KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

1st little pig walks into a bar, orders a beer and goes into the bathroom.
2nd little pig walks into a bar, orders a beer and goes into the bathroom.
3rd little pig walks into a bar, orders a beer and goes into the bathroom.
4th little pig walks into a bar, orders a beer and goes into the bathroom.
5th little pig walks into the bar, orders a beer and then turns to leave but the bartender says "well dont you have to use the bathroom" and the pig says "no, im the 5th little pig, i go wee-wee-wee all the way home".

John and Jim told their parents what they wanted for Christmas. John wanted a radio and Jim wanted a bicycle. Christmas rolled around and they got the presents they had asked for. Jim, told his brother that he was going towards town for a ride on his bike, he was a mile out of town, when he came upon and house fire. Jim jumped on his bike and headed home -- JOHN! I just saw his house fire -- they lost all of their belongings. John said, I just heard that on the radio. So, Jim said, I'm going down the road in the other direction -- he came upon an awful car accident, two people killed. Jim road home and said, JOHN! I just saw this awful car accident -- John said, I just heard that on the radio. Finally, Jim went riding down a dirt road and came upon a pig in the field. He thought to himself -- gee, I haven't been screwed in a long time so he screwed the pig. Jumped on his bike to go home - ran in the door and hollared JOHN! I just got screwed. John said in a pigs ass you did. Jim said, you and that f______ radio!

A little five year old boy and his Grandfather, were in a grocery store. When the little boy said, Grandpa, look at that big fat lady! The Grandfather said, to the little boy -- you shouldn't say that -- it embarssed me and the lady. The lady had a beeper on her hip (as she belonged to a rescue squad). All of a sudden the beeper started to beep. The little boy screamed, watch out Grandpa, she's backing up!

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! YOU`RE NOT GOING TO.. TO.. CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU???!?"

The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye: "Nope. You are. I`m going to set the garage on fire."

Dear Mr. Jones:

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It's clear that Ms. Jody Sanders has dumped you. (It's probably for the best - we knew she was a loser from that cheap shampoo she buys.) We confirmed this with the Post Office database -- yep, she filed a change of address.

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ps: That "blond" at O'Dougles last Saturday -- you bought her 2nd Strawberry Martini? Forget it! She's on her third yeast infection in as many months, and is a 'regular' at Acme Pharmacy. (Her HMO computer gossips with ours.) You never know what else she might have. Our tapes are LOTS safer!..

At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken. One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I thinks the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!" Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says "I am fed up with this constant bickering!".

There was this fellow who had a pet goose. He loved his goose and took it everywhere with him. One day he went to the movies and the ticket seller told him that his goose was not allowed in the theater. He ran around the corner and stuffed the goose in his pants. Then he bought his ticket and went into the theater. He selected a seat next to two elderly ladies.

During the movie he could hear his goose panting due to lack of air. He unzipped his pants to let the goose breathe. Soon the lady next to him elbowed her friend and whispered, "Esther, Esther you won't believe whats going on next to me." Esther glances over and says, "Well, you've seen one you've seen them all."

"Well, maybe, but this one's eating my popcorn!"

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" he asked. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

A Polish farmer had fifty female pigs and wanted them all pregnant. His friend told him to screw them himself, and if in the morning they were rolling in the hay they weren`t pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud, they were. So the farmer decides this is a good idea, and that night he loads all the pigs into his truck, takes them into the woods, and screws them all.

The next morning, he looks out the window and sees all the pigs rolling in the hay. He`s really frustrated, but decides to give it one more shot. So that night he takes all the pigs to the woods and screws them again. The next morning, he looks out the window, and all the pigs are rolling in the hay. He`s really tired, but thinks he`ll try one more time. That night he takes all the pigs out and screws them yet again.

The next morning he`s too tired to look out the window, so he tells his wife to tell him if the pigs are rolling in the mud or the hay. She goes to the window and tells him he better look for himself. The farmer goes to the window and sees all the pigs in the truck honking the horn and waiting for him.

Jim and Bob were golfing one fine day, when Jim, an avid golfer, slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Jim takes his 8 iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine, in search of his lost ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently for his errant ball. Suddenly Jim spots something shiny. As he nears the location of the shiny object, Jim realizes that it is an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton laying near an old golf ball. Jim excitedly calls for his partner Bob.
"Heh Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out to Jim, "Whats the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back in a nervous voice, "Bring me my 7 iron. You can't get out of here with an 8."