice of you," she says, looking around, But . . . where's his wheelchair?"

A Pole comes home unexpectedly to find his wife in bed with his best friend. In a fit of rage he goes for his gun. As soon as he finds his gun, he puts it up to his temple, to the great amusement of his wife and her lover.
"Don't laugh!" the enraged husband shouts. "You're next!"

A guy came home early one day and found his wife in bed with another man.
"Who the hell is this?" asked the husband furiously.
"Good question," answered the wife. "Say, fella, what's your name?"

Two nuns were traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says the second.
She switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" shouts the first nun.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican, " says the second.
Dracula steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts the first nun.
"Show him your cross," says the second.
So, she winds the window down and shouts, "GET OFF MY F***ING HOOD!!"

There where 3 nuns on a train and they had been talking for some time when they decided to pass the time they decided to tell each other what their greatest sins where.
The first nun got up and said, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and become a prostitute. Of couse I put all the money I earn in the poor box but that is my greatest sin."
The second nun got up and said, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I the money out of the poor box and drink for one consecutive week."
The third nun was sitting there being very quite. The other nuns say "come now we told you our worst sins, what is yours."
The third nun got up and said, "My greatest sin is that I am a gossip and I can't wait to get off this train."

The only people that sometimes listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.
Raymond Molina

One of the most difficult problems faced by a young person leaving home for the first time is giving up the fridge benefits.
Marguerie W. May

A mid-life crisis is when your daughter's old baby-sitter calls to see if your daughter can baby-sit for her baby.
William D. Tammeus

Winter is that discouraging time of the year when the house uses more fuel than the car.
Doug Larson